Post # 1
Our wedding is next month (yay) at a winery and DI and I decided to have a child-free event. Most of our guests don’t have children.. However, the ones that do have expressed that they would love their children to come, but understand and have made arrangements.
Today, FI’s cousin/groomsman asked if his girlfriend’s 7 year old niece could come. FI apologized and reminded him that it was going to be a child-free evening. GM kept pushing, asking if there are any no RVSPs or if there is wiggle room, etc. FI explained that if we make one exception, we would have to invite everyone’s children or take a lot of heat from it. GM still doesn’t get it, and keeps pushing the issue. This isn’t even their child, which is what makes it that much more frustrating–they don’t need to arrange childcare because the girl could stay with her parents.
We aren’t even inviting my nephews. Children are more than welcome at any pre- and post-wedding celebrations, but on the day, we made a choice and we are sticking to it.
I know that others have gone through something similar. How did you stand your ground without stepping on toes?
Post # 3
I think you just have to keep reiterating what you’ve said. It’s very bizarre that they’re trying to bring a kid who isn’t even theirs to a child-free wedding! Like, when people want to bring their own kids, I get where they’re coming from… but his girlfriend’s niece? wtf??
Post # 4
You’ve already given im a clear answer. If he asks again, I would just say “I’m sorry, That’s not possible”.
HIM- But she’s so cute, she would look so good in the picures
YOU -I’m sorry,that’s not possible
HIM- but we already told her she could come
YOU- I’m sorry, that’s not possible
YOU- I’m sorry, it is not possible to allow her to attend. Is there anything else you would like to discuss?
You do not owe him any more explanations or discussions.
Post # 5
So weird. Just keep holding your ground. People are so annoying.
Post # 6
Hold your ground and tell him, “GM, MY nephews aren’t invited to the wedding so your girlfriend’s niece certainly won’t be the exception. This topic is closed.”
Post # 7
Can you say for safety reasons children are not permitted at the winery? When I was venue shopping we came across a winery that would not allow anyone under the age of 18. You might be lying, but it’d close the conversation very quickly.
Post # 8
@somerrae: “Look, I understand that you’d like it if she could come, but the answer is no and that’s not going to change. We are NOT discussing this again.”
Post # 9
He wants to invite his girlfriend’s niece? Like, not even his girlfriend’s child? Wtf?
I agree with @julies1949, just keep repeating the same thing over and over again.
Post # 10
I agree with all the other bees that a). just keep saying NO. And b) that it’s weird that they want to bring a child that isn’t theirs?! Have you asked him why he wants his gf’s niece to come? Did they agree to babysit her that night without realising the conflict and are now trying to solve it by forcing it on to your wedding?
Post # 11
@somerrae: sounds very odd. What type of relationship does he have w his gf’s niece? be prepared, bet he shows upwith her anyway. Had it happen to me. Have a plan if this happens.
Post # 12
Wow that’s a bit odd….especially as it isn’t even his child! Did he say *why* he was so desperate for her to come? As other posters have said, just say no and close the subject. It’s inappropriate anyway to ask for extra people to come but this is particularly odd!!
Post # 13
I don’t get why people do this – not just at weddings, in general. We’re not having kids at our wedding either (except our nephew, who will be about 6 weeks – it’s not like he’s going to take up a seat and/or plate), and if people are upset about it, tough noogies.
Not every event is child-friendly, and people certainly have the right to host an adults-only event. I LOVE children, but I don’t always love them at things like weddings, especially if the parents aren’t looking after them.
“No, your girlfriend’s niece can’t come. That’s our final answer, so you don’t need to keep bringing it up. The answer will still be no.”
If the niece does come (omg – I hope they wouldn’t do that) I guess you’ll have to deal with it however you’re comfortable/able. I wish you good luck! 🙂
Post # 14
I think its weird that they are pushing the issue…especially since it isn’t their kid haha. Just keep telling him what you’ve been telling him. You’re right, you can’t make one exception when everyone else understood.
Post # 19
@somerrae: update? Did he end up bringing the kid?
Post # 20
He did. About a week before the wedding, we were informed that GM flew the little girl out from Florida. They live in New Mexico, our wedding is in California. I was pretty upset to find out that they had to go so far out of their way to have her come, even though we specifically said no.
If any kids were going to be there, it would be my nephews because they are my direct family. This little girl isn’t family by blood or law. That thinking made my MIL (who stayed with us for the 5 days before the wedding) make some very snide comments about how I “am not in the position to decide who is and who isn’t family” for the Mr.
In the end, it just wasn’t worth an argument. Too many other things were going on. She came, and she was a very nice girl. She told me that she was the luckiest girl for being able to come to our wedding. She wasn’t in any formal photos. I would have preferred that she wasn’t there for multiple reasons, but it wasn’t the end of the world and it didn’t ruin my special day.