Post # 1
So, every Christmas Eve, my mom and I go over to my fiancé’s parents house and we all exchange gifts. Every year, my mom buys a gift for his parents and they give one to her. So today, a few hours before we are set to go over there, my FI’s parents call and say they aren’t exchanging gifts with my mom this year. Of course, since its last minute, my mom already got them something she’s excited to give them and its already wrapped. Is it rude to bring a gift when you were told not to? I haven’t told my mom what they said yet because I know it’d hurt her feelings. I kind of think I shouldn’t tell her and just let her give the gift. Opinions?
Post # 3
Tell her and let her choose whether she wants to give them the gift or keep it.
It was rude of them to communicate that decision at the last minute.
Post # 4
They called the day of to tell YOU that they aren’t exchanging gifts with YOUR mother this year? Rude. I get that money is tight for some people, but all they needed to do was communicate this a while ago.
Post # 6
Yeah, definitely rude to wait till the last minute to communicate this info.
Are the gifts extravagant? Could they be passed off as host/hostess gifts, since she’s going there for dinner?
Post # 7
@grapecrush: It is up to her whether or not she gives it. Perhaps she would rather keep it for herself or return it.
Gifts are not tit for tat, and shouldn’t be bought only because so and so is getting me one. It should be because you wanted to give something.
His parents were very rude, and it is probably something I would bring up with them in a few weeks.
Post # 8
It is rude for them to change notice last minute. However, it is not uncommon for guests to give a gift to the head of household – although this is usually in the form of bouquets, or food.
Post # 9
Certainly it is rude to state that you are not exchanging presents — HOURS before. I would say even a week before is still rude- most people have their shopping done (for people they usually exchange with) a few weeks in advanced.
I would tell your mom. Let your mom choose to give or not to give the gift. I would have voiced your concerns when your future in-laws called and said ” I wish you wouldve said somehting earlier! My mom will be so disappointed she was so excited to give you the gift she picked out”— which would not be rude since it is a gift EXCHANGE and not just gift giving.
But sometimes the future in-laws run by you like a train— and you are just stunned and are speechless. I hate being side swiped by my future in-laws tendencies to change things last minute!