gift for the bride? how to handle?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I supposed to give her a wedding gift, too?
    Yes, absolutely : (8 votes)
    14 %
    No, not necessary : (14 votes)
    25 %
    Card only : (33 votes)
    59 %
    Small gift from registry : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    988 posts
    Busy bee

    Every time a simmilar question is posted on here, there seems to be a general outcry of “of course you MUST get her a gift for ever event (shower/bachelorette party/wedding) you attend!” However, my personal opinion is this: gifts should always be freely given NOT mandatory. I have made it clear to my bridesmaids that I do not expect a gift from them and I have no expectations when it comes to gifts at the actual wedding (sure, FI and will probably get plenty, but we’ve agreed that we’d rather enjoy the people, not the presents, so anyone who shows up empy-handed is just as appreciated as someone who brings gifts).

    Truly, what stands out most in the original post is the fact that you understood that you didnt’ receive a gift at your wedding because she spent a lot on showers/travel…surely she’ll understand the same whe the roles are reversed.

    Post # 3
    745 posts
    Busy bee

    I think card only, but make sure it’s a meaningful card. 

    I’d probably be a little dissapointed if I got a generic “Congrats, love ya!” from an only bridesmaid..but if the note was touching and personal, I absolutely wouldn’t expect anything more (especially after all you’ve spent!)

    Post # 4
    1062 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Accidentally voted for No, Not Necessary, but I think you should get her a card. 

    Post # 5
    869 posts
    Busy bee

    You’ve spent so much already and that is amazing! You definitely don’t need to get her another gift. Find a lovely card and write 1 or two personal sentences inside. That is more than enough! 

    Post # 8
    1491 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

     I really don’t get why these days being a bridesmaid should be such a huge financial burden. If you are being financially squeezed, then get her a nice card. Gifts should only be freely given. I voted “no, not necessary”

    Post # 9
    2915 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    If she didn’t get you one, I wouldn’t get her one. Give her a nice card.

    Post # 10
    2792 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think at least half our wedding party didn’t get us a gift.  Now, I think I would have really appriciated a nice card from everyone still, even without a gift.  At the same time, I think the gift that the wedding party gives is paying for the costs associated with attending the wedding and being in the wedding. 

    Post # 11
    30 posts
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Church

    I was Maid of Honor at my best friend’s wedding and I gave her a card and as bridesmaids we all gave her a gift together.  Her mother and I threw her a shower and the flight for that along with the dress for the wedding was a financial stresser for me.  You have to think that some of these “traditions” are born of the wedding industry.

    Post # 12
    3778 posts
    Honey bee

    Nice card and that’s it! You have spent plenty of money so far!

    Post # 13
    988 posts
    Busy bee


    anonybee0810:  Which one actually make the “joke”? If it was the groom, could it be that he doesn’t realize how much you’ve already spent. It could be that the bride is aware and isn’t expecting anything, but hasn’t relayed this information on to her FI.

    Post # 14
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    anonybee0810:  Do you want to give her a gift? If so, then give her a gift. If not, then don’t. I really don’t think it’s necessary to keep score on who give or didn’t give at a wedding before/after. Everyone has different ideas on “etiquette” and you will hear both sides on WB. So aside from the financial spend that has happened, ask yourself if you want to and give/not give. 

    Post # 15
    766 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Get her a lovely card and let that be the end of it.

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