Weddingbee boards

So I'm stuck for ideas here and even stuck as to whether or not to give FFIL and his wife a gift. Let me give you a touch of the background and maybe you guys can come up with some ideas. Sorry if this is long!

FFIL was a bad bad bad father to his kids. He had a number of issues which I won't get into, and left FI's family when FI was pretty small (4 or 5 I think). He didn't support FMIL and the kids after he left, made tons of promises he always broke, etc. It's a bad scene. Fast forward 20-something years. FFIL is attempting to be a good grandfather to FI's son and now has a bit of a relationship with FI built upon this fact. In no way though will FI ever really trust him or think of him as "dad" in the traditional sense. Fair enough.

FFIL and his wife are sort of in the wedding, but only because of FI's son. We don't want to do anything to make them upset and risk FSS's relationship with them. So FFIL and his wife and going down the aisle before my grandfather in the less formal part of the processional (you know when everyone looks around and says "Oh should we be paying attention?! They're those guys).

Here's where it gets weird in relation to wedding stuff. They made this really big deal about coming to see us one night (we have literally never invited them over for dinner but were forced into it), and FI thought maybe they were going to offer us some money for the wedding. They showed up with a set of stainless steel cutlery and told us to remove the ones that we had on our registry since now we had these. I refused but politely said thank you. FI's stepmother completely lied to me saying she bought the cutlery at an auction, blah blah blah when I know she got it at this discount/scam place that's literally around the corner from my house. It doesn't really matter, but it bothers me that she lied to me AND she told me to take the other ones off my registry.

They finally offered to help with the wedding (FI and I are paying for it, but we both think of it as my parents paying for it since without them and their smart decisions, that wouldn't be possible). FI's stepmother asked how much various items were and when I told her she said everything was too expensive and kept telling me how much said items were at her wedding 10 years ago. So basically I don't think they actually do want to help, they just want to say they did so they can tell other people. They decided they're going to pay for us to do something on our honeymoon which is very sweet and I'm really looking forward to it, but it's not really helping with any of the costs of the wedding....

So. Rehearsal dinner. All the wedding party gets their gifts, my parents and FMIL get their gifts................................... What do I do for ridiculous FFIL and his wife?! If you've read to the end of this congrats. If you can believe it, I was keeping that short!!!!

Sorry yes. For my parents we're getting them a theatre/night away package, it's about $225. FMIL we haven't decided yet. I'm thinking about a winery tour package or something like that. She likes "experiences" rather than "things", so I imagine that her gift will be about the same cost as my parents.

@roxy821: I certainly don't want to spend $225 on their gift. I couldn't live with that on my conscience. Plus I'd never hear the end of it from FMIL.

@roxy821: Oooh digital picture frame! I like that! Would it be terrible if I got them one that was slightly sh!tty?! LOL! Maybe I'll find it "at auction". Oh my gosh I'm evil today.

@Lindsay12.31.2010: Trust me, I thought about it. I'm saddled down with this crappy cutlery for the rest of my life. Ugh.

@roxy821: I'll have to look for a Brookstone outlet, I have to hop the border next week anyways. I can load up the frame with photos from our engagement shoot and of FI's son. FI's stepmother will eat it up.

You ladies are brilliant! So this means no kick to the pants huh?!

@stlginkgo: Hmmmmmmmmm a distinct possibility.......... I thought about taking it back from where she bought it, but I don't know if they'd give me a cash refund. I'm thinking about keeping it buried somewhere in the basement as a back-up to our back-up. I have to keep it for a couple years anyways. Sigh.

@jduck84: Oh god no we didn't remove it! I told her that the cutlery we registered for were meant to be our every day set, as we already have formal cutlery. Now we have more formal cutlery. Seriously, I took one of the forks out of the little plastic protective bag and it had sticky on the handle like a sticker had been removed. Did someone else have the set and return them?! It just gives me the heebie geebies. One of my friends was laughing "I know you spent all this time registering, but here's something that's sort of similar but that you don't actually want, but now you're stuck with it, so you should just go ahead and remove the thing you DID want." Thaaaaaaaaaaaanks. Who does that?!

@Maggie Mae:  I was thinking I could get them a $50 gift card to their favourite restaurant or something, but I didn't want to get them something that said the cost on it, LOL! Plus I realize their "contribution to the wedding" is likely to be about $200, so I'm not about to spend the same amount on their present. Unfortunately they don't have a lot of hobbies other than going to their villa in Europe and then telling the world about how they don't have any money. It's very strange. I don't know otherwise what they do to fill their time, I think they're homebodies for the most part.

@stlginkgo: At least it's silver!!!! That's far more appropriate as a gift from a parent! I got stainless steel and it's possibly been used! LOL! Is your FMIL buying it from where you registered? I'm sure you could just take it and exchange it for the pattern you wanted.

@Maggie Mae: Ya these people are over.the.top. Don't even get me started. I mean, don't get me wrong, they've been supportive and they're very excited for us which is really sweet. They just have NO perspective on anything and most of what they do is for bragging rights, it's all very strange. FI didn't even want to invite them to the rehearsal dinner but I told him we had to. Ooooh the stories I could tell..... So picture frame/photo album it is!

@roxy821: Nice! Thanks so much! Target is definitely on the list when I hop the border. I'm so sad we don't have them in Canada :( 

@stlginkgo: Oooh that's awful. She doesn't get it does she? It's lovely she wants you to have silver, but that's annoying that it's not even matching to the pattern you picked.

@roxy821: I'll just pop over and pick it up. I have to go down next week to pick up my mirror paint from Sherwin Williams anyways (stupid Krylon doesn't sell it in Canada!).

@pendola: Ditto. I don't really care that they're not contributing, it's what I expected to happen. I just don't want to give them something on par with my parents or FMIL who are lovely people and have actually helped whether financially, physically, or emotionally. But I also realize it's a politics game and something has to be given. I'm not willing to offend them in some way and risk my FSS's relationship with them.

@Tanya123: They're relatively technologically friendly, so I think it would be fine. I'll also pre-load some photos onto it for them. I think they'd love it.

@awakemysoul: I'll keep my eyes peeled! Thanks!

Thanks again for the input ladies, you're amazing!

@stlginkgo: It's all about impressions isn't it?! LOL!