Post # 1
I’m thinking about giving my fiance a certificate to a nice barber shop so he can get a little pampering the day of the wedding. My fiance is very well groomed but I figured that the day of the wedding it might be nice for him to get a nice head massage and a good shave so he can have one less thing to worry about and get a chance to relax a couple of hours before the wedding.
I would like to get his groomsmen gift certificates as well but here’s the catch – though my fiance is well groomed, I cannot say the same for all of his groomsmen.
I know that this is going to sound super bridezilla-esque but I want everyone to look nice and clean during the ceremony and look good in the pictures.
I know that I cannot just send gift certificates and schedule the groomsmen who have long greasy hair and then not send anything to the ones who groom themselves.
I was wondering if it would be considered rude, if I have the wedding coordinator (I still need to hire one, please forward your recommendations to me please!!) send each of the groomsmen a letter with the time that they need to get to the shop. I would give the wedding coordinator’s assistant who would be there with the groomsmen at the Art of Shaving a list of all of my fiance’s groomsmen and tell her in advance which one needs a hair cut and shave and which one just needs a shave.
I know it sounds terribly crazy but I mainly want to do this because one of the groomsmen’s hair is so long and greasy and he has disgusting stubble all over the place where it looks like he just got back from a week long bender at the Burning Man. With this particular groomsmen, I just want to tell the person at the barber shop to cut his hair until he looks presentable no matter what he says.
Should I just deal with the fact that it’s going to look like I decided to put a random homeless man in a tuxedo and have him stand at my wedding or should I really just go ahead with my pretty crazy plan to have the dirty groomsmen cleaned up no matter what?
Post # 3
Deal with it. Most men I know are VERY particular about their hair and facial hair. FI has a beard (he works at a very high-end private school) and if anyone told him to shave it, he. would. flip. out.
You cannot tell your groomsmen how to wear their hair (head, facial or otherwise) and certainly can’t tell people to get their hair cut.
Edit: I only mentioned FI’s profession to illustrate that he works in a professional setting, yet has facial hair. Maybe his facial hair would appear Burning-Man-esque to others but he loves it, and so do I!
Post # 4
Sorry – not ok. You don’t have the right to groom these guys. You can offer them the option of hair cut and shave the same way you could offer your bridesmaids hair styling and makeup – but you can’t tell them they have to have any of this done. Nor do you have any right to force this guy to cut his hair to the length you find acceptable. I think the plan to just deal is the right one. You want pictures to capture memories not be works of art! you will have plenty of beautiful pics that this guy won’t even be in
Also, if people have never had a straight edge shave before (not sure if that is what A of S would do) you might want to reconsider – it can cause some people to break out/have a bit of a rash look….
Post # 5
Also agree with Janna that your FI/other guys might not even want this as a “gift”. FI has a very particular way of trimming his beard and on our wedding day, he would want to do it himself. Same with hair. He goes to the same shop every time and would NOT appreciate going to a new one where they might “mess up” his hair.
Post # 6
Ditto the others, you don’t get to tell the groomsman how he wears his hair or facial hair, especially something as dramatic as a haircut! Presumably your FI picked these guys because they are his closest friends and family, and he loves them just as they are. That means you should too. There aren’t THAT many wedding party pictures anyway, and usually the ones of the bridal party are from kinda far away anyway.
Post # 7
The one particular groomsman that i’m thinking of just looks terrible though and I think it would be embarrassing to have him standing there looking all disheveled. His hair is just too long and it’s not like he has a beard (it’s like he half-ass shaves once a week or so) – I actually don’t mind beards even though my fiance is perfectly clean shaven. His best man has a goatee which is fine because he keeps it trimmed.
The only reason that I was going to get all of them gift certificates to the Art of Shaving was because I figured that I couldn’t just target this one particular guy and tell him that he basically looks like a dirty hippy and I’d appreciate it if he could look clean the day of the wedding.
The other groomsmen don’t have the best hair cuts but for the most part they do shave and I have enough faith in them that they will be able to clean themselves up for the wedding but this one guy looks so bad that when he came to meet us at the hotel where we were staying in Amsterdam (we went to visit my FI’s family) that the people at the front door of the hotel stopped him from coming in because he looked like a homeless person who was trying to sneak into the hotel.
My fiance even thinks that this guy looks terrible and he’s one of his best friends from college.
I just thought that it would be nice to have everyone looks as perfect as they possibly can on our special day.
Post # 8
I still don’t agree with you. You just can’t tell people how to look or cut their hair. Some people like long hair, and maybe he likes the way his facial hair looks. Either way it doesn’t matter because it’s not your place to make these decisions. Sorry.
Post # 9
I understand what you are saying, but I just really wouldn’t go there. I think the most you could ask would be for him to pull his hair back in a ponytail or something.. and even there I would tread lightly.
You could try the certificate thing, but there is a huge chance that his friends will get mad at you and call you a bridezilla behind his back (not saying you are one, but I am like 99% positive that is how guys would perceive it.) If GM wears his hair that way it’s because that is what he is comfortable in, and what he feels reflects “him.” You wouldn’t ask your female friend to lose 20 pounds for your wedding, would you? It’s the same thing.
Post # 10
I can’t imagine your groomsman would cut his hair just for your wedding and I don’t really think its appropriate to ask him to do that. Is there anyway your FI can mention to him to try to look as groomed as possible for the wedding? I don’t think it has to be made into a big ordeal, but I’m sure a casual joking mention to his friend would be fine. Unless your groomsman is clueless, I’m sure he knows how he looks and may be fine with making an extra effort to clean up for your wedding day.