Weddingbee boards

I am planning a wedding somewhere in upstate NY or the Berkshires for the spring of 2012. Wondering if anyone can tell me how they kept costs down? I am planning to offer beer and wine, no open bar..... I am also planning to find a place that I can bring in my own caterer and my own flowers and cake.... I can possibly get a discount on a dj.... I am thinking of going light on the invitations and not sending save the date cards. I am also thinking small donations to charities instead of favors. I plan to buy a used gown and re-sell it (lots of options here!!).... Hair and makeup and photographers (all very important to me and we may hire 2 photographers actually) cost a fortune and I plan to not scrimp on those 3. Things just add up SO much. We are inviting roughly 175 people and we expect between 120 and 170 to show.  My cousin paid 40K for her wedding and I can't do the same. Hoping for 25-29! Any tips would be amazing. Links would also be amazing for invites, caterers and more tips! Thank you SO much!

@kala_way: My cousin invited 125 people and it cost her 42,000 in Westchester County.... it was lovely, but not lavish. The cheapest venues I have seen are 120 per head + everything else.... dress, flowers, photographers, honeymoon, rehearsal dinner, hotel..... the costs add up like crazy. I haven't known any of my friends to stay under 30 or even 35. We have biiiiiig families and my father has so many people from his office to invite, it is nuts. To give you a better idea- I have 20 first cousins who will all be bringing a guest. He has 12 first cousins all bringing a guest- that is 54 people and it isn't even a fraction of the guestlist. I would love suggestions, but please don't laugh at me. This is super hard in this area of the country with so many people we love and others we are obligated to invite. 

@kala_way: It cost my cousin 42K for a very nice (but not super lavish) wedding for 120 people in Westchester County.... ALL of my friends have had weddings over 40K (well, 90 percent) and the costs add up.... photographer alone is at least 2500, dress over 1,000, it is at least 100 per head to eat and drink.... we have a lot more than 120 as we both have huge families. This is not easy. I looked things over today and it looks like I am at 35 already and I still have more to add. I am asking to cut corners, if yours was under 30K for 200 people I'd love to know what area of the country you are in and how you did it!

I live in NYC and the average wedding costs 70K here for 100 people. I am having it elsewhere to save $$$. So, please reply if you have helpful info instead of laughing at me. I'd love to see your costs if you live in my area and if you had 200 guests.

I've read some other threads about this here, and really "budget" is relative. My budget wedding is coming in at around 10k, and that is over budget for me. LOL! But then if you are used to a 40K wedding, as she mentioned, 25K is low budget.

I live in Chicago, which is comparitive to what you're up against. I'm having the wedding in the burbs though to keep the price under control. I'm keeping costs down by using a less expensive venue. It's part of the parks dept in my home town, and just an empty room basically. We have to bring everything in, but that gives me more control over what we're spending. I did LOTS of research and price comparisons on vendors and caterers. It even turned out that renting china was less expensive than using fancy plastic to my surprise. I DIY'd my std's, and I'm going to DIY all my other paper stuff; invites, programs, place cards etc.  I'll also do my own flowers. I am using a DJ that's a friend of my FSIL, so that's cutting the cost in less than half. Same with the photographer, he's a family friend of my FI. My cake is coming from a friend of my brother who's a baker. If you have connections like that use them, and if not shop around. A lot.  It was kind of annoying and frustrating sometimes, but well worth it. I'm still coming out spending more than I had hoped, but really, I realized that for 250 ppl in my area I did OK. I could have done it for less, but I would have had to cut my guest list and I wasn't prepared to do that. I have a huge family and I want them all there. So for me a small wedding was not an option. I do get jealous when I see pictures of lovely, intimate backyard weddings though. I'm not gonna lie.

@Baileyh: I totally agree. You can have a lovely and elegant wedding on a budget, but you need to be flexable and open to compromise.

@The Average Bride: utterly amazing! Keep in touch!

@Ms. Peach: I am so in awe of keeping costs down. With a big Irish family the alcohol costs and endless photo shoot for 60 family members is going to kill us. We are having a vegetarian wedding (cuts the price and guilt, I've been veggie since age 8). Pastas, veggies, roasted cheddar potatoes, salads, fresh fruit, mini pizzas and dessert. We are ordering a beautiful, but small cake and having cakeshooters and pie to keep costs down. I feel like we must have a sit down dinner, but maybe I am wrong. I can't see it being under 20K, I mean- the food and alcohol alone cost 10K and then you have photos, flowers, a dress, a limo, honeymoon, shoes, hair makeup, tux.....  etc. etc. I am not even talking about fancy. A friend of mine on LI is having a 100K affair (her parents are loaded) her event is formal and fancy for 100 people. I guess the weddings I have been to for 45K were really nice, but they are not opulent and I can see spending less than what they spent, but I am not sure I can do it for 1/2. I am getting cheaper invites.... when people budget there are so many hidden costs that they don't even factor in until after.... and I've never been to a wedding without music. I don't think it is being spoiled to have a dj. I have friends in NYC for example that tell me theirs monthly bills are only 2,200, but they buy a $5.00 coffee and a $15 lunch daily and at the end of the year wonder why they have no money. Sometimes when brides say they are only spending 10K, I think they are accidentally leaving something (or A LOT) out by accident. 

Sometimes brides don't factor in all of their costs and they think they are spending 20 when it is really 26 etc. For example: I have friends in NYC for example that tell me theirs monthly bills are only 2,200, but they buy a $5.00 coffee and a $15 lunch daily and at the end of the year wonder why they have no money. Sometimes when brides say they are only spending 10K, I think they are accidentally leaving something (or A LOT) out by accident. People forget to add the endless miles put on their cars touring 15 different places to have the wedding. They forget the cost of a trainer or diet program before the wedding. They forget that dance lessons cost $500 before the wedding (I have 2 left feet!) When I say less than 29, I am factoring in every cent- from the food I have to buy the bridesmaids at luncheons to the days I take off work shopping for a venue and a cake. If you think your budget is 10K, you may be wrong.

@abigailavawedding:  You are right. I am doing all my paper myself, but I didn't factor in ink costs into my cost, which can be a lot. My wedding is still months away, so I am sure other things will fall through the cracks too. For the big stuff though you know where your cash is going.  All told I am coming in at about $7500 right now, including Hall, catering, paper, bar, dj & band (the band is a group that FI does sound for so they're not charging us, but we'll tip them), photographer,  minister, rentals and cake. I am not including my dress because that was a gift from my mom, it was under $500 though. This is everything before decorations and flowers. Both of which I am doing myself and will do as cheaply as possible while still getting the look I want.

I will say I saved a lot by doing my own bar and having a buffet dinner. If you are willing to take on doing your own bar you can cut the cost in more than half. You can still have liquor, but you can limit it to just a few things rather than making sure you have everything you need for every mixed drink. I wanted to just have beer and wine with a signature cocktail, like a mojito or something, but my parents wanted to have some liquor there. I'm going to have just a few staples whiskey, rum, gin etc. My bar bill is goiing to be $5 or less a head compared to $12-$15, which was the lowest I was quoted. I can get top shelf liquor that way too and still keep my price low. Plus, Binny's, or whatever big liquor chain you have by you, will let you return unopened bottles.

With doing a buffett you are cutting the cost on service. I am going to have 7 service people, plus a coordinator my caterer provides, rather than an army it would take to serve a sit down meal for 225-250 people.I was concerned about having a buffet with that many people, but my caterer assured me we can keep the line moving.

It sounds like you are doing your homework. As others have mentioned you need to figure out what's important to you and come to terms with where the bulk of your money will be spent. For me it was feeding 250 people. I did not want to cut my list, and I wanted to have awesome food. So, the bulk of my money is going into that. I am cutting corners everywhere else and I am prepared to work my butt off so that it doesn't look that way. :)

We were able to find a venue who's food was a bit cheaper and included soda and beer.  The rest of the bar was cash (I know that can be a sticking point for some people, but it is standard in our area) I suspect they price the food lower and then make up the difference with people who buy drinks.  But that may very well be a regional thing.

I bought my dress off online pre-owned (it was a sample) and had a private seamstress do my alterations (she added sleeves, shortened, fixed a few things and I rented a hoop from her and it was still $100 less than the bridal shops quote for shortening.)

We didn't do favors at all.  No one noticed.  Serviously. 

Our centerpieces were cylinder vases from the dollar store with cranberries (they were in season) and water beads with a floating candle on top.  We used real rose petals and rhinestones around the base to add sparkle.  Maybe not terribly original, but they were beautiful.

We only had 3 bridemaids and 3 groomsmen which cuts that costs for gift, rehersal dinner, etc.  (didn't really do this for money reasons, it was just who we wanted)

We didn't have a decorative cake.  At all.  It is really only for pictures, a lot of weddings I have been to I never even saw the cake.  So we had nothing on display at all and served regular sheet cake after the meal.  We got a lot of comments on how wonderful the cake tasted (from a small private grocery here.) the decorator scored the cake so we had her give everyone good-sized pieces and she put a small rosebud on the center of each piece.

Our photographer was new and we gave her the right to post our pics for advertising so we got a deal (but she came highly rec'd from a friend so that made it less scary.)

I did get my hair done, cause I cannot do it fancy myself and I didn't want the pressure to try :-).

I bought my shoes online from a costume shop for $35 and I LOVED them.  I bought cheap rhinestone flip flops at Penneys to change into when my feet got sore.

I ended up buying all my jewelry at Kohls on sale.

Our florist was from a ways outside our area, but even with a delivery charge she still was cheaper than others and did a great job (once again we got a recommendation from a friend- ask around)

We got our invites though www.jps.cceasy.com and got a discount through a guy at our venue (altho he was a pain in the butt!)

Obviously you need to tailor what you spend on to what is important to you, but there are lots of places to cut costs.  (We are in a cheaper area, but our budget was about $10,000)

@iheartnerds: It sounds amazing! Unfortunately, since my parents have been invited to a million weddings from friends and colleagues and we have huge families- we have to keep the number quite high. I will check out Vistaprint! Do they customize them for you? I don't have time to customize 200 invitations! 

@edgypeanuts: Cute about the flip flops! We can't do cash bar, my parents are super proper. I wish we could since some people won't drink at all and one of my uncles will down 25 beers if they are free.... how many guests did you have for 25?

@kirafiki: Hey! Where in Syracuse? Onondaga County is GORGEOUS! If you can send me the details, maybe I can copycat you on a few things!

@iheartnerds: How did your invites come out so low? I was just on Vista and for 200 invites it is $160 + $140 for Response Cards + the cost of postage = over $400.00. Is there one you used that is cheaper or do you have fewer guests? I am trying to keep the invite costs under $250.00 

 Our invites through www.jps.cceasy.com were about $375 for ~150 with invites, RSVPs, reception cards and envelopes.  We did not do STDs as we were off-season anyway, we just let the out of town people know the date ahead of time.

We invited about 220 people and had just under 200 attend.  We both have very large families and it would have been hard to cut the guest list, so we squeezed other areas.  (plus we actually wanted most of these people there)  It was about 30-40 per person and the venue was included in that.

I think straight cash bar would have been hard, but as long as the beer was included it wasn't so bad.  The heavy beer drinkers stuck to the free tap beer and the beer-snobs (we have a few) bought the fancier stuff.  We bought a bottle of wine or 2 for my mom and her sisters cause we knew they'd prefer it.  But. like I said that is a very regional thing- where I grew up that would have been unheard of, but here it is normal.

I did not do any DIYing as I suck at it and I have accepted that.  

I also did no veil (cause I didn't like the look) and we just took my husband's truck for transportation (which I liked cause we were ALONE for a few minutes and we could sneak home to let the dogs pee without everyone commenting about how we are overly attached to our dogs.

Did you add what did things cost?  

We paid $750 for our photographer (a deal and a half) no book was included, but we have all the pics and the rights.

I paid $250 for my dress and 180 for the alterations.

Flowers (4 bouquets, 6 boutineers, 4 corsages, my bouquet, 3 flower girl baskets, a centerpeice for the head table and 2 large vases of flowers for the ceremony) plus a $20 delivery fee was about $675.  Personally I would have cut out the vases and centerpiece, but FI wanted them and I was fine with that.