Post # 1
Bees, DH & I will be married a year in about a month. Before we got married we decided to wait a while before TTC. “a while” was never defined, but in my mind that means “at least a year”
Before we got married, our 1 year aniversary looked really far off, now that it’s fast approaching, I’m freaking out.
I thought we’d be on the fast track to buy a house by now, or at least in a rental suitable for a baby if one comes along….We’re not, and this imaginary “deadline” of “at least a year” is making me so crazy.
I hate my job and I’m so ready to be a SAHM. I feel like my whole life is on hold because of where we currently live because it’s not where I want to have our baby & our lease isn’t up until mid-fall. So there’s another deadline.
I know that right now is not the right time for DH and I to TTC but its killing me because I feel like my life is moving by so fast but nothing we hoped to do is happening! -As I write this I realize how terribly impatient I’m being…..
I just want to forget all these deadlines I have in my head and enjoy the HERE and NOW with DH. I love our freedom right now and this time we have together. I just worry that before you know it my 20’s (i’m 24) will be gone and nothing we planned will have happend, and I’m not sure how to be okay with that, or even if I am okay with that.
Post # 3
@mrshoneybee: I could have written this post a year or two ago 🙂
Waiting is always the hardest part. In my situation DH and I talked about waiting about 5 years. After I had a pregnancy “scare” about a year in I realized I didn’t want to wait– I was ready NOW. DH on the other hand was not. We started TTC last July, about 2 and a hald years into our marriage. It took a lot of conversations to get to that point. We essentially talked about it every 4-6 months until we were able to agree on a firm deadline. I had to do quite a bit of waiting for DH to be ready, but his willingness to move up our deadline 2.5 years was mostly because I was where you are (still am!). I was in a job with a deadline in a city I’m not crazy about, longing to have something in the here and now to focus on.
So that’s a lot of commiserating, but here is the advice I will give you. FIRST. Talk to your DH. Find out where he is on all of this. He might surprise you!
SECOND. If he isn’t quite there yet, find out why. Does he want more stable finances? More time just the two of you? Understand where he is coming from and do what you can to alleviate his concerns. For example, come up with a plan to save more of your income or pay off debt; maybe show him that having a baby doesn’t have to be too expensive. If he is worried about giving up couple time, make a Baby Bucket List of things the two of you want to enjoy before becoming parents. This will give you things to work on and do NOW that will help the time pass more quickly.
THIRD. Find a place where you can go to vent when you are feeling impatient or vulnerable. That might be here, or another online community, or even a best friend or family member. Being impatient might feel selfish but it’s a valid place to be. Find an outlet so you don’t drive yourself crazy 🙂
Post # 4
@missrain: Thank you for your advice. I think I need to do what I’ve been putting off this whole time, but know I should do…..talk to my DH. I haven’t shared any of this with him and I think it would do a lot of good to discuss our plans so I don’t drive myself insane wondering.