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Attended the shower and brought a gift. Attended the wedding with a card -- and inside, a note that I was keeping the gift (glassware) safe at my house for the couple to pick up at their convenience (after the honeymoon).
No gift -- save dinner, drinks, etc. for the bride split among all in attendance -- for the bachelorette.
Hope this helps!
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actually i didn't know you were supposed to bring a gift to the shower AND wedding until i started poking around on different wedding sites. that was definitely news to me! i've always just brought a gift to the shower and that was that. no one's ever said anything otherwise.
my question always was, if you purchased a gift for the shower from the registry, what are you supposed to bring to the wedding? the only time i brought a gift to the wedding was when i didn't send it ahead of time or didn't attend the shower.
just go with what your group typically expects. there are some people [like my group of folks] who don't follow the traditional wedding ettiqute at all so no one will be offended either way.
I don't know what's the real etiquette but I've always brought a gift to the shower and given cash at the wedding (so the B&G don't have to load big items the day of).
I always bring a gift off the registry for the shower, then fun girly gag gifts for the bachelorette party (like some fun lingerie, gag candy gifts, etc). And for the wedding, I either do a more expensive gift off the registry or cash.
From my experience, if you are invited to the shower and the wedding, two gifts are expected. The shower gift can be just for the bride if you want it to be (or something for both of them) and the wedding gift is definitely for both of them.
Wow, Im glad I read this! Ive always given gifts at EVERYTHING ive gotten an invitation too... Every shower/party seems to end with the bride opening her gifts in front of everyone, so I always thought it was customary to bring a gift to all of them! The bachelorette party asks for "naughty items", the bridal shower asks for "sentimental gifts" and the actual wedding asks for "registry items". Maybe I should be rethinking this how many gifts I give...
I agree - gifts for each occasion. Something small and fun for the bachelorette party, but "regular" gifts or cash for the bridal shower and wedding. I can't imagine showing up empty handed at either event!
I second what Magpie said.
I always bring a gift to the shower and a card with cash to the wedding. I can't imagine showing up at either event without a gift. For the bachelorette I split dinner or drinks with everyone else, no "gift" per se.
I understood that you give a gift at the shower and at the wedding. For bachelorettes I usually just get something small- like a coursage for the bride to wear while we're partying.
OK- according to Emily Post:
http://www.emilypost.com/newsroom/newsletters/fall06.htm
Hands down, the most asked question this summer was: “If I bring a gift to the shower, do I have to bring a gift to the wedding?”
Our answer: These are two separate events that require two separate gifts. Other than for workplace showers, shower guests are also wedding guests. If you attend a shower, you should bring a gift. If you do not attend, you may choose whether to send a gift or not. If you attend multiple showers, you only need to bring a gift to one; you may certainly bring gifts to the other showers, but a card for the honoree is fine, too.
As for the wedding, you should send the bride and groom a wedding gift whether you attend the wedding or not. Gifts are usually sent to the bride after the wedding invitation is received and before the wedding. After the wedding, gifts are sent to the home of the bride and groom. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have a year to send a gift (nor do the bride and groom have a year to thank you!) Send the gift within three months of the wedding. If you receive a wedding announcement, you may choose to send a gift or not, but it is considerate to send a note or card with your best wishes.
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I always thought it was tacky and selfish to expect gifts from all of those things. We're supposed to come and celebrate love and marriage, not greed. If someone gives you a gift at the shower they shouldnt be expected to give you a gift at the wedding too. Maybe its my blue collar roots but I dont think people have money to shell out gift after gift especially since it costs so much to even attend a wedding (along with bridal shower and bachellorette) these days. But thats just my opinion.
I think different regions and cultures vary. In my family and circle of friends, we typically do registry gifts for the shower, split costs of the bachelorette party and a small gift, then cash for the wedding. Sometimes I do something sentimental or themed for a gift for any of the events.
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For the shower I typically bring a gift off the registry and to the wedding I give cash, (so the bride and groom don't have to deal with loading boxes or anything like that). For the bachelorette I usually dont' give a gift but split the cost for the bride with the other girls in attenance.
I usually order everything online from their registry so I don't have to deal with boxes and the gift goes straight to their home. I give a gift for each event.
Gift for the shower(s), gift for the wedding, and pitch in for the bride's drinks/dinner/etc. at the bachelorette party!
Hmm.. of the weddings I've attended, the bridal shower and bachelorette party were usually together. But we would give bachelorette party type gifts during the "bridal shower" portion of the weekend.
As for the wedding gift, we would either bring a card with cash, or order off the registry and send it to their home before the wedding. I read that we shouldn't bring gifts to the wedding, but instead have them delivered (so the bride and groom does not have to worry about transporting everything).
I don't think its weird to arrive empty handed at all. But if it makes you feel better - you can bring a card with a message letting them know that their gift is in the mail. But, I do send/get a gift for each occassion - as they are all different.
Bridal Shower- Lingerie or Registry Gift!
Bachelorette- Funny stuff / or Buy the Bride a shot!
Wedding- Expensive gift off Registry or Card with Money!
That's how it is around here (MD).
People in my network usually bring a gift to each shower they are invited to and then don't bring a gift to the wedding. I think it's too much for people to bring gifts to the shower and the wedding. I've never brought a gift to a wedding if I've attended the shower.
I give a gift for the bridal shower and a gift for the wedding. I try to give a gift specifically for the bride for the shower and something off of the registry for the wedding.
Bridal Shower : something personal to the bride if you are close...I love to make "honeymoon bags" for people I am close to....example: homemade pic frame specific to the honeymoon destination, sunscreen, beach towel, sunglasses, guide book for specific location, lingerie, body oils, etc for a beach theme honeymoon.
Wedding: Money or registry item
Bachelorette Party: other girls chip in for the bride, usually her dinner, all her drinks, and either a combined gift or a personal gift....lingerie, body chocolate, etc...your job here is to make sure the bride has a night to remember!!! My favorite bachelorette party gift/game is everyone bringing a sexy pair of panties for the bride to keep, but she has to guess who each pair is from...if wrong, there are consequences! (take a shot, truth or dare, etc.)
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I tihnk the etiquette rule states you should bring a gift to both shower and wedding. Bach Party is more paying for the bride and possibly small/fun gift.
BUT...I certainly don't expect anyone to go bankrupt for my wedding. I know we tend to think of weddings in terms of how much we are spending, but that is our choice! It's an honor for someone to make the effort to come to my wedding, and I don't expect them to bankrupt themself to do so. I would say that generally a small gift and card is appropriate for any social occasion (don't you usually bring at least a bottle of wine/flowers when you go to someone's house for dinner?). And so a wedding should be no different...at least something should be given. But I don't think it has to "pay for your plate" or even cost much at all if you are unable to afford it.
I bring a gift off the registry for the shower, then bring a card with a check for the wedding. For the bachelorette party, I contribute to the dinner/entertainment/accessories (veil, tshirts, etc.) along with the other girls. I find this to be pretty common practice among my friends, where I'm from (NYC). Howeever, I've been to other weddings outside of the East Coast where it seemed like bringing an actual gift to the reception (versus a cash envelope) was the norm.
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I would take a gift to the bachelorette & bridal shower. For the bachelorette id give the girl something sexy like lingerie, and for the bridal shower id gift something from their registry.
I'm with the majority of you that some gift is reasonable for each event, depending on the style of the event.
If money is a real concern, though, I cannot imagine being upset at a friend who brought something inexpensive but thoughtful. Actually, I couldn't imagine being upset at a person for not brining a gift, period. From this whole gaggle of bees, no one seems to think the amount spent is all that important. Just as with every other moment in life, it is the thought that counts.
Gifts for both - definitely! And give as your budget allows. If you have $30 total to spend, then give a $10 shower gift and a $20 wedding gift. The amount doesn't matter. It's just that usually (except for a co-worker shower), if people are invited to a bridal shower they are a closer friend that those invited to the wedding only and no showers. So why wouldn't these closer friends want to celebrate both occasions with a gift - however large or small you want to afford.
As a side topic, bringing gifts to a wedding - whether they are money cards, gift cards or a wrapped gift - puts a burden on the family to watch over throughout the recpetion and haul home at the end of the night. Wedding gifts should be sent to the couple in advance of the wedding as a courtesy. I'm so surprised at the number of people who don't do this.
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If you are invited to the Bridal Shower, Bacholerette Party, and Wedding, which event would you bring the gift to? In my case, I brought mine to the bridal shower since I was not able to attend the wedding. But I've heard people bring one to the bridal shower and one to the wedding. It would be awkward to not bring anything to the shower since they tend to open gifts there and show everybody. But it would be wierd to go to the wedding empty-handed.
What did you guys do in that case?