(Closed) Going insane.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BellaKat:  Whoa, slow down hon.  First of all, ((hug)) and I’m so sorry you’re so upset right now.

But – from your description – your approach to getting engaged will never get you engaged. 

Please try to calm yourself down.  I highly recommend you get some counseling to help you deal with the extreme stress and anxiety you’re going through.

You can’t let another person manipulate and control you.  It is not his decision alone whether you’re getting married or not.  You need to have calm discussions with him without anger or tears.

Fighting and screaming at him is going to have the exact opposite effect of what you want.  It will drive him away.  Think about it.   He is facing a lifetime committment.  You have to be the kind of woman he wants to be with for a lifetime. 

Do whatever it takes to get a grip on yourself.  I mean this in the most loving and kind way possible.  You cannot force a man to get engaged, especially not behaving the way you described.

Edit:  Also, please see a doctor to get some help for your conditions.  I know those are very painful diseases to endure!  It’s no wonder you’re upset and my heart goes out to you.

Post # 4
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@BellaKat:  *Hugs*

I think this is something bigger than wanting a proposal. I think that you’re scared that w. your ailments (sorry can’t think of a better word), he might not want to marry you. Am I right? I think you need to take a deep breath and realize that he DOES want to marry you, and it will happen. Give yourself a little more credit.

If I am way off base then I’m sorry and hope I didn’t offend you. I too am anxious to get engaged, but I don’t see myself crying all night… because I know it’ll happen.

I think you need to have a talk with your bf about timelines to ease your mind. If you’re ready to get married as a couple, you’re ready to have a serious discussion about getting engaged.

From the few details you’ve given, it does sound like it’ll happen soon.

Just a suggestion – maybe you should find a therapist/counselor to talk to. It might really ease your fears to have an outsider who is unbiased and trained to deal w. this sort of thing evaluate your situation.

Post # 5
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@canarydiamond:   I like what you said better than what I said.  Very compassionate!  🙂

Post # 6
679 posts
Busy bee

I think you need to analyze why it is that you feel so obsessed and depressed over the whole thing.

From an objective standpoint, you are 24 and you haven’t even been together for a full year yet. You are young and you have plenty of time to enjoy your relationship, an engagement, plan a wedding, etc.

Why is it so important to you that it happen RIGHT AWAY? Are you afraid that if it doesn’t happen soon, it won’t happen at all?

The way you are feeling isn’t healthy, emotionally or physically, nor is it healthy for your relationship.

It is wonderful that you have such a connection with your boyfriend, that you’re in love and that you both want marriage, and being able to talk about it openly is important. However, him being willing to discuss it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s ready for it to happen ASAP. I’m sure there are other factors to consider and perhaps he is just relishing the stage of relationship you guys are in now and thinking toward the future as an “eventually” type thing. And at 11 months of dating, I think that’s perfectly normal, heck, even better than “normal”, as I’m sure some ladies would have loved to be talking about marriage at 11 months in.

One thing is for sure though, and here I agree with @Sunfire: , constantly being angry, fighting, and crying isn’t going to get him to propose any faster. I am sure the girl he fell in love with was happy, bubbly, excited about life, etc, and that’s the girl he wants to marry. Take a deep breath, take a step back, and focus on enjoying HIM, and the RELATIONSHIP, and stop obsessing over the engagement. Otherwise you’ll drive yourself crazy and you might push him away in the process.

If you really feel like you can’t be happy due to this, there may be something deeper going on, and I’d suggest counseling before it gets worse.

ETA: Not that this is entirely relevant, but I actually don’t think all women start planning the wedding as soon as the “L word” pops out. If that was true, I’d have planned about 4 weddings in 4 different relationships by now!

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