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Is it as awful as it seems on TV? It makes my skin crawl to see women in labor on TV screaming bloody murder. Are they overreacting? Give it to me straight.
And please spare the "it's so worth it" talk. I'm sure it is but I want real talk about labor and delivery. I'm very matter-of-fact and want to know the real truth.
You should check out Mrs. Dumpling's new blog - www.everybodybirths.com. It's got a ton of (very honest) labor stories! :)
Actually, I didn't think it was as bad as I was led to believe. And I gave birth back when natural births (e.g. no pain meds) was all the rage. Transition (going from 8 10 10 cm) was hard, but lasted only 2 hrs. What really surprised me was how crappy I felt afterwards "down there". Luckily that issue resolved fairly quickly. Stay active during the pregnancy, walk a lot, it helps to prepare the body. Giving birth is hard work!
I'm not due until 8/30, but the lamaze instructor says that screaming is a sign you've lost control (as in, you might need to take the epidural if you haven't...concentrate on your breathing, etc.). I don't think screaming is common but makes good TV!
All I can say is, if they offer you an epideral, take it. I had my first child natural with no drugs and it was really painful. I didn't remember the pain after, but during, oh my. My second child was also natural, but he came so fast, there wasn't time for anything. For my third child, I had an epideral and I was able to sleep through most of the contractions and all I had to do was push when the time came. I was awake and alert when I needed to be. If I would have had an epideral with my first one, I probably would have had more kids.
Make sure you let the nurses/doctor know to tell before it is too late to have medication. They will not let you have anything after a certain point.
Thanks for your honesty. I am not pregnant yet but I am the type of person that likes to know what they are getting into.
@noritake22: That's funny that you say if you'd had an epidural with your first child, you might have had more kids. I had one with an epidural, one with nothing, ane one c-section. After the last one, I said, I wish I could have had all of them by c-section. Sooooo much easier. I really didn't mind the post-op healing...it wasn't that bad.
As for the two non-c-section deliveries, I highly recommend the epidural. I was sure I didn't want one, but when the anesthesiologist said "it's now or never," I kind of panicked and got one. I was so glad I did. After that point, I watched the contractions on the screen and was amused by thinking "Wow, I bet that one really hurt."
I really didn't think the contractions were all that bad....only at the very end does it seem that you have no time between them. I found walking and sitting in a rocking chair helped. They were painful at times, but bearable.
Pushing? That is where I kind of lost it. If you manage to push the baby out in a few pushes, it's all good. I spent two hours pushing with both of mine and towards the end was asking the doctor to just cut the baby out. That to me was by far the hardest, most painful part. I did cry with my second child (no epidural), but I never screamed. I think that's a made for tv kind of thing.
I gave birth last month without pain meds. It really isn't all that bad, but I also had a homebirth so it was pretty easy to relax. I think if I had been at the hospital I would have been a lot more stressed out. As long as you keep moving the contractions are manageable. Pushing hurt, but it also didn't last very long. Honestly, I did scream at the very end- the last two pushes when he was actually coming out, but that was it. Women's bodies are designed to give birth, you'll be fine!
See this post for my story. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-lemon-became-cecilia
My epidural made my delivery literally pain free, though there was some uncomfortable labor leading up to it (3 or 4 contractions that I felt like I couldn't handle).
For balance, I think I need to relate my experience. I have 2 children and had what's known as "silent labor" with both of them. I was in the hospital for both births, but only because my waters broke and the babies were still 6 and 4 weeks premature.
I literally felt NOTHING as I was contracting until the last 3-4 contractions. When the doctor asked me if I felt like pushing, I said no. He told me to go ahead- I pushed once and my babies were born.
I decided to share this not because I want you to hope for the same experience, but because you need to know that there is every variation of labor out there-from zero discomfort to much harder labor. If you need a reality check though, think of this- It can't be that bad or women wouldn't do it more than once!
@jjilyeah:Ok so I don't know because I am 7 weeks away, but I am personally more concerned about after labor & delivery than the actual main event! The recovery process does not sound fun and of course there is that whole loss of sleep and freedom thing that I am a bit apprehensive about :)
I def hurt WAY worse after the birth (I tore a little OUCH).
DUDE. its much MUCH worse than what you see on TV.
It burned when she was coming out and it felt like my insides were being torn apart by someone's bare hands.
The good part about childbirth though is that after the baby is out, you immediately STOP feeling pain.
read that birth blog and then read that other blog, (link edited) =)
@dumpling: I'm a huge fan! I love your blogs especially your new one, and am an occasional anonymous commenter (I promise I'm not mean), I love how you're really matter of fact.
Well I had a c-section.
I get really skeeved out by needles and hospitals and such so I was extremely nervous, when I was in the surgical room in my robe I was about to bail on the whole thing and run away, but thankfully I didn't and now I can tell people that It's not bad at all! the worst was the epideral.
It was a little uncomfortable and awkward but the pain wasn't bad and I didn't even take my pain meds when I got home.
Try not to stress on it! and you'll have a lil baby to keep you busy so you wont think about the pain as much.
I think the second birth is worse just because you know what's going to happen.
i definately think when i do decide to have kids that i want a water birth in a hospital with a doula present... i want the relaxed experience with no drugs or people rushing me and the comfort of knowing that the doc is there just in case. plus i think its much more natural and less chaotic for mom and baby. :)
It is funny how some say take the epidural and some say don't. I have had a baby both ways. I can say the all natural no drugs was super fast...but that was my second baby. I had to finish cleaning before i left the house. barely made it to the hospital room before my son came into the world. My daughter was a completely different story..2 days of labor in the hospital. 4 day stay afterwards.
I didnt have an epidural, so I can't comment on that during labour. But I shared a room with a girl the same age as me who had an epidural. My reocvery was alot quickler then hers. I walked myself from the delivery suite to the materinty ward. She was in a wheel chair. I was up and walking around the hospital while pushing my baby in her hospital crib. I found it great to keep moving, and also helped me avoid getting to many clots. The girl i shared a room with took alot longer to get out of bed and move freely, mainly due to the fact she had a huge pee bag she had to carry around with her for the first 48 hours. Watching the issues she had which were due to recovering from the epidural, I was glad I didn't go that route. But I did have Pethadine to help me through the contractions.
I found I didnt scream the room in, but during the pushing I was vocal. My midwife actually encouraged me to try and stop because alls I was doing was putting all my energy and focus into my throat, they wanted my focus further down for pushing. That advice really helped me, and get me to focus on the task at hand even though I was so so tired.
I was scared to DEATH. My firstborn was born via emergency c-section and we both almost died.
My second was a vaginal birth but I had everyone scaring me with horror stories about uterine rupture (until I educated myself on that)... but overall I was just very very scared, despite all my attempts at preparing myself with books and Bradley childbirth classes and all.
I know you don't want to hear this but it DOES depend on the person, the baby, so many factors.
My FI (I am part of a same sex couple) talks about giving birth to our DD like it was nothing. Hers was very quick and to hear her talk, pretty much painless, despite havign no meds.
My mother talked like it was the end of the world and how she couldn't wait for the epidurals to kick in (me and my brother). She had really awful back labor, apparently.
My grandmother was one of those "Oh I sneezed... and look, there's a baby!" women, with one of her labors lasting 45 minutes and the other an hour and a half! Piece of cake, according to her.
So, for ME:
I was in labor 32 hours. Four hours of that was pushing. My son was 3 weeks post dates and weighed 10lbs, 11 ounces when born. I had no meds of any kind. Yeah, it hurt. I was not screaming like women on TV. I DID moan and 'vocalize' a lot. It helped with the pain. I also tried to stay upright... they had this grab bar thing above the hospital bed that was awesome. I also spent a LOT of time in the hospital shower, sitting on the "birthing ball" (yoga ball I call it!) with hot water pouring down on me, as I had some back labor too and it felt amazing. Helped with the pain also.
When I was relaxed and felt safe, the pain was bearable. When the nurses were pushy and my stress level increased, the pain increased!
Pushing hurt, but more than anything it was just EXHAUSTING. I was actually sleeping in between pushes, and we're talking "sleep" for 30 second intervals. I was sooooooooo tired.
As far as labor pains? I will tell you with 100% truth... yes, they hurt, and sometimes they hurt badly, but the whole "it was worth it" thing has truth to it, even during... because the pain is not pointless, like when you cut yourself cutting an apple or stub your toe or break a bone even. It all has a goal and that in itself makes it easier to handle. And, I have had period cramps as bad as (in fact a few times WORSE than) labor pains. I have always had pretty awful periods. I expected labor pains to be worse but not really!
After my son was born my mom says jokingly "So, wanna do it again?" and I said (to her surprise) "Sure! Just give me a year or two!"
When my son was born, it was the most empowering moment I think I have ever had. I felt like I could do ANYTHING at that moment. And that boy looked me right in the eyes and didn't cry at all! Amazing.
Then, I begged someone to run get me a double cheeseburger. I was ravenous!
To me it is more HARD work than painful. Yes it hurts but I remember the exhaustion more.
I think it mostly depends on if your being induced on not. I was induced with my daughter and ended up being in labor for 19 HOURS. If the baby comes naturally its generally a shorter labor. Your going to hear both horror stories and people that say they just popped their baby out in an hour! Everyones different. They started me on pitocin at about 5 pm and i didnt have my daughter till about 12:45 the next afternoon. I think one of the hardest parts was being COMPLETELY exhausted after 18 hours of labor then having to push for a hour. I had such a bad experience with child birth i honestly never want to have another. But FI wont allow that.. so looks like i am! My epidural made me throw up and pass out repeatedly and my blood pressure/heart rate went down to someones that was having a heart attack. Needless to say, that part was not fun :( But i have a friend that was in labor for 3 hours pushed a few times and voila! There was the baby! Jealous.
Ok, I screamed and cried... I was induced twice because the first time it didnt work and was in active labor for 32 hours before I had an emergency c-section. That being said I was told that I have cephalopelvic disproportion, meaning my hips didn't spread to allow the baby to move through the birth canal. Essentially my sons head was stuck and with every push/contraction he was lodging against my pelvic bone. I believe I had the right to cry like a baby after going through all of this, but most women do not. My second child was a no hassle c-section thank goodness.
When you are induced, they say the contractions are much more intense as a result of pitocin that's given. Just an FYI.. and again as others have said everyone's so different. I would pick my second labor (no meds, very long, 4 hours of pushing) ANY day over the c-section. I was horrified I guess by being cut open and the healing afterwards for me was awful and painful. After my second son I was in the grocery store the day I got out of the hospital. No biggie at all, I felt great!
Although the c-section wasn't what I had originally planned for, I am thankful that I had it. I had an epi and my labor was still quite painful. I think the baby and the catheter didn't mix. I pushed for 2 + hours every 2 minutes. That was just crazy and after all that effort I was seriously exhausted so when the option of c-section was given, I took it and don't regret it at all. At that point it was a painless birth. Recovery had it's moments but not from the incision.
The pain before the epi was unbearable. I couldn't even walk let alone stand. An hour in, I stopped being a martyr and took the meds.
Everyone is different so it is hard to tell people what they will go through. I loved listening to all the stories so I knew what to expect. It did help me out. I was calm through everything.
Random bit of medical fact: when I was in nursing school we learned that women actual have a horomone related chemical that is triggered for release when the birthing process is complete to remove the pain related memories.
Interesting stuff...
exercising and being active is supposed to help. it supposedly prepares the body and also keeps you healthy. i know youre not supposed to overdo it but exercising promotes lots of oxygen delivery, plus it can work out cramps
Here's a brief birth story from me and since Moose had passed, I didn't have a baby to help me ignore the pain.
Giving birth was so scary to me I cried about it frequently and then I started reading about child birth which led me to decide a Bradley Birth. McHusband and I went to classes, did our homework, and tracked my food for protein. It was very bonding for us.
I'm skipping the finding out Moose passed part for the birth experience part.
McHusband helped me through my contractions as I lay in the tub at the hospital. He just played The Cure and told me when I was 15, 30, and 45 seconds through my contractions. I didn't take any medications for hours because, really, they weren't bad. I just relaxed and went somewhere inside myself.
After hours, I got out of the tub and went to the bed because that's what I wanted to do. (I did whatever I wanted to do as in if I had to go to the bathroom, I went to the bathroom; if I wanted to be in the tub, I was there; and when I was cold, I was covered. Plus, I dragged McHusband everywhere I went. Gross, but bonding.) When I got to the bed, my contractions were slightly worse, so I did get a dose of medicine which did NOTHING. I wanted to be sent to Jupiter so that I wouldn't mentally be awake anymore, but that didn't happen. And then it was time to push.
Moose wasn't turned, so I delivered Moose feet first. Delivery was not bad as I had imagined. It was over quickly and the nurses, midwife, and doctor were all very nice, expecially one nurse and midwife.
Honestly, the whole birth experience was not as bad as my uterus shirking. That was awful and I had never read anything about it.
So there you go. The birth experience of an Angel Mom. Painful in a far different way, but not clouded by the claim "it's all forgotten once you see your baby." Hope it helps.
I love you Moosey!
I love reading honest birth (and after birth!) stories like Dumpling's blog. Honestly, the worse the stories are the better I feel, haha. I just feel more empowered knowing the real deal. I hate going into situations not knowing what to expect and I definitely wouldn't want to go into labor like that. Most of the books and other mom's stories tell you it is going to hurt but hearing the nitty gritty helps you really prepare mentally.
i think it's funny because alot(not all) of the women on tv giving birth and screaming have an epi, and they can hardly feel anything anyway... but i also haven't given birth(but plan on going without any meds)... so i guess everyone is different!
I had an epideral at 4 1/2 cm and from there I felt nothing. It was a total breeze. It was the swelling and pain 'down there' afterwards for 2 weeks that was the killer. I would have a ton more if they all went like that! :)
This is what I'm dying to know...because my doctor and nurse friends tell me that EVERYONE (or almost everyone) poops when they push. I would die to poop in front of everyone!!! Noooo!
I bet to the doctors and nurses it would not be a big deal but that is what I am dreading most!!!!
So...is it true?
@futuremrskelsey: The secret to not pooping in front of everyone is getting up and pooping when it feels like you need to poop. It also helps with the contractions so much.
I think most people have no idea if they poop during pushing or not. Seriously, I have no clue if I did or not. It's definitely not like the doctor/nurses tell you, so I'm not sure how people know if they do or not.
Haha. Ooh, good advice TheFutureMrsMcBride !!!
@Mrs. Spring: True that! Not like the doctor or nurse would say "oh nasty you just pooped" or make any ugly face or start gagging. I think I would die if they reacted like that :)
Everyone says this but it's true- when you're pushing the baby out you won't care if you're pooping. All you're going to care about is getting that baby out, no matter what it takes. Also, your nurse or midwife will clean you up quickly so it's not like you're going to be sitting there in your own poo...
wow. I have two kids, the first by emergency c-section, the second by c-section (not emergency, though).
My son's birth was pure pain. Ummm.. you know how you bend a twig and it won't break? That was my leg. During Delivery. Morphine, yes, the anesthesiologist was giving me MORPHINE through the epidural and it WAS NOT HELPING. So, c-section! Wow, that spinal block removed ALL the pain... except my leg ached for the next few days. (Discovered from my family doctor my SI joint was out of place. yay me. DO NOT fall flat on your tail bone while pregnant. it WILL hurt and cause problems later!)
My daughter, however, is the interesting story. No pain. None. Went in at 6, she was born around 11. No pain. No meds. Read and talked the whole time. She was also 4-5 weeks premature (dr's couldn't agree, but she had no eyelashes or eyebrows until a week later...) and was in the NICU for a week. In a city over three hours away. TOTALLY SUCKED.
Thanks for sharing the stories ladies! I've always wondered about delivery and contractions, and pain since I had none. And I didn't know when I was in labor, either. Only thing I knew was I couldn't sit down normally!!! LOL!
I highly recommend watching The Business of Being Born. It will give you a whole different perspective on hospital births and how so many of the "necessary" interventions in hospitals are actually not necessary at all. It really opened my eyes.
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