Post # 1
Hi I’m new here and stumbled accross this when googling how crazy i’m going waiting to get engaged!!!
Me and my BF have been together nearly 4 years and in the last 6 months 3 of our really close friends have gotten engaged (2 of whom have been dating for far far less time than us!). I seem to get asked a couple of times a week when i’m getting enagaged by various people and it just makes me so sad! I feel ridiculous as I know that I should be happy to be with such a wonderful man and be patient but lately its all i can think about and its making me really down.
I decided to bring it up with him recently and he says he definately wants to marry me but he wants us to be more financially sorted and to wait until work is easier (we have both just qualified as doctors) but those things wont be bloody sorted until we are 40 and i dont want to wait forever!!!
Sorry to rant I just dont want to keep having this discussio with him as I’m worried he will just become sick of the whole thing! I was just reading through posts here and its such a releif to known im not the only person in the world who didn’t get a suprise proposal a year into the relationship
Post # 3
You most definitely are not alone. I too am going on 4 years this Spring and know exactly how you feel. My SO also had some financial concerns early into the relationship, so I have been waiting for awhile for things to fall more into place for him so he feels ready to commit legally. I think we are getting closer, but it is tough. One thing that did help me was when my SO and I created a sort of timeline so that I knew it was in the plans (even if it was down the road). His response was very open-ended, but it did allow me to drop the subject (not perfectly but I tried) to give him the time he needed for himself. Our timeline will come to a close in a little over a year and just recently he’s been making some progress/suggestions towards an upcoming marriage. He actually even remembered the timeline we made together years ago which shocked me since he hadn’t ever been one to worry about us getting married. This is only a suggestion of course, but something to think about. I think the key is communication and after 4 years, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know where everything is going. Best of luck!!!
Post # 5
Hi! I think this is the reason I love reading the bee… it makes you feel less crazy.
My boyfriend and I have been going out since we were sophomores in high school. Seeing our high school friends getting married over the past few years is starting to take a toll on how I’m feeling. Everyone asks when we’re getting married every time we get together with other people. Some people automatically assume we’re already married. Luckily, our timeline got shorter since he’s trying to join the Navy this year. The date I have as my estimated wedding date is actually our 10 year anniversary (and I’ve been waiting since we graduated high school), so hopefully I won’t be a waiting be any longer!
The great thing is… you know you’ll get the proposal. The bad thing is… you don’t know the where, when, and how of it.
Post # 6
I am in the same boat, we have been together for over 5 years and we finally went ring shopping last summer. Waiting is so frustrating!!! Our friends who started dating the same time we did are married already and have two kids! Now other friends of ours, who have been dating for much less time than we are, are engaged. He says it’s coming soon, but I am a little frustrated to say the least. I am glad that other bees are in the same situation, and that we can come here to talk about it! The worst part for me has been holidays. My birthday, His birthday, Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day…. each time one of these days comes along, I get my hopes up and end up disappointed.
Post # 7
So glad you found your way here because so many of us feel the same way!
Post # 8
So many men just want to wait for “work”.
My SO was no different. I told him he could wait for his work all he wanted, but it was unfair of him to ask me to do the same when it wasn’t my priority. I told him quite clearly my priority was marriage and children and that I had a timeline for these things, and that if his “timeline” did not fit in with mine, well then he would have to let me find someone who’s timeline did.
That led to a compromise. Our marriage and children will fit in with my timeline (in 2013), but that I had to back-off about engagement and leave it to him. He said he would have it sorted by no later than April this year, or I am free to walk (and he knows I will).
Post # 9
Thanks everyone! its so strange I feel better just reading your replies and the other messages on this board!
Thanks for the timeline advice! I think it will make it more real for him and make him kick it up a notch! x