Post # 1
Tonight is girls night. We haven’t had one since the BFP at the beginning of May. It’s way too early to tell anyone (I’m 6w4d), but the second I don’t order a drink, they’re going to be all over me. I’ve debated the various deflections – antibiotics, trying to cut calories, hungover from the weekend – and I just don’t think they’ll work because, well, my girls knew we’d try after Mardi Gras (lesson learned – do not share future TTC plans to get people to quit asking).
So, I’m trying to decide whether to go. I don’t want to lie to them, but I’m not comfortable letting this knowledge out to the world when my mom doesn’t even know yet. I’m waiting till I go home to visit in July so I can tell her in person – and I’ll be at least 12 weeks by that point.
Has anyone been completely called out before you’re ready? What did you do? I know they’d be asking out of love and excitement, but I’m just not ready. I’ve had some spotting and have to go back to the doc Wed to make sure everything is OK.
Post # 3
I had a girls night at 6 weeks too. I said I didn’t feel well and had a headache but I didn’t want to miss seeing everyone. After my best friend called me out. I wasn’t ready to tell yet, but I knew even if I lost the baby I would have told her as she has been part of my support system since we were kids. When I finally did tell my other girlfriend most of the replies with “I knew it”.
Post # 4
i wonder if you can pull off ordering an alcoholic drink, then sneak off to the bathroom before the drinks come and tell your waiter you changed your mind? other than that, i would just say stick to the limiting calories or antibiotics excuse. The antibiotics is a really good one that they can’t really insist you have a drink anyway. It would suck for you to have to skip out on the whole evening altogether because of this.
Post # 5
Maybe make plans to go, but then the day of, tell them you’re not feeling like your usual self [not a lie- you feel like your pregnant self] and don’t feel up to having a drink. Maybe just something along those lines?
As far as someone calling me out, no, I never had that happen. I started telling everyone as soon as I got the BFP. I had to tell my parents because I was still living with them, so they needed to know why I was throwing up and no smoking. I old friends right away because I wanted a support system in case I lost the baby.
Post # 6
I’d say skip it. Having to cover it up is often more work than its worth. And In My Humble Opinion, having people call you out on it is just plain annoying. If you have another night out next month you’ll be 10 weeks and maybe more comfortable sharing the news then.
Post # 7
Personally I just wouldn’t go, why lie to people who are supposed to be your friends?
Post # 8
@bluewolverine: My girlfriends all know we plan on actively ttc this summer (next month specifically! woot!). I actually went out for drinks a couple months ago and didn’t order any bc it was the two weeks between O and Period. When they asked what gives I explained that ever since our wedding we stopped using condoms and have been totally successful avoiding pregnancy but *just incase* I mis-calculated safe days I stopped drinking during those 2 weeks to play it safe.
Could you try that approach? If they know you’re TTC you can play the just incase card without admitting to the pregnancy.
Post # 9
@AutumnMrs: I like this.. this could work!
Post # 10
Here’s a couple of things i tried
-order a drink that looks alcholic i.e. selzer and cranberry. Have a secret word with the bartender at some point.
– OR if they know you are TTC they’ll prob want an update right? what i did on one occasion is kind of lament about it, “no still no pregnant but we are in the TWW”, and then say that you spoke to your doctor and they advised to not drink for one cycle to let the egg “implant” – which i have read somewhere as being true. Just say you are giving this cycle your best shot and not going to drink to see how it goes. Hopefully they will understand.
– another option (yes i am in the situation frequently!) is actually do order a drink and pretend to sip it. I ordered white wine once and when no-one was looking went to the restroom and threw it out and filled it back up with water. In a dark bar no-one could tell the difference!
Post # 11
@AutumnMrs: I had a friend do this. She told us that she wasn’t drinking all weekend on our girls trip to the beach for a long weekend. I know myself and another girls suspected but we didn’t say anything to her about it. She hung out all weekend at the beach, we had a Dirty Delete. Then about 3 weeks later she called to say she was pregnant.
Post # 12
@brklynmmbb: Ooo, I like option two. In the TWW, not taking chances. I think I’ll go with that. Thanks!
Post # 13
I had a girls night the same day I took the stick test. I told them I wasn’t drinking as much because I had elevated liver levels, which was true and something I had talked to them about before. So I really didn’t want to drink because of both reasons.
I ordered a glass of wine because that is something that you “sip” on. And I did just that. I sipped on that same glass of wine all night! I would put it to my lips and somewhat drink it but let it fall back into the glass. They never even noticed or picked-up on it. Not a single one. The other thing I did (at another bar) was ordered the same type wine as my sister-in-law. And I traded glasses with her at one point. We both sat them down on the table to take photos and I picked up her half-empty glass and walked off. I thought for sure she’d catch on. But as the night went on they got tipsy and didn’t notice! LOL
Post # 14
I went and had a great time, and no one called me out, but I’m pretty sure that the second I walked away (didn’t go to the third bar), they were chatting about lack of drinks. I love them for having the class not to ask me and make me lie. I think if I hadn’t had the spotting and were not still afraid that it won’t stick, I would have told them. Can’t wait to go the doc on Wednesday and get another confirmation that all is well. I felt like I was keeping something from them the entire time and that really sucked, but I’m just fearful, I guess.
Love my buds!
Post # 15
@bluewolverine: Glad you had fun and got away with it! I pm’d you a question!
Post # 16
Hmmm…if I was you, I probably just wouldn’t go. I think you should definitely tell your mom before any of your girlfriends (however, I’m sure your mom would understand, too, if it got to someone else’s ears before hers). You’ll have other opportunities to see your friends (movie or shopping). Good luck!