Gift and Etiquette for untraditional guests

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

1.  Thank you’s are for gifts, cards, and/or people who traveled a great distance (whatever that is) to celebrate your wedding.

2.  Do your best but if you can’t figure it out then I would wait until someone asks about it and say “Oh you must have been the one that I couldn’t read the name on!”

3.  Let it go.  Do not lend money you arne’t willing to give because you may not get paid back.  There is no polite way to tell them to pay up.  At most your husband could ask him when he plans to pay you back and offer a payment plan if necessary.  But that will make their relationship pretty awkward if it isn’t already due to the money lending issue.  Again, don’t lend out money and you won’t end up in this situaiton again.

Post # 4
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012


1) No, you don’t have to.

2) I would do like PP said and wait until someone says something (although that is kind of rude from etiquette stand point to ask) and then say you’re sorry and give them a thank you.

2) I’d let this go too unless your DH can bring it up with him. It sucks, but you always loan money never anticipating getting paid back. Perhaps someday he will pay you back (because maybe he is still struggling–who knows), but I wouldn’t hold your breath.


Congrats! I hope you had a lovely wedding 🙂

Post # 5
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

how about you post the signature on facebook and say “we want to thank this lovely guest but can’t figure out who he/she is! help?”

Post # 6
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

1- No TYs needed (unless travelling long-distance was their gift)

2- I’d send a thank you to all 10 guests for the money. Then see who’s honest and how many people say it was them!

3- Ugh. Sorry for your $130 loss! Haha, maybe it’s HIS cash gift!

Post # 7
5800 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

No thank-you’s needed for those who did not give a gift or a card, but when my sister got married, they sent thank-you’s to everyone and, in the process, discovered that some of the gifts had not been properly recorded. They did a small registry and asked that guests donate to the animal rescue where my sister volunteers, in lieu of a gift; they even had a custom donation link. I guess there was a computer glitch where the list of donors from that link didn’t get transmitted, so they thought no one donated, and when they sent thank-you’s even to those who did not give a gift, a couple of guests asked if they’d recieved the donations. If they hadn’t sent the thank-you’s, they never would have known their donor list was wrong.

So if you thank those who did not give a gift, the person who gave the cash may identify themselves.

On #3 you just have to let that go. Never lend money without assuming you won’t get it back. If you can’t give it as a gift, then don’t lend it out.

Post # 8
3202 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

For #3, I would totally ask for that money back! Maybe the person just forgot! I would be a bitch about it until I got my money back. I’ve done that with friends before, and it didn’t seem to ruin our friendship, lol–usually it was just absent-minded people who just never really thought of it until you reminded them like 50 times. I’d much rather have it out in the open than be resentful over it.

We will be sending thank you notes to everyone who attends, regardless of gift, but that is purely our preference and not in any way required by etiquette, as far as I know.

Post # 9
6700 posts
Bee Keeper

1)According to etiquette, a thank you note is  for those who give an actual gift. You will obviously mention how wonderful it was for the person to be there and share the day in the course of the note.   The reception and a verbal thank you for coming are all that is necessary to thank people for attending.  A note to thank for attendance only can be seen as soliciting for gifts. Technically, it is the guest who is supposed to write or call  the host to thank them for their hospitality, although at a big wedding it’s not strictly necessary. 

2) It is NOT considered rude to ask a couple if they received your gift.  To reprimand them about a thank you note would be inappropriate, but to inquire about a package or envelope that might have been stolen or lost is not.  

The most you can do on your end is wait for someone to ask, or you or your parents can kind of casually put it out there by word of mouth to trusted friends or relatives who gave a gift,  that there was a gift of cash that was unidentified. 

3) I’d wait to see if the groomsman offers the money for the suit.  Maybe he just felt there was not an  appropriate time to do it then, or maybe he’s tight on cash.  He also has  time to send you a gift and he may be intending to do that a bit later as well. Personally, I  don’t get nearly  as hung up by some people here on the whole card thing, especially since he was there to help you celebrate in person.

Post # 10
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

1) I believe in sending a thank you to everyone who attended, but you should at least send it to everyone who attended at some cost to themselves (hotel, travel, whatever)

2) Hmm, I’d take a photo of just the signiture and post it to facebook saying “can anyone decipher this signiture?”  Sort of weird, but maybe worth a try?

3) I’d ask him to pay you back for the suit.  The fact that he didn’t give a gift or that your DH had to shell out for his wedding are irrelevant (but crappy).

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