Post # 1
I’m tentatively giving (for the save the dates purposes and not over inviting) all my single friends Plus 1’s so that if they should have a serious relationship in 7 months when I start to finalize guest list and send out official invites I’m not stuck with having to say “no, sorry…I already over-invited assuming you wouldn’t have a plus 1.”
That all being said – in 7 months is there a way to reach out to single friends before sending invites to see if they plan on bringing someone or started a serious relationship we are unaware of etc? I want to avoid a B-List and right now we have 15 single people on our guest list which would completely allow us to include our B-list in our first round of invites.
I’ve read that others have just not given a plus 1 if someone is not in a “committed relationship” at the time that the invites go out…but I don’t want to assume someone’s situation or comfort level going solo.
What if right before I sent out the invites I wrote the following:
We want to provide you a plus 1, but we have limited space at our venue so we wanted to guage what your thoughts were on whether you think you will bring someone? We want you to bring someone if you’re in a committed relationship (its up to your discretion what a committed relationship is) or if you feel really uncomfortable coming without a date. This will help us greatly as we continue to flush out the details of our guest list.
Post # 3
@xkrsa: we’re giving people +1’s, at least we’ve assumed it at this point (even my 99 year old grandfather – much to my mothers entertainment). I don’t think you really can do anything about it they either get an ‘and guest’ or they don’t – you can’t control who they bring.
Post # 4
Honestly, for save the dates, I’d just address them to the person your inviting. It’s not worth stressing about this now. When you send out invites, then you can decide +1’s based on the current situation.
Post # 5
Send out STD’s just addressed to your friend. But for the purposes of your guest count, count each of them as your friend +1. Then when you get to sending invitations, you’ll know who is in a rellationship and who isn’t. Send invitations with a +1 to those in a relationship and skip those who aren’t.
Post # 6
I agree that you should just address the STD’s to the person you are inviting. You only have to add the “and guest” once you are expecting a response from the formal invite. No need to worry about it until then, and you’ll have a better idea of who is in a relationship closer to the wedding.
Post # 7
@xkrsa: I think it’s nice that you’re being considerate but if you have the opportunity to invite people you want there rather than a bunch of randoms then I think you should go for it.
I think it’s inappropriate to quiz people on their relationship status for the sake of your plus one count and it’s actually way worse than not giving people a plus one. If you don’t want a bunch of randoms at your wedding then only give peple who you know to be in a commited relationship a plus one.
Post # 8
Thanks all! Completely agree! I definitely alreay planned doing the STD’s like you had all mentioned.
My questions is more around making the judgement when sending out the invites on those friends who don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend. For example if we have a friend who just meant someone and they became serious quickly and I’ve yet to hear about it OR we have a friend who feels really insecure about not bringing a date. Most of the people who are single have other friends at the wedding that are single so it shouldn’t be an issue..but I don’t want to assume for them. Does that make sense?
Post # 9
@Ruby-Redshoes: Thanks Ruby! That’s what I’m trying to guage – what’s worse! Appreciate this insight 🙂
Post # 10
I think you should stick with your STD plan… and in the months to follow if a friend is gushing about the guy she is dating, then you should probably invite him. If you have never heard about the guy in several months, then the friend isn’t close enough to warrant a +1, IMO
Post # 11
@xkrsa: Here’s what I don’t get about not wanting to have any “randoms” there, but opening up invites to single friends who might want to bring someone you don’t even know. Wouldn’t they be random to you anyway? Why go through the fuss of trying to tell friends to only bring someone they’re in a committed relationship with when you wouldn’t know the person either way?
I guess what I’m saying is: What difference does it make to you whether they consider themselves in a ‘committed rrelationship’ with the +1 or not? Obviously you wouldn’t know the +1 anyway if you have to ask the question in the first place. I dislike conditional +1s, just let pepole bring whom they want.
Post # 12
I think as long as they are friendly with a few people at the wedding and not engaged/married/living together, it’s fine not to give them a +1.
Post # 13
Post # 14
@BrandNewBride: THanks! So maybe I’ll just wait and IF there is anything questionable I can post back here again to get some advice!
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
We sent invites just addressed to our single friends; no +1 on the invite. A few have asked to bring dates and we’ve had no issues with allowing a +1 for anyone that has asked.
Post # 16
@xkrsa: If I were in a relationship of under 8 months or so, I wouldn’t even blink if my partner wasn’t invited. I’d figure that the guest list was set before we got serious.
IMO, being offended about not being able to bring your S/O of a few weeks is ridiculous.