Give it another try?

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
4845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

lauralaura123 :  I feel like you’re grasping at straws here. I get that it sucks to be alone and you still probably love this guy. Break ups are tough and it takes a while to get over them. But he is not the guy for you. He lied about your infertility being a dealbreaker for years already. What makes you say “he would not deceive me on that point just to keep me around temporarily. He is not that type of person” when he clearly IS that person. That’s exactly what he was doing before. Consciously or not, that’s what he was doing. Why do you want to waste more time on him?  

Post # 17
Member
976 posts
Busy bee

lauralaura123 :  I am not really in a rush to move in/get married

Stop trying to convince yourself of this because it’s not what he wants, you have been posting about how much you want to be engaged for almost a year.

Post # 18
Member
5259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

No. Don’t waste your time with someone who obviously doesn’t consider you to be important.

Post # 20
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

Why would you want to get back with someone who gave you MORE reasons than necessary as to why you were breaking up? I totally get that you not being able to naturally conceive would have thrown him, but he ALSO said that you had grown apart and you were different people. Why would he say that if it weren’t true? None of these things will have changed if you get back together, and you not believing him doesn’t change that. 

Post # 21
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee

lauralaura123 :  

I don’t know bee. The relationship seems like if you were to be going back into it you’d be beating a dead horse. You know there is deal breakers, and it seems you are wiling to go back to him in fear of being alone.

Post # 23
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I moved in with my boyfriend of 2 months, and discussed not wanting biological kids (I am deathly afraid of pregnancy/birth) but wanting to potentially adopt/surrogate if we decide we want kids very early on. My FI is totally on board with that. 

I don’t think this is the right guy for you. You need love and support and willingness to talk about other options for having kids or acceptance that you may never have children together if that’s the way it works out.

Having bio kids is a dealbreaker for some people (I can’t claim to understand why, since it’s not for me) but it’s something you MUST be on the same page about early on or you’ll set yourself up for heartbreak.

Post # 24
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Eh, no I would not get back together with him 

Post # 25
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I guess I’m a little surprised that you would even say I wont talk about moving in more than X times per year.  My husband and I may have a different relationship, but if im talking about something alot, he knows its important, and if its driving him crazy we can sit down and talk about it. For example my birthday is coming up, Ive probably asked what we were going to do 50 times in the past month, yestrday DH nicely asks me if I will stop asking because its a surprise and im driving him crazy.  But he would never tell me you can only ask me about this 4 times per year or something crazy like that.  i’m assuming by you bringing up moving in several times a months, that means it is something that you really want, and if you want that, I dont think he is the right guy for you.

Post # 26
Member
2862 posts
Sugar bee

Then he listed some BS reasons (we were drifting apart, had become different people which was not true).

He is not interested in you. These are not BS reasons. These are valid reasons. Don’t waste your time. 

 

Post # 27
Member
7674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Remember that you ended it for a reason. Don’t settle. Don’t feel obligated to have a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. Do your own thing. The relationship stuff with the right person will fall into place when it’s really right. 

Post # 28
Member
967 posts
Busy bee

No. Stop compromising. He’s never going to marry you.

Post # 29
Member
4486 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

lauralaura123 :  You want him back because he is familiar, nothing more.  It won’t change because he hasn’t changed.  You’re getting discouraged because you’ve been on dates that go nowhere and now he is looking like a good option…even though from the past few months he is CLEARLY not the guy for you.  Take a step back, a massive step, and stop dating entirely.  I would say take 2 months off from dating completely so you can be your own person.  Take the time, you will thank yourself later.

I say this as someone who was not over her ex and jumped back in the dating pool right away…and I wish I had taken that time.  I needed it, and would have been in a better place if I had just stayed single.  Instead I dragged another guy through a brief relationship I wasn’t ready for and it literally put me back at square one.

Post # 30
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

This relationship seems very immature. You can’t talk about certain things? And you have to have rules where you don’t talk about XYZ? Doesn’t seem healthy at all!!! Please move on!

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