Gifts: best of these non-ideal options?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should we bring to the wedding?
    A nice card : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Card + bottle of wine : (32 votes)
    39 %
    Card + $50 cheque : (29 votes)
    35 %
    Skip it. It's an invite, not a court summons, and the couple sounds grabby. : (18 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1750 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Since the couple and their registries have left you with a negative impression, it might be best to not attend the wedding.

    Post # 3
    Member
    8916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I agree with your husband that it’s rude to show up at a wedding without a gift (even if their registries are eyeroll inducing) – ESPECIALLY as he works with the guy every day!! Be the bigger person and bring a gift. $50 value, either in cash or gift form, seems fine. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1180 posts
    Bumble bee

    You can’t see me, but I’m giving major side-eye right now. Offering tea and cake, telling you when to leave, but registered for expensive gifts. If it were my FI and me, $50 gift from the both of us. And load up on cake. ;-D

    Post # 5
    Member
    564 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    rachel85:  

    If you don’t want to attend? Don’t attend. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Rude, rude, rude. No, this is more like rude stacked on top of more rude. I’m honestly baffled by their greed. If you absolutely must go, send $50 towards their honeymoon fund and call it a day.

    Here’s hoping the cake’s worth it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    rachel85:  If you like a couple enough to attend their wedding, you should like them well enough to offer some token gift representing your best wishes. It doesn’t need to be expensive, but you should give something tangible.

    Of course if you don’t like the couple, you don’t need to give them anything. But then you really also should not attend their wedding.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3016 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

    Xu:  Yep. These people are lame. I’d get them a nice bottle of wine and call it a day. (And load up on cake, obviously.)

    Post # 10
    Member
    8071 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Wow it’s so inappropriate to register for “bride stuff” lingerie, handbags, jewelry wtf? 

    I don’t think theres anything wrong with registering for expensive things as long as it’s balanced with moderate and low price items.

    And obviously 5 places is way overkill- I mean who needs to register for honeymoon stuff and cash!? I mean, people can just write you a check if they want- no need to freaking register for it.

    but because your hubs works with him I would opt for a low end gift off the registry. It’s nicer than a 50$ check, even if it’s of the same $$ value. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    4760 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Really no point in getting upset over someone’s registry.  A registry isn’t a list of things you need to buy to attend nuptuls.  I donno why people get their panties in a bunch over it. Sure I’ve rolled my eyes on plenty of registries but to be offended by them.

    Did this couple go to your wedding?  If they gave you cash I’d give them that ammount back.  If they gave you an expensive gift I’d give the number in that ballpark.

    If they did not go to yours I’d just give them $25 dollars for the wedding you described.  I mean they aren’t even providing wine or beer, please, $50 is far too much.  

    Post # 12
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    rachel85: I voted bottle of wine. There’s some nice two buck chuck – just slap a custom label (bride and groom name with wedding date) on it. Wine is classy and customizing it with their wedding details is thoughtful and shows that it’s about them. Ta-dah!

    Post # 13
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Well, I personally don’t think a couple deserves cheaper gifts because they chose to host a wedding they could afford rather than a fancy plated affair. That said, give what you feel is appropriate based on your relationship to the couple.

    But seriously? PayPal? Just no

    Post # 14
    Member
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    $25 gift card to Applebee’s and a grocery store congrats card. Boom.

    Post # 15
    Member
    337 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    rachel85:  Being a coworker of your DHs, and the fact that he wants to go I would attend.  I think 5 registries is excessive, and I think the description of the wedding (casual garden), no dinner, but rather tea and cake doesn’t warrant a super expensive gift.  I would offer up more than a card, but I like the wine idea ~ two gifts we received that we loved – a very nice bottle of champagne (it was a $100 bottle that we would never treat ourselves to but what a treat!) and a very good bottle of wine that ages well with a little note for us directing us on how to care/store the wine because it will be at it’s prime for our 20th wedding anniversary.  Maybe you could look at something like that, that has a little more meaning, but doesn’t make you feel like you’re breaking the bank?

    The registeries with the expensive items, I wouldn’t fixate too much or read too much into them – I’ve heard of some couples registering for multiple sites/items because stores usually offer a discount to the couple for purchasing anything left on the registery that wasn’t purchased (so if the couple needs a new couch or has wanted those $400 curtain rods from restoration hardware, they may not have actually expected someone to buy it, but rather they intended to buy after the wedding and receive 15% off by having it as part of their registery).  Just a thought.

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