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Yes, this is a more common problem than it should be. My mother would hit me with a stick and ask me if I was raised in a barn if I EVER showed up without a gift in hand to a wedding. Even if you're really poor, a $15 bottle of wine is still appreciated if you don't get them a registry gift or gc.
I'm not really into the "thank you for coming" notes. I don't plan on sending them. The way I see it is if we invited our guests to our home, fed them a lovely meal and provided lively conversation & entertainment I would not send them a thank you afterwards. A wedding is another form of hospitality and I don't think its necessary to thank those who receive your hospitality, beyond of course thanking them for coming in person.
I am however, doing everything I can to make sure my guests are comfortable - transportation when needed, OOT bags, morning after brunch etc.
I know a lot of bees aren't going to agree with me but this is just my honest opinion.
ETA: agreed EJS. I never go anywhere with out a gift - no matter how small. It shocks me people would do this. My mother would hit with me a stick too if I didn't.
oh, I'm sorry to hear. It seems a little strange to me too. Was your wedding on the more casual side?
I don't think you need to send Thank You for Coming notes but you really need to send Thank You notes for those who bought you a gift/check. Honest..it means alot.
do your expectations change if they've travelled really far? we've got guests coming from as far as australia. travel + nyc accomodations - i think their presence would be gift enough!
Why is your presence not a gift? I don't know if I'd describe my guests presence as a gift, but it's certainly a treat!
I love getting and giving gifts, but I don't have an expectation for it. Then again, I was engaged without a ring at first, so...
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not very well versed in proper wedding etiquette but I will say that I would never show up to a wedding without a gift. Maybe it was brought up but that's where I stand on gifts and weddings. I am now bracing myself for my own wedding in the event that guests do not give gifts; I know it'll be a little bit disappointing.
You're absolutely correct, although it's not mandatory, it would still suck if guests did not bother giving a little token.
Yes, I think the rules change for OOT guests. To me they've spent above and beyond for transportation, etc.
I don't think gifts are mandatory at all. Do most people GIVE them? Yes, they do, but I don't think I would be disappointed if I don't receive gifts from everyone. I'm not having a wedding for people to bring me gifts. I'm having a wedding to celebrate the love for my fince in front of those I love.
Sorry to disagree - I think OOT guests shouldnt have to bring a gift. We've done it for two weddings - seriously we spent over $4000 to go to London for one wedding & attempted to get a gift, to find her registry in the fancy London store had gone bankrupt so we werent about to go on a mission for that and the other was $2000 to go to USVI for a destination wedding - Now that I am getting married, I dont expect it from OOT guests either. I just dont understand spending thousands on a persons wedding and still having to bring a gift. Not too mention after we booked the island DW we come to find out there were local events/ceremonies in FH's city that we could have attended for lot less - but still went to DW.
In town guests, that's another story - I decided to keep my wedding in town to accomodate other people & not have them spend alot (my family) on travel - FH is originally from Texas but has lived here for over 15 years - so here made sense. So yes, I would be made if I am giving them a meal over $100 that's right in their backyard and I didnt get a gift - however we are not having a wedding to get gifts rather to celebrate our union - so I guess I could care less.
Just my 2C!
I kind of hate to say it, but I completely agree with this! If their presence is their gift, then what is their gift to us for giving them a nice meal, free booze and showing them a good time? I know not ALL weddings are fun to go to, and sometimes, brides and grooms don't put as much effort into the comfort of their guests' as they should, but I was always raised to give a gift at any event, including a dinner party! I mean, we recently had a family get married, and they've always been really nasty to us, and we were invited to their wedding, but did not attend because it was too far away, and we even sent a small gift from their registry!
I would never ex-communicate someone for not giving us a gift at our wedding, but you know, I kind of expect a little something. Just bein' honest! And I do think it has a lot to do with where and how you were raised and what etiquette rules are in your social circle.
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Wedding gifts are appropriate. I have never attended a wedding or shower and not given a gift, even a small one. I have never attended an out-of-town wedding and not given a gift. My presence is not a gift. I have never not sent a gift to a shower or wedding that I couldn't attend. While a gift is technically not mandatory, it has become a contemporary tradition. Kind of like an engagement ring. It's not mandatory, but let's face it brides, we would be disappointed without one!