Give it another try?

posted 6 days ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If you are infertile were you planning to adopt? You said you talked about how your kids would be raised etc when you said about not being able to have kids. 

Three months isn’t that long to be single. You don’t need anyone, it’s better to be single for the right reason than be with someone for the wrong ones isn’t it? 

Post # 4
Member
40 posts
Newbee

lauralaura123 :  You’re not allowed to talk about moving in together after 3.5 years? That’s ridiculous, don’t go back, you’ll only regret it. 

Post # 6
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

Has he said that he wants to get back together, or merely clarified the reasons on his end for the breakup? Since the breakup was because of HIS commitment issues, I would definitely not be the one to bring up getting back together. If he proposes it and you think he’s really changed, then I’d *maybe* consider it. Based on what you’ve said, however, your discussions so far have been discussions that gave closure on the reasons surrounding the breakup, not reasons for getting back together. 

This breakup is still really recent. You’ve only been on 8 dates since then, and after only a few months you’re probably really not ready to be dating seriously yet. Further, it sounds like you’re still hung up on your ex and still entertaining the idea of possibly getting back together – which means you’re not over him, and you’re comparing everyone you go on dates with to him. The fact that you’re still talking to him demonstrates this. You really can’t move on until you cut ties with him and start picturing your future without him. 

I’m not saying getting back together is the wrong choice, if that’s what you both really want. But I also think that this separation is still new, and it’s easier to imagine getting back with someone familiar than finding someone new, and I would caution against using that as a security blanket. This person’s excuses for the breakup were BS, as you say. You broke up for a reason. There could very well be someone better suited to you out there, but you certainly won’t find him if you’re hung up on the ex, and I wouldn’t hold my breath hoping he’ll beg you back. 

Post # 8
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I remember your posts about him and your struggle to start dating again. I said it when you had just started dating again and I’ll say it now too: I think you’re really rushing things. This is not something you can force to happen overnight. You haven’t given your break up any time. Breaking up with him was the right call and it still is. I don’t see what getting back together with him will solve at all. You just won’t technically be alone anymore but I guarantee these problems will still be there. 

How much more time do you want to waste on the same guy? You need time to find yourself. 8 dates is nothing! 3 months is nothing! And of course those dates didn’t work out because you were still hung up on your ex (which is totally understandable because hardly any time has passed). 

Post # 9
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee

It doesn’t sound like any of the reasons for your breakup have changed in the three months since you split. You are still infertile, he still doesn’t want to move in and you do (notwithstanding your promise to stop nagging him about it), etc. Also what does “no dealbreakers, unless otherwise stated” mean?

Do not go back to a dysfunctional relationship because you weren’t able to meet your soul mate in the 3 months you were alone. As pp said, it is better to be single than be in a bad relationship.

Post # 11
Member
4145 posts
Honey bee

lauralaura123 :  You not being able to have kids was clearly a dealbreaker, just because he may agree to saying it isn’t a dealbreaker – it clearly is.

 

Move on before you end up repeating the past.

Post # 13
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

lauralaura123 :  should you go back to someone who will not discuss your own future with you? Should you go back to someone who panics when you want clarification on one of his deal breakers? Should you go back to someone who is only happy to talk about the future in vague terms and not specifics after 3.5 years? Should you go back to someone who will find other faults that he didn’t bring up at the time, to avoid admitting the breakdown of the relationship was due to his own inability to talk about the future with his partner?

Only you can answer if you’re happy with that as a future. What do you want for your future? Is he compatible with that, with the input you want, the type of partnership you want? If not, then you’re just dragging this out and it’ll make it harder when you both realise you’re still not compatible. 

Post # 14
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee

lauralaura123 :  Ok, but what does “heading in that direction” even mean? In your first post you said he’s not willing to commit to “anyone” until he gets his career going. That sounds like an excuse to me. I never understand the mentality of these men who feel like they have to have all their ducks in a row before they get engaged…a perfect career, a house, etc. – as though one’s entire life isn’t a never-ending process of growth and change, as though part of marriage isn’t encountering life’s changes and obstacles together as a team.

 

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