Giving Advice to Young Brides?

posted 3 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MissKebab:  Is she your sister or something? I could see a conversation like this being misconstrued as preachy no matter what you say or how well-intentioned that you are. I wouldn’t give this kind of advice unless she has explicitly asked for your opinion on the matter. I’m 23 and engaged and I find it quite irritating when people feel the need give me unsolicited advice. While I know that they mean well, I find it very condescending. Although 19/20 is very young, bringing it up to her in that context could lead to her alienating you– then you can’t help at all. 

Post # 4
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@DuckEBee:  +1

“I wouldn’t give this kind of advice unless she has explicitly asked for your opinion on the matter.”

Don’t say anything. It’s not your place, and you’ll probably just piss her off. All youngin’s think they know everything, and she is probably desperate to prove that she’s old enough to make this decision (to herself and to everyone else.)

Let her make her mistakes. Anything you say to her will come off as being judgemental, no matter how nicely/concerned you say it. 

She’ll figure out eventually if this works for her or not. 

Post # 5
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Don’t say anything. If you do, definitely do not start quoting divorce statistics like so many older bees do when talking to young brides. That is a big no, just support her and be there for her. Encourage her, let her know she can do it, that it will be hard but it is possible.

Post # 6
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

As a (fairly) young bride, I can tell you this, don’t ask any leading questions. It will just upset her, and it’s very obvious what you’re trying to do. Nobody in my family has tried to give me any advice on this front, but if they did they would have to be extremely careful about how they went about it.

Post # 7
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Considering you aren’t married and are young as well I don’t see the conversation going well… What is your relationship with her? 

You said it yourself… She doesn’t take advice well…. So let her learn for herself… Maybe her parents have already talked to her about this? Maybe they will continue to help support her and her future husband? Maybe his family is wealthy? Maybe he is financially stable? just because she lives at home doesn’t mean she isn’t financially stable.. My fiancé lived at home until we bought our house together Four years ago… He was very financially stable and we do really well for ourselves! (He is 30, I am 27) …..

Post # 8
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MissKebab:  Your best bet might be to ask her leading questions that might make her think. 

Frankly, I doubt she’s mature enough to listen. I can’t imagine their families are thrilled with their foolishness and if they can’t get through to them, I doubt you will be able too. However, I still think you should try – if you can get through to her, you may be able to help her avoid a very rough road.

Post # 9
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Zhabeego:  who says she is immature because she is getting married at 21 and still lives at home? Maybe she is saving her money? And who says her family thinks getting married young is foolish!? Getting married young does not immediately equal a rough road! I know lots of very successful very smart people who got married young… All of them lived at home before getting married! I think your comments are foolish And immature! 

Post # 11
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Makemeamrs:  LOL. Let me guess, you’re a young bride? 

I say she’s immature because she is. She doesn’t have even the slightest idea what she’s getting herself into or the opportunities she’s going to let go to waste by rushing into marrying.  

Saving money doesn’t make one mature and it certainly doesn’t mean they are ready to get married. Unless her family are a bunch of morons or very religious or something, I doubt they think this is a good idea because it’s not. 

 

Post # 12
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@MissKebab:  Rather than giving advise (if she hasn’t specifically asked) I’d suggest saying something along the lines of ‘you’re about to make a really big, important step in your life so if you ever want to talk or need advise i’m always here’ – and maybe add that the most important thing is that she is truly, honestly happy.

Just because she’s young doesn’t mean her marriage is doomed to fail so unless there are huge red flags, give her the benefit of the doubt. It’s her life – but your a good friend (relative?) for caring enough to want to protect her 🙂

Post # 13
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Zhabeego:  actually I’m not a young bride thank you… Do you know her? age has nothing to do with being ready for marriage or not! I know people who are in their 30s and 40s who still live at home because they can’t figure out how to get their stuff together and most definitely are too immature to think about starting a life with someone else… 

 

 

 

Living at home does not equal being immature! And im guessing you will reply with “let me guess you live at home.”… Nope.. I don’t… I own my own house and do extremely well for myself.., 

 

And how does getting married eliminate life opportunities? She can still work.. Go to school… Travel…. This is the 21st century… Not the Stone Age where women were expect to get married, have babies and cater to their husbands… Unless of course you are one of those women? 

 

Post # 15
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MissKebab:  why do they dislike him? Is she open to moving in with him before getting married? Does he live at home as well? I’m sure your sister isnt an idiot and does have some idea what she is getting into.. I would trust her judgement and let her figure it out with him…. You had to learn for Yourself what bills cost and whatnot when you moved out with your roommates right? It’s the same thing with her and her fiancé 

Post # 16
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Makemeamrs:  Oh, I’m sorry. You come across as a very young bride. Age most certainly does have a lot to do with being ready for marriage. I don’t have to know her personally to know that who she is at 19/20 will be very different from who she will be a decade from now, let alone two or three.  The same is true of her boyfriend. Neither of them have the slightest idea how they will function as independent adults let alone how the other will. That’s a recipe for disaster. 

I also know that going straight from your parents home into a marriage and never being an independent adult will stunt her personal growth. I know if she follows through with getting married she will squander opportunities that won’t come round again.  That marrying so young is far more likely to lead to a mid-life crises down the road for at least one partner.

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