Post # 1
I need some advice here: My parents are being amazing and paying for my wedding. My FI’s parents are contributing to a few things before and after the wedding (welcome reception for OOT guests, rehearsal dinner, etc.), but much less $$$. I want, and I think it would be appropriate, to get my parents an extra-nice gift. So here are my questions:
(1) Do you agree? Or should I give both sets of parents the same?
(2) What should I get them?? I’m looking for something that goes above and beyond what we were going to get for both sets of parents (a personalized frame & handkerchief for moms & pocket knife for dads). It’s tricky, because I think my parents would appreciate extra acknowledgement, but also would not want me to spend too much…
(3) *When* would I give it to them? On one hand, it would feel awkward to give it to them in front of FI’s parents, but on the other hand, if we gave it to them in private, I don’t want FI’s parents to think we were hiding it from them when they found out…
Post # 2
bringingthefunk : I’m in the same boat in terms of parents’ financial contributions. I’m getting them things that are mostly equal in terms of cost because I know my parents wanted to pay for this (we told them they didn’t need to) and I know they wouldn’t want me to get them something OTT just for the sake of it. I have thanked them genuinely so many times throughout the planning process, and plan on giving them each a heartfelt letter with their gifts. IMO, that is more valuable to them than the price tag.
Post # 3
We gave our parents equal gifts. My parents paid for the wedding and his paid for out rehearsal dinner, the groom & groomsmen’s suits, and our honeymoon. Even though my parents spent significantly more money, the way we viewed it was that we weren’t just thanking them for thier financial contributions but also for all the years they spent raising us and all the great things they done for us.
Post # 4
kcwilson11 : Thank you!! I love the letter idea, I think I might steal it. 🙂
Post # 5
We gave both sides an equivalent gift. Both gave what they could, and IMO it would have been unfair to select gifts based on the final amount. We gave the gifts at the reheasal dinner. It was a lovely moment to share with everyone there.
Post # 6
My parents paid 5x more of the wedding expenses than DH’s. We got them the same gift. To me, we needed to treat our parents the same and not have the air of favoritism.
We got dual frames that had our invitation framed on one side and later got them a wedding photo to put on the other side (we used an e-pic for a filler before we got the wedding pictures back).
Post # 7
hikingbride : That’s a great way to look at it, thanks for your insight!
Post # 8
I’ve always seen gifts to parents be given at the rehersal dinner. If you plan to do this, please don’t give your parents a larger gift at an event your future parent in-laws are hosting and in front of a group of people. Discreetly giving your parents an additional gift isn’t hiding it from your in-laws, it’s just being considerate.
That being said, the gifts aren’t usually a “thank you for giving us money” gift, they’re normally a “thank you for being there for us and being such a huge and wonderful part of our lives” gift. In that aspect, your FIs parents deserve an equivalent gift to yuppie parents. They don’t have to be the same thing or exactly the same price, but similar would be nice.
Post # 9
bringingthefunk : I would do equal gifts and just write cards/notes that are unique to each person to go with them.
We felt like the gifts were not based on how much each person contributed but rather a thank you based on their love and support during all of it. Gifts should always be a result of the sentiment, not a reciprocal value based on what the recipient gave you (in my opinion).
So yeah I’d give them each the already-planned gifts, and then write a note to each one. In the note to your parents you can make sure you mention that you are so grateful for their contribution and that they’re enabling you to have the wedding you always dreamed of etc.
Post # 10
my mom paid for our wedding and i got her sworski crystal figurines. a couple of of them in fact. i spent a couple hundred.
DH’s mom, i bought a $15 watch. she did not contribute anything to the wedding. she saw mine and liked it so i got her one similar. it was those rubber watches with the sparkle around the dial that was popular a few years ago. i also paid for her makeup to be done with us, well i guess techinically my mom did.
Post # 11
We did the same for both sides and they were sentimental tokens with heartfelt cards. There was no gift we could give to appropriately thank my parents for throwing the wedding. I wouldnt tier the quality of what youre giving, certainly not if theyre given in front of others at the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 12
Thanks, bees!! FI and I will do the same gifts for both sets, but with the appropriate personalization for each as y’all have suggested. I appreciate the advice! (Also, thanks for being way nicer about clueing me into my appalling lack of etiquette than the WeddingWire folks…)