Post # 1
I have a good friend I will call John. He was friends with my SO long before I met him and was one of the groomsmen in our wedding recently. He lived with us for about 6 months after him and his girlfriend split up and we have been quite close since. I have absolutely no attraction to this guy, kind of like a brother.The two of us were both craving chinese food so we decided to make a supper date this week, my DH doesn’t like chinese so he wasn’t interested in coming.
At work today i mentioned that i was going out for supper with my friend John and everyone was shocked. They all (about 10 people) said they would never go out for supper with someone of the opposite sex with out their spouse.
In my mind, it is kind of sad that people don’t trust their spouses enough to have friends of the ooposite sex. clearly though, i am the different one in this case, not the norm.
So tell me, would you go out to eat with a friend of the oposite sex? Would you mind if you SO did?
Post # 3
@WillowTreeWade: Once in an exclusive relationship, I wouldn’t go on anything remotely resembling a date, (with another man) but I tend to avoid grey areas in life as much as possible. To each their own. 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I’m not sure if I would – I don’t really have any guy friends that I am close to who aren’t closer to my husband. If I’m invited, it’s because SO was invited first. In theory I’d be fine with it, but just hasn’t happened in practice.
My husband has gone out to dinner with one of our friends alone (later on she was a bridesmaid, and ended up dating a groomsman!) and I didn’t think of it as weird at all. I had to work late, she wanted to hang out, he wanted to hang out… no biggie.
Post # 5
Yea, we both would be fine with that. It’s okay to do things apart and not everything between people of the opposite sec has to be interpreted as sexual in some way. It’s also nice to do things with someone who might enjoy them more than your SO would. Honestly, I can’t see the arguments against this.
Post # 6
I just can’t imagine being so insecure in my relationship that being with someone of the opposite sex in a public space for an hour or two would be unsafe. I guess I just don’t understand. Is it about something other than trust that I am not seeing?
Post # 7
I think it depends on the situation… In your case both you and your SO know and obviously trust “john” so I’d be fine with that. If it was someone my SO didn’t really know then I don’t think it’s appropriate
Post # 8
I have one or two close male friends that I’ve been friends with for years (long before I knew my SO). So yes, I’d go out to dinner with them, no problem. I would, however, find it odd if my SO went out to dinner with a female only because he doesn’t have any close female friends. I think certain people are “grandfathered” in and it’s ok. New people though? That’s a little sketchy…
Post # 9
@WillowTreeWade: I used to go out with 3 of my guys friends to the bar every Tuesday night to catch up and drink cheap pints. Sometimes it’d be just two of us due to conflicting schedules. FI was still living 2 hours away at the time but he didn’t care one single bit. When he moved in with me we continued the tradition for quite a few months, but eventually we all became too busy or worked too early of hours to be leaving the house at 8-9pm for a couple beers.
If FI had any close female friends I wouldn’t care. And I’d have no right caring otherwise I’d be a giant hypocrite.
Post # 10
Pick it up and eat at your place with FH? That is probably what I would do.
However, since DH is invited and simply chooses to not go, I don’t see the issue. I think it is weird if you were like “no, this is my friend date time with John and DH isn’t allowed to come.” My FI hangs out with a few of my female friends during the week while I am away for work. I think it’s fine. As long as your DH is ok with it, I don’t see an issue.
Post # 11
People are dumb, you can go to dinner with anyone you’d like. You’re married, not conjoined twins.
Post # 12
The judgement is going to pour on both sides of this. Most people will say you are either
1. Untrusting/insecure if you have a poblem with this or
2. Inappropriate/asking for trouble.
Quit honestly both of them are very extreme. As far as what works in my relationship-neither one of us have friends of the opposite gender that we are close enough to go to meals on our own. Most of the time when we get together with friends we are all in a big group-guys, girls, couples, etc.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
Yes, I have done this before and so has DH. To each their own. I know many people are not okay with this within their own relationships and I guess as long as both parties agree then that is okay by me.
I just know that I could not personally be in a relationship where my husband had a problem with me going out with one of my guy friends.
Post # 14
@WillowTreeWade: One of my absolute best friends is a dude. We used to go out for dinner and drinks, just us, semi-frequently. He had a GF and I was with FH. Neither SO had a problem with it and now he is just as good friends with my FH so we are all going out tonight. In my opinion, there isn’t anything wrong with it, and I wouldn’t care what anyone other than my FH thought.
Post # 15
I’d be fine with it, esp since it’s so clearly platonic–this guy was a groomsman in your wedding, for goodness’ sake! My dh has hung out with my bff when I was out of town or busy, and has grabbed meals with his friend who happens to be female, etc etc. No biggie at all!
Post # 16
@spezia: + 1
I have no problems having lunch with a male friend. And my fiancé doesn’t care at all. I have a very good male friend whom I met through my fiancé, even though they were never very close. He jokes that this friend is my “other husband.”
I would be a little unnerved if my fiancé suddenly told me he was having lunch with a girl, other than reasons of study groups, because he isn’t close with any girls.