Post # 1
So what’s the etiquette on giving gifts to the bridesmaids and groomsmen?
My BMs have not had to help out in anyway for the wedding. I will be buying their dresses, shoes and paying for their hair and make-up. I have not asked for their input in anything other than what they would like to wear. I do not expect them to foot any bridal shower/ hen’s night bills. I’m pretty lax and have been pottering along planning and getting things organised on my own steam, along with my FI.
Also, same thing goes for the Groomsmen. One of them has offered to do our invitations but we will be paying for that. We have also offered to pay for their suits.
Now, I would love to be able to get them all something nice as a gift on the day but what if we can’t afford it? How will it look? I know none of them would care at all but my MIL is the one really pushing for it and I feel so bad that I don’t share her sentiment on the matter. She says it’s tradition but we don’t live in the past and, as I said, although I would love to get them something if we can, I’m not going to put ourselves out for the gifts.
So what’s everyone’s opinion on the topic?
This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by itsmeetam.
Post # 2
I think you’re perfectly ok to not get them an additional gift if you are already paying for everything else. That said, they are giving up their time and energy to be there to support you, so I would definitely acknowledge it… write them each a meaningful, personal note about how much their friendship has meant to you and how much you value their presence and support at your wedding.
Post # 3
sassbunny: That’s a great idea! In my heart, I would love to get them all something nice, I’m just not sure if we can afford to do these little things. A personal note would be lovely!
Post # 4
itsmeetam: Gifts are never required. And a heartfelt note is often more meaningful than any material gift could ever be.
Post # 5
itsmeetam: They are spending their time to be with you on your special day. So yes, I think you should get them something. It doesn’t have to be anything flashy. Handwritten note with a bottle of wine/lotion/candle/chocolates. Check out etsy. They have some things that are affordable if you wanted to go trinket.
Post # 6
itsmeetam: I feel like if you are paying for their dresses, make-up, hair and shoes then a gift isn’t necessary. Especially if they haven’t helped out with anything else. Mine haven’t done much and some have done nothing, and I didn’t pay for any of their clothes and we are doing our own hair and make-up. I am getting them gifts, but the two that helped out will get something extra.
If you do want to give something small, maybe do a card with a gift card to a coffeeshop for the bridesmaids and you could throw a can of pop with a tiny bottle of alcohol tied to it with a card for the groomsmen. Cheap gift to say thanks and I am sure they would be happy. It isn’t like they were require to do much work.
Post # 7
partyplanner83: i know where you’re coming from 🙂 My BMs are my sister and SIL, so they would be there anyway. I’d love to get them something nice. My MIL is the one who is bent on us getting them something (and she’s always pointing out really expensive things). By then, I’ll have spent $250 on each of their dresses, $50 or so on each pair of shoes and $200 each for hair and make-up plus MIL thinks I should get them shawls so there will be that… Where does it end?
merpitymerp: yeah, I’m thinking that would be the way to go. It really does mean a lot to me that they will just be there. I haven’t placed any expectations on them because I feel it’s my wedding and my responsibilty plus it’s been smooth sailing (so far, hehe). I think they’d like a letter and also what REchick: said, a nice little gift like chocolates, wine,gift card, etc would be good.
Thamks for all your suggestions ladies! I think I was just looking for reassurance that it was ok not to have to get them something extravagant since we were paying for all their needs for the wedding and I was perhaps being a little guilted into it by my MIL (she means well).
Post # 8
itsmeetam: Oh so she’s getting “like that”. Well she may need a reminder of who is paying for all of this. The answer to where it all stops…well you and FI say where it stops TBH. I would have your FI talk to her. It is not necessary to spend a garillion dollars when you are already paying for everything else. If I were in your situation $20 to $30 per girl tops.
I have six girls (My FI had a wedding vision, he now regrets his desicion since checks are being cashed lol) I’m getting them candles and lotion from Bath and Body works that I found on sale ($10) A necklace ($20) and I’m going to put one more thing in there, I haven’t decided. About $50 bucks per gift bagl. I’m also paying for hair.
Post # 9
I was also going to suggest just writing a sweet message to them in a card and maybe just do a framed photo of the two of you. Paying for dresses, shoes and H/M is very generous.
Post # 10
I think after paying for their dresses, hair, and makeup…you’ve pretty much given them their “gift.” There is no need to get them anything else. I know most people will say that if it’s a “prop” or necessary for your wedding then it doesn’t count as a gift, but in this case I completely disagree. It would be different if they paid for everything themselves and you didn’t get them a gift. You’ve basically made this cost free for your ladies and the groomsmen. A nice card with a handwritten note thanking them for being with you is more than enough at this point.
Post # 11
Girl, you are doing enough!!! I am in the same situation. Mine haven’t helped me and I like you hardly asked. I am paying for my girls jewelry, got them a robe to get ready in and have paid for them all to get their hair and makeup done professionally. A card would be the only thing else I would get them.