Post # 1
I have read a few posts about families and wanted to ask all of you to remember, if your parents got divorced, are cheap, are negative, jealous, rude, insulting, to remember this is your day and your life. My daughter had to think long and hard about inviting my family of origin. I told her it’s her day and I would respect her wishes and if she decided not to invite my dysfunctional family of origin, that I would tell them because I didn’t want them to intimidate her/guilt her, or otherwise pull their typical crap. These people whether they’re ugly spirited, stupid, have a sense of entitlement, cheap, thoughtless, they very likely will remain that way. My advice to you is to take some time to decide what YOU want – the good news is that it’s your life and despite what you were born into you can make your life the way YOU want. I no longer have holidays with psychos, convicts, etc., and my kids are amazing. I broke the chain of crap and you can too! Their behavior is about THEM. Shame on them for not being there for you emotionally and financially. Don’t feel guilty about having a beautiful happy wedding – it’s about celebrating the love you two share – if it’s your in-laws your hubby to be already probably feels bad that his people are stepping up. It’s not okay to accuse you of “hocking family heirlooms”, having others bully you, financially abandon you or take advantage. It took lots of therapy and 12 steppin for me to learn this things – today my family knows to step off and keep their crap to themselves and away from my children….and I have people standing by to remove one “pig” who talks like a sailor and is mortifying embarrassing. She’s going to be seated by the door and I have others sitting in earshot of her so if she acts up her trashy self will be forcibly removed – and I’ll have a roomful of sheriffs to do it! She married a criminal – my daughter’s marrying a deputy – life’s funny!
congrats girls! hope this helps. married 28 years and there for my two kids on their days financially, emotionally and defensively as needed!
Post # 3
Thank you. I decided long ago that this wedding was not going to be ruined by thoughless entitled people. I love them but I’m still dealing with emotional scars from my youth and I will not compromise my wedding
Post # 6
No really, i think it’s good to think about.
I considered NOT inviting my mother but in the end I couldn’t do it because, well, she’s my MOTHER and Mothers are deified in our culture to the point that not inviting your mom to your wedding is pretty much unthinkable. Unless she beat you daily or turned tricks in your living room when you were a child or something. It takes a lot for a Mom to be considered “bad” because of how we put moms on a pedestal.
But you know what, I think some of us need permission, to know it is okay to leave the toxic people OUT of your wedding day. I honestly wish I had had the courage to say NO to having my mom there. Her negativity and BS didn’t ruin my day but it made things very melodramatic and stressful and I didn’t need it. And in the end she accused me of not wanting her there and of only inviting her due to other people pressuring me so I wonder why I went against my own instincts!
Just sayin’. Sometimes the pressure is heavy to have certain people present who really do NOT deserve an invite, and once they come and do their damage, well, you can’t go back in time and erase things that were said or done.
Post # 7
could you be my mom? or better yet, FI’s mom…please? lol
Post # 8
I think it is very true that families have to remember that this is the couples day! There is a lot of stress surrounding planning a wedding and as a bride myself, all I seek for is keeping everyone happy and smiling and sometimes I feel it should be the other way around. I thank those involved with the planning of our wedding that have been supportive in ALL of our decisions!
Post # 9
@janetmarie: Exactly! I was going crazy with the stress! We planned our wedding for spring break. We are both full time students with 3 kids also in school, and we live in Texas but married in Iowa… so we had all the stress you’d have from planning a big Spring Break trip for five people, PLUS the wedding planning. OMG! Yeah, we could have waited until summer but it was VERY important to us that we be there during colder weather, and hopefully have some snow experiences (and we did! yay!)
So right before the wedding we were having midterms and all… I was literally getting sick from the stress. And I don’t have a lot of family/friends helping, so when my mom said she wanted to come up to Iowa early to “help” I bought it. And she didn’t help at all, just added to the stress of one more person to “keep happy”! Pffft,. I couldn’t get her to do ONE thing to help out in that crazy week leading up to the wedding.
Post # 10
@debsdesk: Thanks for your post. It’s really nice to see such a supportive mother out there. There are a lot of people who seem to catch a thrill out of being mean to others, especially when it’s supposed to be such a happy and special day. Hope your daughter had an amazing day!
@MsInterpret: You’re right. It does seem like we need permission of some kind to keep out all those horrible, toxic people (that don’t seem to have any consideration for our feelings) but even with the permission, we still feel bad. I find that the most sensitive people in my family are the ones that are the rudest and the most out-spoken. I am sorry that your mother put you through all that stress and I am glad that you had a great day despite her best efforts to the contrary.
Post # 11
Yes, it’s so difficult to stand up when we’re young for ourselves. I wasn’t aware back then and didn’t have the guts…and it took until I had my kids and I stood up for them and changed their lives. My daughter’s wedding was absolutely beautiful and everyone had a great time (except some of my family of origin members). My daughter looked beautiful and there was such a feeling of love in the air – everyone so happy. We had some problems..the rental items weren’t there and we faced setting up 30 min before the wedding. When I walked over to my sister to visit wth her, she insulted me feeling I should have been over to say hello sooner, and I got up and walked away. I’m done. I can’t believe she had the nerve to talk garbage at my daughter’s wedding but that’s her. That was the last straw. I’m done with her and her drrama/garbage. These people are just poison and must be avoided.
I think Moms and all others need to have earned the right to share this day with you…..be worthy of it….the word Mom has alot of responsibility with it and they need to earn their wings.
I wish you all a lifetime of happiness!
Post # 12
Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to read it today.