Post # 1
Mostly, I just need to vent… my best friend just got married this weekend, and as a bridal party, part of our gift to the bride & groom was to pay for half of the trolley for the wedding day transportation (the cost was nearly double the cost of a standard limo, and the bridal party agreed last year to cover approximately half in order to make it possible for the bride & groom to have the trolley, and also to lessen their burden).
In addition to the contribution for the trolley, which was ~$80 per person, I thought it would be appropriate to give a gift to the bride & groom. They paid for the wedding themselves, with a small contribution from the groom’s family, and both are very kind and generous people. It makes sense to give an additional gift, nevermind what our contributions have been over the course of being in the bridal party, because as I see it, that’s the cost of being in the bridal party. You should still give a gift for the wedding because you love the bride & groom.
Well, that’s my take on it… I’m sorely disappointed in other members of the bridal party who have quoted financial distress as a reason not to give the bride & groom a gift for the wedding (in addition to the money we contributed to the trolley). I know it can be difficult, but I don’t think that’s really fair to the bride & groom to not give them an actual gift for the wedding just because people didn’t budget properly for the costs of being in the wedding.
Am I crazy?!
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I would consider chipping in for the trolley to be my gift to the couple since that is not normally an expense for the bridal party.
Post # 4
[Comment moderated for trolling]
Post # 5
I don’t know, they are making a gift towards the wedding with the contribution. I would be satisfied with that if I was the bride.
I know that I am asking my MOH to make the wedding cake (which is just small, keeping it simple) and that we have agreed it will be her wedding gift to us. I am not really expecting gifts from most of our guests because of travel costs, so having the bridal party be able to be there and stand with us will absolutely be enough!
It’s different depending on situations of course. If there were no travel costs, they didn’t have to buy bridesmaids/groomsmen outfits or anything like that, then a further gift would probably be a nice gesture.
Post # 6
2/6 bridal party gave us gifts, we didn’t expect them from anybody and weren’t upset that we didn’t get from 4/6 since they paid for their dresses/suits and in some cases also flights and hotels. We did really appreciate those who DID get us a gift though, I must say, it was a nice added thing like “awww you SO didn’t have to do that, how extra thoughtful”
Post # 7
I’m with you, OP, but I’ve noticed a lot of people don’t feel the same. I’m ultra generous with my friends and they are with me. If I’m in a bridal party, it is because they’re my best friends! So I am happy to go above and beyond. But I’ve learned you just can’t expect that from other people. So if you want to get a gift, go right ahead and do it. I’m sure the bride and groom will appreciate it and remember it!
Post # 8
Thanks, I know it’s not REQUIRED of the bridal party to give a gift (as it’s not required of anyone to give a gift), but it is intriguing to me how the lines are drawn. I know I’m generally a very generous person, but I also know the bride & groom are as well, so it bothers me that people aren’t reciprocating as I know the bride & groom would if they were in the same situation.
I should also note that the bride & groom gave us nice gifts throughout the planning process as well (gifts for the shower, gifts at the rehearsal dinner, and supplemented our day-of attire – paid $ for the guys’ tux rentals, and paid for the girls’ hair/makeup for the wedding day). Maybe it is just that I know that that I feel even more obligated to give them an additional gift!
Post # 9
@mu_t: Thanks, I agree. I said I didn’t care if I paid for it all myself, I was doing it anyway because I love them and know they will appreciate it, whether it’s all from me or from me and a few others in the bridal party!
Post # 10
@Blonde17Jess: I have given very generous gifts as the bridal party. However, my dress, hair and make up were provided by the bride. If I had to pay a couple of hundred already, for these I might not be as generous.
ETA I just noticed you commented on these. Yup, if it were me id give a more generous gift, esp if they were close friends. If I had no money I’d probably DIY something thoughtful 🙂
Post # 11
Not everyone can afford to throw crazy money around just because it’s a wedding. For some people, it’s a stretch to even be in the bridal period, but the friend means a lot to them so they do what they can.
I think expecting a gift on top of bridal party expenses is just unrealistic for most people!
Post # 12
To answer your question, you’re not crazy. Judgmental yes, crazy no. It really is not your business to judge other people’s financial decisions.
Post # 13
I specifically told my bridal party not to give us gifts. Being in the wedding was cost enough for them. I’m a generous person, and my bridal party was comprised of generous people, and there’s plenty of love to go around.
We ended up receiving gifts from half of the bridal party. Appreciated, yes, but I don’t feel like they love me any more than the others.
Post # 14
@Blonde17Jess: I think that whether you are in the WP or not, a gift is always a nice gesture but never a requirement. In the past I have given a shower gift but not a wedding gift as a bridesmaid. My decision to give a gift is largely dependent on my current financial situation. In the case of this wedding, I would probably not have given an additional gift after contributing $80 to the B&G’s wedding expenses.
Post # 15
@phoebephoebo: Yes, the MOH DIY’ed a lovely shadowbox of the paper goods from the wedding, which I know the bride will love. Another BM wanted to do a personal gift from her and her bf (who was not part of the bridal party), so I think that’s perfectly appropriate as well.
@NYCMercedes: You’re both absolutely right, not everyone can afford it, and they paid their way for the wedding necessities, and I’m absolutely being judgmental. I’m just disappointed because I think the bride & groom deserve better because of what they would do in our positions. But yes, not everyone can do it and not everyone is as generous as we are, for sure. That’s kind of why I wanted to start this post – to see where the rest of the world lies, because I was surprised that I was in the minority (or it was about 50/50, but minority if you take out those who did their own gifts) in this situation.
Post # 16
@littlemisst08: I have the same expectations of my own bridal party – I told them I don’t expect any gifts, I don’t expect a shower, nothing. Just them to buy their dress (and even that could be negotiated if they had financial struggle) and to be there on the wedding day. That’s all I really care about. I know the bride & groom didn’t expect gifts from us either, but I think when people don’t expect gifts is when I want even more to give them a gift, because I love them and they’re sweet and they deserve it!