Post # 1
My SO hates going to weddings because he can’t afford giving good gifts. But I know you, as the couple getting married, aren’t allowed to EXPECT gifts. So my question is, would you be offended if one of your guests DIDN’T bring a gift or money or anything?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t be offended. I might think they are a little naive about etiquette, but that’s about as far as my thought process would get, if I even noticed. I would probably be inclined to at least bring a card & bottle of wine if I couldn’t afford something more lavish, but I certainly didn’t “expect” it of my guests.
Post # 4
@Omgbunnies: Gifts are always nice but HONESTLY I probably wouldn’t even notice. A card would probably be nice though, even if you can’t afford a gift.
Post # 5
Having gone through a lot of financial hardship in the last few years (and knowing some of our friends have gone through the same) I probably wouldn’t think twice about it. I’d probably assume that somebody couldn’t afford a gift and just be happy they came. I’m actually hoping my mom doesn’t buy us a gift. I know they can’t afford it and she’s throwing my shower as it is. : ( I don’t want her to scrape by just because she wanted to get us a present.
Post # 6
I would not be comfortable going to a wedding without giving a gift. However, I don’t think you need to go beyond your budget. What about a few small kitchen items (like a spatula, stirring spoons, etc) and some recipes written up on cards? You don’t need to spend a lot if you can’t afford it, but I think a card and some kind of gift is best!
Post # 7
OK, honestly? Having been through it? depends on the couple. I expect something, even if its just a card and a $5 gift card to a store or a set of kitchen towels from walmart.
I expect the thought more than the gift, but there is an expectation for the gift to match your income, to some degree. If I know you live in a 5,000 sq foot mansion with a butler and a yacht and you give me only a card, then yes I will notice. If I know you are a student or a single mother all I want is a card and an honest congratulations.
So, in short, it depends. I had two people give me small checks forward dated. I never cashed them. It was the thought that counted. Truley.
P.S. (edit) I was unemployed for awhile and good friends were getting married. I made scrapboook albums for their showers that took nearly 30 hours and I got pictures from their family to cover their entire lives. They cried when they got it. It cost some money, but not a lot and the meaning was beyond what I could have purchased.
Post # 8
There were people who attended our wedding who did not give us a gift. I know that, for some, it absolutely would have been a financial hardship to give us anything, especially since they had already gone to the expense of traveling so far and making accommodations just to be a part of our special day. I definitely was not offended or upset. Others did not give us wedding gifts but had already spent a great deal of money being a part of our wedding party.
Post # 9
@ThreeMeers: i hope you tell them u werent going to cash them. cause they might be watching their accounts waiting for it to clear and think something happened.
Post # 10
Thank you guys. I really like your ideas- scrapbooking, baskets of smaller items (we did that our first wedding we went to, a bunch of kitchen utensils wrapped up in a kitchen bucket, but he still felt it wasn’t enough) and heartfelt cards. I love weddings but I’m pretty strapped, too. I usually don’t let that stop me, but SO feels burdened and shameful. 🙁
Post # 11
@asianyoushi: Normally I would, but I know these people. there is no chance at all they would notice and I know it would bounce their accounts. Normally I would. Itsbeien over a year and no comment, so I know I was correct in this assumption. Considering who they were, they would have said something if they noticed.
Post # 12
Personally, I agree with your SO. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to a wedding without a gift, so I would decline and send a card. I agree with PP, I think it would depend on the couple as to whether or not I would notice the absence of a gift. If I know you’re loaded or you got a friend/family member (of similar relation to you as me/SO) a very big gift, then, yeah, I’d notice. In your situation, even if I noticed I still wouldn’t mind. Still, even with this in mind I wouldn’t be willing to go to a wedding without a gift (or having sent one previously). I would do something small (like the baskets mentioned above) or decline the invitation with a congratulatory card.
Post # 13
Hate to say it, but I agree with your SO as well. I’m not of the “pay for your seat” mentality, especially for guests who are experiencing financial hardship, but the bride and groom are doing a lot to make the wedding nice for their guests, so I think the guests should thank them by bringing a gift.
One thing that you should definitely not do: don’t bring a card that says “the gift is in the mail!” and then not send a gift. One of my friends did this for my shower. Her card said “your gift is coming via your Amazon registry!” I checked my registry afterwards, and nothing new had been purchased…and I already received all the gifts that had been bought off of it. I thought that was rude/weird.
Post # 14
Please at the very least send a card or bring a card to the wedding. A gift is not required, however a card will always be cherished and can be placed in their wedding book.
Post # 15
I’d write a nice note in a card and take that. Not everyone can afford nice gifts, and you aren’t obligated to give them.
Post # 16
I’m on the boat where I kind of expect something. I mean, we’re paying out of our pockets for them to eat, drink & be merry, so something in return would be nice! However I’m not expecting everybody to buy us a £200 coffee machine. This is why we’re going to add some extremely cheap items to our gift list (£1 upwards) so there’s something for everybody, and we WILL be welcoming any handmade items with open arms. But if someone shows up to our wedding and doesn’t acknowledge our hospitality in any way, I will make sure they are scrapped off our christmas card list!
For my cousins wedding one of her friends made a dvd of just pictures from throughout the couples’ courtship with some lovely music on the background. How much did that cost? Pennies, but was appreciated more than 3 identical toasters. Another friend of hers sang at her wedding with her husband on the guitar; that was their gift. It’s the thought that counts, not the monetary value! Some of our friends are traveling hundreds of miles to be with us on our day; I’m not expecting much from them, but I would expect SOMETHING. Even if it’s helping with the wedding prep/organization during the day!