Post # 1
My boyfriend of 4.5 years dumped me a month ago.
His initial reason was because he was unsure about marrying me so he said he did not want to date me if he didn’t want to marry me. He says he loves me. Okay.
But now he is saying God told him not to marry me. I have spoken to numerous pastors/chaplains/my parents/friends and cousins and no one believes that God would tell him to not marry me.
We are both believers, not sexually active and regularly attend church so why would God say no to him but not me.
I have posted numerous boards in the emotional section of the BEE if you want to get more background info but has anyone ever heard of this? Or can shed some light?
I’m not sure how to handle this in the most Christian way, such as should I delete him off my facebook, not talk to him at parties because it hurts too much? I’m unsure how to handle this. I don’t want to be rude because I want him to come back but I hate seeing him happy on social media. He is my third boyfriend. Facebook wasn’t an issue for my past two boyfriends because it wasn’t really around then.
I am 21 and he is 23.
Post # 3
I dont think God would tell him not to marry you… I feel like God has way bigger things to deal with. I would delete him from your facebook and try to move on. I know a breakup is never easy, but at least you arnt dating someone who lies and pretends God is giving him love advice. If youre a bit crazy (and slightly vindictive) you could keep him on FB and go out and have the time of your life, leaving updates on facebook to show him what he lost out on! I know thats what I would do!
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Disclaimer: I do not believe in God, so I am pretty sure God didn’t tell your boyfriend to dump you. On the other hand, I wouldn’t go so far as to say your boyfriend made the story up. Who knows, maybe he really believes that.
But the more important thing is: it doesn’t matter what his reason is. He broke up with you. I would not count on him coming back, and therefore my advice is the same to you, a Christian, as it would be to any person: be civil to him if you run into him, but take care of yourself first. Don’t feel like you need to make small talk if it makes you sad to talk to him. Talk to other people! As for facebook, you could possibly “hide” his posts until you don’t care as much. Is he likely to be in your life much if you are broken up? If not, there’s nothing wrong with unfriending him if it’s actually painful for you.
The good news is that you are young, and unfortunately, this is not the man for you, but you have your life ahead of you. 😀
Post # 5
I’m a Christian and so are a lot of my friends.
Has he been doing any reading lately? When I was in high school a bunch of my Christian friends all read the same book about dating. Then they all started dumping their boyfriends. It was really weird.. it’s a good thing I didn’t read that book, I may not have ended up with my husband :P.
I’m sorry that this happened. But honestly, I don’t really know what to say. I think it sounds ridiculous.. but really, who knows? I feel like it’s a cop out on his part. Does he not have any reason?? I think if God gave him a sign or whatever it would have at least led him to know why (i.e. he should be focusing more on his personal relationship with God right now or something?)
If he can’t tell you WHY he is dumping you then I think that’s plain dumb. In that case, perhaps you are better off without him. I think you need to delete him from your social media account. Social media has a way of making everyone seem happy.. trust me, they ARE NOT that happy. No one posts pictures of their diarrhea, blotchy face from crying, etc. People post pictures to make everyone think they are happy, which leads to everyone feeling sad because they think their life sucks. Please delete him, you don’t need to feel that way, and he probably isn’t actually that happy.
Post # 6
I don’t know what I can say to you other than your ex boyfriend is behaving like a douche.
God did NOT tell him to break up with you. He is looking to delegate blame.
I think this is the third time I may have written these words to you, leave this person alone, move on. There will be a man who will never doubt his love for you one day, and he is the one who is worthy of your attention, not this guy.
Post # 7
It’s not your place to question or judge his relationship to god, nor is it your place to expect god to tell you the same things as your ex. You two may not be for each other, but god may have wanted to test his obedience, or to teach you to be strong and independent, or to teach you to rely on others in the community of faith in times of pain, or any number of things. Rather than dwelling on it and asking why, you need to ask how you can move forward in service to him.
I mean, ask yourself if you really think it’s in god’s plan for you to facebook stalk your ex and feel jealousy and anger over his apparant happiness.
Post # 8
@AussieSummer: Nobody can tell you whether or not God told him not to marry you. I believe it is absolutely possible that God has someone better out there for both of you. Is there also a possiblity that he is using this as an excuse? Of course, but nobody (except him) is able to say that for certain… not your friends, family, and not even your pastor.
I believe that God told me not to be with my ex… so I broke up with him after 3 years of dating.
The closer we get to God, the more we learn about His desires and plans for our lives. We aren’t able to see the whole picture now… and maybe not ever. But if he truly has heard from God, then it’s a good thing he is following Him. As much as it hurts now- God turns all things for good and there is a better match out there for you.
The best thing to do in this situation is pray. Pray that God helps your through the heartache (& He will… because He doesn’t want to see you hurting) and pray for clarity. Nothing else will matter… I think maybe to help yourself through this you should consider deactivating your facebook, or telling him you are going to defriend him to make things easier (Of course, no hard feelings).
I would also try and focus on really trying to learn the true meaning of the word “love”. It’s important that you are able to see him happy, and not get upset- whether or not you are with him. It’s hard, and I’m no expert. Though, I do think that in relationships (of any kind) it’s important to want people to be happy… and through that we remain firm in who we are as Christians; which, in the end, keeps us happy ourselves.
Post # 9
Nobody can really say what God did or did not tell him. If your boyfriend was asking God for help about this and God answered, the answer would go to your boyfriend, not to you.
Whether God told him to break up with you is not what the focus should be on. The fact is that he broke up with you.
I know this is difficult, but it seems that when he broke up with you he meant it — he doesn’t want to continue the relationship. Do your best to move on, and try not to focus on getting him back. Trying to get him back will likely result in more heartache and confusion.
I think you should unfriend him on Facebook, and not go in search of what he’s up to once you’ve done that.
Do your best to leave him alone and move on before this becomes unhealthy.
Post # 10
@AussieSummer: so that’s his latest excuse?
going over your past threads, he has given you all kinds of verbiage about this topic. it all boils down to the fact he is not going to give you what you want at this time. That’s all you need to know, is it not?
Please move on. And, as someone who has benefitted from therapy, i would really advocate seeing a therapist to help you work through this understandably challenging time.
You can analyze everything he says and does to death, but you will NEVER find your answer or get closure to your satisfaction. You will certainly never be able to ascertain whether God told him to do this or whatever. besides, what does it even MATTER the reasoning behind his actions? Regardless, it’s not going to work with him, plain and simple. The key is focusing on YOU, learning to be happy with just you and to be the best you you can possibly be.
Move on, get support from people in your life you can count on, even if that means professional help. I don’t say that in a demeaning way — I myself have utilized therapy and have great respect for it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@AussieSummer: I’m sorry but are you serious?! I cant believe you are posting about this guy AGAIN! He probably just told you that so you would leave him alone! Cut all contact and move on!! You are young and have plenty if time to find someone knew.
Post # 12
@abc123joanna: This is great advice.
Asking God for clarity, guidance, and anything else you may need is a great thing to do.
Post # 13
For all that are so sure that god didn’t tell him to break up with you: how do you know?
Dsclaimer, I don’t believe in god, but if you do and you believe god can and has communicated directly to people, then isn’t it conceivable god told him to break up with OP?
Either way, OP, I’d figure out a way to move on, because either he’s been commanded by the divine, or he’s a rotten liar.
Post # 14
@AussieSummer: After I read some of your old posts (where you mentioned church), I’m not surprised.
In my long time as a Christian and in churches, I’ve seen what I call “false spirituality”. Some people with very serious character flaws cover it up by using God-language. When you said he was expecting a list of what you want in a husband, I was wondering if some of that was going on. Because that’s false spirituality: treating you like cr*p, but dressing it up to make it sound like he’s being all prayerful.
I am almost certain God did not tell you to dump him. He may sincerely believe God did. But God would also tell him to treat you with respect – which means not string you along like he has.
In terms of how to react: I think you should delete and block him on Facebook and on your phone, and refuse to talk to him. As I said in the last thread, he’s treated you like cr*p so you don’t owe him any explanations.
Don’t despair, there are many good Christian men out there. I found one, and many of my friends found theirs too.
Post # 15
Please don’t waste another minute of this beautiful life wondering if God told your ex something. Either it’s true so you ex is following his lead, or your ex is lying because he doesn’t want to be with you and doesnt understand that this lie is only hurting you more by making you spend every second analyzing. I may sound harsh, but in order to move on you need to get with it!