(Closed) Gift info on invite – do I HAVE to give her what she wants?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Do you know anyone else that is invited that you might be able to go halves with? If you can’t afford something like that, then that’s fine. Perhaps just give them a cheque, or maybe just buy them a regular wedding gift.

Post # 4
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I was going to say just give them a check or cash, don’t buy them a gift that they clearly don’t want/need.

Post # 5
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@Nellop:  Nobody can tell you what to buy them as a gift.
Buy whatever gift you want to give or get them a giftcard for the value you feel comfortable with giving.

Post # 6
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

If you’re only invited to the evening do, I wouldn’t think twice about just giving them a nice bottle of Champagne or £20 or so in an envelope, depending on how much you want to spend. 

Ettiquete in the UK is so different on this type if thing, since in the US it’s almost unheard of to invite someone to only part of the day. When I’ve been invited to just the evening do, I really haven’t felt bad about giving a smaller gift. Usually I’m not as close with the bride or groom, which is why I haven’t been invited to the full day, so a smaller gift makes sense. 

Post # 7
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee

Give them whatever you want to give them. They won’t/shouldn’t be mad at you for it. IMHO, it’s not really even polite to put something like that on the invitation. So if you are trying to match their “politeness” then give them whatever you’d like! And besides, there are PLENTY of things that they could use even if they have been living together.

 

Post # 8
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would do cash or a check, or maybe a gift card for somewhere you know they would use it (like a resturant, Visa gift card, etc.).  That way you can choose a value you’re comfortable with, and you can be sure it won’t go to waste.  I think if I was in that situation I’d rather get even a small check than a random gift that, even if it’s nice, I just have no use for.

Post # 9
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

This might make me public enemy number one, but I dislike registries soliticing a direct deposit of money from my account to the bride and groom’s, regardless of purpose, to me, it lacks a certain grace and gentility that a thoughtful gift contains. 

I understand that a lot of people co-habitate prior to marriage and have set up their households long ago, I still refuse to just give someone money, it lacks imagination or care.

So while it would be appreciated, it certainly is not a requirement.  I find that even if I go agains their set up honey funds or whatever else you crazy kids do now-a-days, I always receive a sincere thanks and moreoever, a place in their memory, as one person, that took the time to find something lovely, for them to open and enjoy, as man and wift.

P.S. – No one in the history of Nona’s life has EVER complained about the TIffany’s crystal champagne flutes I send with a bottle of Vive-Cliqcuot…ever.

Post # 10
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is what FI and I are doing for our wedding. We wont get to go on a honeymoon as we are paying for the wedding ourselfs. We are hoping everyone will just give money towards a trip. With that said I dont expect everyone will.  I am very sure some people will bring gifts and its not like you can be angry about a gift lol

Post # 11
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@LadyElva:  I like this suggestion. Have a friend you can go in with for the voucher? Otherwise just give money. I wouldn’t get a physical gift they don’t need/want.

Post # 12
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

I would probably just give them a cash or cheque in the amount of what you feel is an appropriate

Post # 13
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My personal opinion is that asking for money/travel vouchers is kinda bad etiquette to begin with so would it really be terrible etiquette to not give anything at all? Furthermore, you aren’t even invited to the reception. I don’t intend to sound nasty at all, but I just don’t think that sort of “invite” calls for a gift.

I am with you in that, when I give a gift, I do not wish to disclose the amount and think putting a price value to a gift is distasteful. If this couple is going to ask for (or prefer) travel vouchers IMO that means they do NOT want any other type of gift that they would not use. Either get them a travel voucher or nothing at all.

I don’t think they’d be too terribly hurt if you didn’t get anything at all because of the way they phrased it “if you are CONSIDERING a gift”.

Post # 14
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, we certainly didn’t ask for anything in particular, though we did register and just had my mother tell people (if the asked!).  We did receive several lovely gifts that were not on the registry that we really treasure, though.  My husband and the extra whisk, not so much, but I liked it.  🙂 

Anyway – if there is a group of you going together and you want to split it, go ahead.  If you don’t want to put the thought into it, throw some cash in a card and call it a day.  If you know something they’d like, get them a real gift (that’s always always always my preference, but I have given really cash-strapped friends money or chosen something I know they really wanted off the registry).

Post # 15
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know about everyone else, but I would be absolutely aghast to receive an invitation that not only dictated to me *WHAT* I should give (“travel vouchers only, please!”) but also *HOW MUCH* I would have to spend on one. I am appalled at how unpardonably rude and presumptuous this seems.

If this were a really good friend, and I knew her to not normally be a rude person, I would try to give her the benefit of the doubt (i.e. maybe the travel agency sets the amounts of the vouchers?), but I would still not spend more than I was comfortable with. And if it WASN’T a close friend, well, I DEFINITELY would not reward bad behavior by getting a gift they basically demanded. You have to decide for yourself, of course, how you feel about them and about this, but … wow. To me, it comes off as unspeakably entitled.

Post # 16
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would just do the basic wedding gift which is cash or a check. 

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