Post # 1
I’m a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding coming up. I’m happy to be a bridesmaid but the wedding is becoming very financially draining. When all is said and done I’ll have spent around $1000.
Her shower is this weekend, and I’m co-hosting with 3 other bridesmaids. We’re splitting the cost but I’m handling most of the planning. Made and sent the invites, maintaining rsvp’s, cooking all of the food, making decorations, favors, etc.
I really can’t afford to get her a gift for the shower. As a bridesmaid and host of the shower am I required to give a gift? I am making her a recipe book from recipes that I’ve collected from the ladies invited to the shower, but I don’t know if I consider that a “shower gift.”
Is it rude to not get her a gift?
Post # 3
The shower is the gift! She shouldn’t expect a gift from you. I told my bridesmaids no gifts and they’re not even hosting a shower…
Post # 4
If you’re throwing the shower you are not required to give a gift if you cannot afford it.
Post # 5
I wish she had said no gifts! Not that I wouldn’t normally love to give her something, but man I’m broke. I’m also fresh out of grad school and still looking for a job. I plan to say absolutely no gifts from my bridesmaids!
Unfortunately she hasn’t been the most gracious during this whole process… my fiance is convinced she’s only having a wedding to get gifts lol.
Post # 6
Etiquette Snob here… lol
When it comes to the “traditonal” North American obligations of Bridesmaids you will find a quote in regards to Gifts that says…
* Contribution to a Gift for the Bride (often a pooled gift with other Bridesmaids)
* Individual Gift to the Couple
* Attendance (and possible gift) for any Showers, or Pre-Wedding Parties for the Bride / Couple
* Possibly Co-Host a Party or Shower (not mandatory… hopefully at least attend)
So, if you Co-Host a Party or Shower (# 4 above) then doing so can be your “gift in kind” to the Bride (# 1 above) especially so if you incurred expenses to hold such an event.
I have other posts on WBee about the “traditional etiquette” (vs Modern) POV “the niceities” when it comes to Bridal Party roles, responsibilities & expenses.. elsewhere on WBee, you can use the WBee SEARCH BOX to find them if you so wish.
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
@This Time Round: I love your etiquette knowkedge, whether we take it or not it is interesting to know the formalities
Post # 8
@kb7: My shower is this weekend and I’ve been very adamant to my bridesmaids and mother that no gifts are necessary. I’m thrilled enough that they’re throwing me what I know will be a great party 🙂
Has the bride let you know of her expectations?
Post # 9
No… She’s honestly been pretty selfish during this whole thing so I’m sure she’s expecting them.
Post # 10
@kb7: I think in this instance the shower is the gift. I held a shower for my sister and still got her a gift but she’s family. You have already gone above and beyond for your friend. I don’t think you need to buy her a tangible gift when you’ve already done (and spent) so much.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@kb7: Make sure to give her a heartfelt card letting her know that you are happy for her and her groom and that you hope she likes the shower (and that you especially enjoyed cooking x dish and decorating y for her to enjoy.)