How long for the processional?
more by Statutory Grape
Which song for a first dance?
How long for the processional?
more in Beehive
First look
Dog food recommendations?
more in Boards
Open Bar vs. Cash Bar- What are you doing?

"Giving" the bride away

posted 1 year ago in Beehive
  • poll: Are you having an escort? Is someone giving you away?
    Yes to both : (41 votes)
    43 %
    Yes to escort, no to giving me away : (30 votes)
    32 %
    No to escort, yes to giving me away : (6 votes)
    6 %
    No to both : (18 votes)
    19 %
  •  
    1.
    2,566 posts
    Sugar bee
    Statutory Grape    March 2014  

    This isn't required, right? I'm planning to walk down the aisle by myself, and we're having a JP ceremony, so I'm guessing I don't need to have anyone "give me away."

    Since I'm a shameless pollwhore, I've added a poll, too. Is anyone walking you down? Giving you away?

     
    2.
    Member Icon
    Member
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    BlueChampagne    June 2011   NY

    It's not necessary.  In some cultures the B & G walk down the aisle together at the beginning.  Do what feels right to you.

    I'll be walked down by my dad and possibly my mom.  I don't want to walk by myself. 

     
    3.
    Member
    6,023 posts
    Bee Keeper
    jo.lee    September 10, 2011   Indianapolis

    I didn't want to be "given away" for feminist reasons, but my mom told me how much it meant to my dad, so I'm caving. I'm all for not doing it, though!

     
    4.
    Member Icon
    Member
    589 posts
    Busy bee
    noodlesploosh    June 25, 2011  

    I'm an only child and I think it would mean a lot to my dad to walk me down the aisle, especially because I lost my mom 10 years ago and she would have been having so much fun during this whole wedding planning process. I think her absence will be heavy in the room - like, she would have been the type to say, I'M giving you away, not your dad...! Ha. I just think it'll mean a lot to him to be the one who walks me down the aisle.

    At the same time, I'm a feminist and although I've been embracing a lot of old traditions (albeit putting a modern spin on them!), I don't like the language "giving me away." I will be two weeks from turning 30 at the ceremony and am not changing my name and am thinking of using this language at the end (totally stealing it from a friend's ceremony!): "You may now kiss each other." I think it's sort of a strange custom. I want him to stand with me, but it's not like I'm a piece of property he's handing over to another man, you know? We all are part of the same family and will continue to be be in each other's lives... 

    Rambling. Anyway. I voted for option 2!

     

     
    5.
    2,566 posts
    Sugar bee
    Statutory Grape    March 2014  

    @noodlesploosh: All very good reasons, and I like changing the wording! I don't have a mom or a dad--my aunt raised me, but I don't think she'd care either way if she gave me away or not. So, to avoid ruffling feathers, I'm just walking by myself--well, also because I don't see a point to having an escort for myself. FH's stepmom suggested his dad give me away, and I was like..."What?!"

     
    6.
    Member
    2,616 posts
    Sugar bee
    Entangled    September 17, 2011   Carmel, CA

    I will be walking down the aisle with my fiance.  It's unconventional but for us it's absolutely the perfect thing to do.  I'm very close with my father but also very nontraditional, so he didn't feel snubbed by it.

     
    7.
    Member
    438 posts
    Helper bee
    PaperCrane       Married!

    I'm glad my dad walked me down the aisle because i kept tripping on the front of my dress and i held onto him for dear life! The judge didn't say anything about "giving away" he just walked my to my spot and joined the guests.

     

    @noodlesploosh: i don't like that giving permission to kiss either- we had the judge say "please seal your union with a kiss"

     
    8.
    Member
    309 posts
    Helper bee
    iRun2004    March 26, 2011  

    Has anyone done a double "give-away"? Both your parents and your FI's parents at the beginning of the ceremony? That seems like an interesting way to change things up.

     
    8.
    Member
    8,387 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    PitBulLover    August 21, 2010  

    I walked down the aisle with my dad and I guess he "gave me away" but I didnt really think of it like that....I just thought of it as my dad being there to support me in my last moments of being single before I married my husband. I loved walking down the aisle with my dad and then he shook my husband's hand and said "Take care of her" and then we hugged and he walked to his seat. It was very special! I think you should do what you want and what is right for you, your family and your future husband!

     
    9.
    Member Icon
    Member
    589 posts
    Busy bee
    noodlesploosh    June 25, 2011  

    @Statutory Grape: My friend with the "kiss each other" ceremony also walked down the aisle by herself! The groom walked up by himself first, then the BMs & GMs walked up in pairs, then the bride by herself. It was lovely.

     
    10.
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    KTseamans    October 10, 2010   New York

    im a big girl and made this choice my self I dont need anyone walking me through it or giving permission,, eghhh lol

     
    11.
    Hostess
    4,102 posts
    Honey bee
    AnnieAAA    October 25, 2009   Dallas, TX

    I changed the wording too. Like jo.lee, my feminist side came out & I didn't want to be "given away" from one man to another. I love my daddy & my husband, but the wording wasn't for me.

    So, I had both my parents walk me down the aisle. They both raised me, and are equally important, so I thought it was only fitting.

    My dad loved the idea (mainly bc he was nervous about having all the people looking at him.) But he also agreed that he would like my mom by my side also :)

     
    12.
    Member
    2,998 posts
    Sugar bee
    missmouse29    July 2011   NWOntario, Canada

    No giving away, no processional, no all eyes on me only me, no patriarchal hierarchy! I considered walking down an 'aisle' with my partner, but it isn't as tempting an option as nixing the whole aisle is.

    I hope I don't hurt my dad's feelings, I'm his only daughter, and idek if him walking me down the aisle/'giving me away' is a big deal to him or not.

    I kinda just plan on us 'meeting' at a designated spot and being like 'go!' hahah not really, obviously, it will be little more classy than that ;)

     
    13.
    Member Icon
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    Missbliss      

    I have been loved, cherished, protected, and valued by my family.  Being given away is the symbolic move from the family of my birth to the new family.  They are giving him the honor of loving, cherishing, protecting, and valuing me... as a wife and new family member.  To me the concept of being given away isn't about feminism, but about family.  Your family who loves you is presenting you to be married to someone that you love.  They have raised you up to be the woman he loves... I'm definitely a Daddy's girl and will be honored to have him walk me up the aisle and reply "Her mother and I do... "  to the question at hand! 

     
    14.
    Member Icon
    Member
    589 posts
    Busy bee
    noodlesploosh    June 25, 2011  

    @AnnieAAA: Sounds very sweet. I think this would have been my ideal situation... 

     
    15.
    Member
    9,963 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    CorgiTales    February 1, 2011  

    I said yes to both but I dont know if that is true. My dad will walk my down the aisle and put my hand in FI's... so I guess he is kind of giving me away? But there will be no "who gives this woman"

     
    16.
    Member
    6,023 posts
    Bee Keeper
    jo.lee    September 10, 2011   Indianapolis

    @PaperCrane: Oooh, I love that wording for the kiss!

     
    17.
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    MamaHusky3    July 9, 2011   South Jersey

    @CorgiTales: this is what i want to do.... in my case tho, i want my stepdad and my father to both walk me down, one on either side....my stepdad is my fatherly figure but my father, even tho he wasn't always there, he tried his best to be and to stay in my life so its important to me for him to walk me down as well.... but i dont think i'm going to have any "who gives this woman..." either...

     
    18.
    Member
    1,443 posts
    Bumble bee
    stillme    October 2010  

    I walked unescorted, and there was no giving away.

    We had an otherwise traditional, religious ceremony officiated by a minister, but even he said that he never asks "who gives this woman" unless he is specifically requested to do so.

    So, no, you don't have to be escorted and/or given away. No one commented to me at all one way or the other about it. 

     
    19.
    Member
    483 posts
    Helper bee
    hedgeknits    August 28, 2010  

    No, this isn't necessary. My husband and I had a Catholic Mass, and we walked down the aisle together. Nobody gave me away.

     
    20.
    Member
    4,354 posts
    Honey bee
    mightywombat    June 25, 2011   Massachusetts

    I definitely couldn't have just my dad escort me - my parents are divorced and although I love him dearly, I'm closer to my mom who mostly raised me.  So it would have to be both of them. But...

    In addition to my mom and dad, I have two stepparents who I love and wouldn't want to exclude.  That would make a very crowded aisle!  I don't know what we're going to do yet. The wedding will be in my mom's backyard if the weather is nice, or in front of her fireplace if it isn't.  So I think there might not even be any processional - we might just walk up to the front, etiher one at a time or together.

     

     
    21.
    Member
    3,514 posts
    Sugar bee
    GreenEyedMoon    January 14, 2012   Dallas

    @Missbliss:  This is exactly how I feel about it.  I'm not anyone's property but my own, but my family is, right now, my birth family, and when I marry, my main family will become my husband.  Thus, I have no problem with my dad (and quite probably my mom, too) "giving me away" from their family to join his.  I guess I think of it more like a high school graduation ceremony that feeds right into opening ceremonies for college, or something like that.  I was a part of something, but I am leaving that to join something else.

     
    22.
    Member
    2,440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    MissHelen    November 20, 2010   California

    My Dad will be escorting me and there will be no "who gives this woman..?" schtick. I HAVE seen some places where that is asked and the response from the Dad is "with our blessing, she gives herself".

     
    23.
    Member Icon
    Member
    831 posts
    Busy bee
    ladyox    May 16, 2010  

    You can do whatever you are comfortable with...my brother walked me down the aisle and we were met at the end by my mom and stepmom (father passed away) and then our officiant asked "who gives this bride away" and my mother said "she gives herself freely and with our blessing"  Yes, we "borrowed" that line from a TV show but I love it and it sums up what happened - I gave myself freely to my husband with the total support of my family.  When my mom and I saw that moment on TV we both knew it was the perfect way for us to handle it - the family was still involved but my independence was intact! 

     
    24.
    Member
    1,575 posts
    Bumble bee
    jaylii9    September 5, 2010  

    I am honestly confused by the defintion of "giving away". My Dad walked me down the aisle. He then gave me a hug and shook hands with my hubby. I did not consider that being given away. I more thought of it as such a special thing that my Dad walked me down the aisle and got to have that honor.

    Also, I wanted to mention that there was no " who gives this woman spcheel" At the start iof the wedding our pastor asked us if we were both there on free will and asked our families to support us. I am a feminist and never thought of my ceremony involving a giving away process, but I am very very glad that my Dad walked me down the aisle!

     
    25.
    Member
    6,643 posts
    Bee Keeper
    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    Both of my parents walked me down the aisle, since it's the Jewish tradition. I don't think there's any right or wrong with this.

     
    26.
    Member
    6,032 posts
    Bee Keeper
    PrncssDva    October 16, 2010   Memphis, TN

    I am walking down the aisle myself and FI is meeting me halfway. My mom, dad, brothers, and little sister will stand around us in a half-circle and "give me away".

     
    27.
    Member Icon
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    October4040    October 8, 2010   West Virginia

    I'm walking down the aisle with my mom, but she's not 'giving me away.' Our officiant is not going to mention that part. She'll basically walk me down and take her seat. Wink

     
    28.
    Member
    523 posts
    Busy bee
    Cheeks11    April 8, 2011   Dallas, TX

    My 14 year old son will be escorting me down the aisle. I also don't like the term "giving away" so I choose to say escort instead.

     
    29.
    Member
    1,736 posts
    Bumble bee
    tinylittlebird    June 24, 2011   Indiana

    It isn't necessary at all, but I love my dad to bits and I know that he really wants to do it. The "giving away" part doesn't bother me... i mean, I live with my FI, we've been on our own for a long time now, so honestly my parents aren't "giving" me to him because they don't support me anymore, but it's a tradition that I know is symbolically important to my dad, and I love him, so it doesn't bother me. 

     
    30.
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    ScooterBride    September 2, 2012   CO, wedding in NY

    My father is no longer living, and the only other man who's had a serious role in my life is my fiance. So I'm not really worried about the whole "giving away" bit, as there's no one to do it, and I don't feel anyone has the rights to "give away" a grown human being anyway. Personal opinion.

     
    31.
    Member
    621 posts
    Busy bee
    katsupgirl    November 11, 2011   Brooklyn

    So far the plan is to walk solo. I don't want anyone obstructing the view of me in my stunning dress. Ha! This may change if someone's feelings get hurt though. Sigh.

     
    32.
    Member
    3,096 posts
    Sugar bee
    2dBride    October 6, 2009   Washington, DC.

    My wife and I walked down the aisle together, and no one gave either of us away.

     
    33.
    Member Icon
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    Ei    September 10, 2011  

    my dad will have to honor of both...he told me the other day that he might not let go  :)  i'm such a daddy's little girl (and only child!)

     
    34.
    Member
    1,884 posts
    Buzzing bee
    JennyW1    February 19, 2011  

    Um, no. We're in a public park and I think it'd be a little *too* much fanfare!

     
    35.
    Member Icon
    Member
    239 posts
    Helper bee
    summerbvt    June 19, 2010   Houston, TX

    The thought of it has always bothered me, I guess because I think at heart I have always been a bit of a feminist.  However, as the wedding drew near and because my dad in recent years has really made an effort to mend our relationship, I felt that he should be included.  So, we compromised and I walked down the stairs and to the start of the aisle and my dad walked with me the rest of the way (only about 20 ft).  As I mentioned in a previous post, my dad and FI surprised me by giving each other a high-five to acknowledge it.  I thought it was hilarious and the perfect balance between maintaining some independence but allowing my dad to be a part of it!

     

     
    36.
    Bee Icon
    Bee
    1,191 posts
    Bumble bee
    cheetah    January 1, 1990  

    My FI will walk down alone and I will walk down alone.  We're both feminists and we want it to be equal :).  FI will walk out after his groomsmen, I'll walk out after my bridesmaids.  I'm really excited, although I'm sure the nerves will kick in right before I have to start walking!

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    MrsOliveBird 11
    ticatica 11
    aussiebee 10
    janetsnakehole 8
    Scottish_lassie 6
    GelaMac 6
    j_jaye 5
    Rivendeler 5
    fivemonthsnotice 5
    simpleandchic 4

    Beehive

    User Posts Today
    j_jaye 4
    JenRoses 3
    MrsOliveBird 2
    simpleandchic 1
    allihappy 1
    ticatica 1
    Kewii 1
    zomgwut 1
    MabelleBliss 1
    Sarahbear 1
    More