Post # 1
My brother is getting married in September. The school where we both work wants to throw him a “man shower.” His future wife has had four showers so far. I was put in charge of making the invitations and was asked to put on there for each “pod” of teachers to go in on a gift card. I know it’s tacky, etc, etc. But… how would be the best way to word it?
Post # 3
Honestly, you don’t dictate the gifts that are brought. You can have a theme: grilling, man cave, etc. But you can’t dictate that each group needs to go in together on a gift card. He and you will look bad.
Post # 4
You cant force people to give a gift nor can you tell them what they must gift. This is something you will have to let them do on there own.
Post # 5
Look, I know I can’t make people buy any certain gift or whatever. I’m not trying to do that. I just know people are going to want to get him something he will want. I also know our school is big on going in together on things like this. It may seem tacky to others, but I know the people we work with and it won’t be that way to them. I’m not saying people even have to get a gift, I just need to give the suggestion that pods could go into together to get him one gift card. It will just make it easier for everyone to include that information on the very informal invitations. I was also told to make the invitations and to include this information on them by my boss. I don’t really have the option not to do it… I’m just looking for the best way to word this. Thanks.
Post # 6
Can he register at Sears, Lowes, Home Depot, REI, or amazon.com, etc. and put a few things he’d like to get on the registry? Then your co-workers will have suggestions of physical gifts that are wanted/needed OR if there’s nothing they want to buy, they’ll get a gift card to the store at which he is registered. You can then make a small note about where he is registered on the invitation. Trust that people will use enough common sense to know that gift cards to the store would also be welcome.
Post # 7
There isn’t a “best way” to word a pretty major politeness/etiquette faux pas. I would rethink this.
Post # 8
@msjlynn: WHEN people ask you, which they will if they do not know what to give him, you can certainly tell them.
But telling anyone upfront IS dictating to them.
Post # 9
Yikes. Sorry people are being unhelpful. I get the rude/faux pas thing, but honestly it’s cultural. EVERY wedding invite I’ve ever gotten has had registry cards included, which I guess is rude, but in my church it’s just the done thing. To each their own, you know?
I’m not sure how many ‘pods’ there are, but it might be helpful to have one person in charge and have a P.S. saying “if you would like to give a gift, so-and-so is taking up a collection for an awesome gift card to store X so the groom can furnish a man cave!” It gives an idea of what the money is going to, it takes the pressure off, and individual amounts can be small because it’s a joint effort. This is an informal work thing, so I think you can get away with being more forward than you could with a formal wedding/shower invitation.
Post # 10
Compilation of other contributors that I found:
“They have their dishes and towels for two They have pots and pans and oven mitts too.
So what do you get for the Bride & Groom Whose house is setup in every room?
Their house needs repairs and some upgrades too But you can not register for carpet and glue.
For the newlyweds it will be a blessing, to recieve help with all the large items, their nest is still missing.
A wishing well, we thought would be great; But only if, you wish to participate
Don’t go overboard – or rob any banks; any gift you choose will make us smile with hearts full of thanks!
Now that we’ve saved you all the fuss; we hope you’ll come and celebrate with us!”
Post # 11
Coworkers will often go in on a group gift and a GC is common for something like that. Do you have to put it on the invitation though? I think it would go over better if the gift suggestion was done separately, as a separate e-mail or word of mouth.
Post # 12
Sorry, but putting something on the invite about how people should go in on gift cards IS dictating the gift and is very rude. Not to mention asking for money/giftcards in itself is rude. If going in on something is what the people you work with traditionally do, then I think they’ll be able to figure it out on their own and you don’t need to tell them. Why not have your brother register for things at Sears or Lowes or REI or wherever and include that registry info on the card. He can register for a few big ticket items if people you think people would want to go in on something together.
If your boss is telling you to do this, I would say you think it’s against etiquette to do this and make another suggestion.
Post # 13
@shannag: I agree.
@ OP Ignore all the completely rude posters, they are clearly so stuck in their silly rules that they don’t realize what you are even saying. I would put “if you would like to give a gift, a gift card for such and such would be put to best use!”
Ettiquette is always subjective based on region and culture. Here we have socials, which are basically fundraising parties for the couple, we also use the word presentation on invites to inform guests that its money gifts. That’s the normal thing here, so while many get all huffy about ‘etiquette’ around here etiquette means having these things.
Post # 14
Telling people what gifts they should give you is rude, plain and simple, not subjective. I’m sorry, but if my invitiation came with “Buy Joe a gift card to Best Buy!” I probably wouldn’t contribute.
I agree with the theme idea; it’s less offensive. Least offensive is, like Runswithbears suggested, having him register somewhere like REI, Best Buy, Amazon, and sharing that with your coworkers.
Post # 15
I feel for you… I really do.
But as the others have said, there really is no “best way” to do this when it comes to wording on an Invitation…
I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob (comes with my career)… so if I might suggest the best work around might be something like this for an Informal Invitation
We are having a Man Shower for ____ who will be getting married soon
(then write in all the details in regards to time & place)
And at the bottom just put…
To RSVP or for further info contact ___
— — —
In this way you can keep a list of who is coming… useful info always… especially if you need to order food etc (and the Groom will appreciate having a list when it comes time to write his Thank You Notes)
And most likely folks when they call or email, will then ask you what is happening gift wise.
THAT IS WHEN… you can steer them towards a Gift Registry (always recommended in these types of situations… so folks who want to do something on their own can), or mention… I hear so-and-so is organizing a group gift (preferably not yourself as the Host)
This will cover you off Etiquette wise… AND meet all the requirements that your boss has put forward… so then you can shine on both fronts !!
Hope this helps