Going SO CRAZY waiting, please help!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

You sound a lot like me! I know how it feels and I totally understand how crazy-making this whole waiting thing can make you. The only advice I really have is to just enjoy your relationship as it is and keep yourself busy. I know it’s easier said than done, but I’ve been trying to keep busy with work and my hobbies as much as possible..so I don’t even have the time to think about it. Coming onto these boards helps a lot too, as a lot of people are in the same situation as you. Good luck and just try not to think about it! I’m sure it will happen sooner than you think.

Post # 4
Member
23 posts
Newbee

Gosh parts of this post sound like me! Sorry for long response but hope it helps –

 

me and my SO have been together 5 1/2 yrs also and were mid 20’s . My breaking point was when my SO’s brother and his girlfriend got engaged after dating for just over 2 years I went from ‘waiting patiently’ to waiting very impatiently. I also had all the feeling of it meaning our future engagement would be seen as copying them etc.

 

Finally my lovely sweet caring guy also finds it so hard to get his act together. I know he means well and has great intentions but he rarely gets everything into place to make them actually happen.

 

basically I FEEL YOUR PAIN

 

I haven’t got too much advice as I’m struggling with exactly the same thing but all i can say is your not alone and as hard as it is I’m sure once it does happen this whole ‘waiting’ period will fade into nothing and you wont understand why you were so worked up (at least that’s what I keep telling myself)

 

Also if your guys is as similar to my guy as he sounds, putting pressure on him is completely the wrong way to go (and this is where I always slip up) I know just how easy it is to get mad and say ‘why haven’t you done this’ and criticize BUT I have to keep telling myself to be really encouraging and vocally very grateful when he does get his stuff together and do things right and lay off him when he messes up – other bee’s may not agree but I know that my guy just get’s completely disheartened when he messed up with organizing/planning and already feels bad about himself in these situations so if I then complain he just starts to think ‘what’s the point in even trying I’m just going to let you down and fail’

 

Good Luck and try and push all thing engamnet/wedding related out of your mind as much as possible and try and hold off all the negative/complaining thoughts and really vocalize all happy grateful ones – all much easier said than done… I know!!

 

Post # 5
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@ladylazarus:  Waiting can be SOOOO HARD!!  I know!  I’ve posted many times about it, feel free to read my previous posts lol! 

It’s also really getting to me because I need to apply for a job or at least something to do in this year before I begin my Masters, and I don’t feel like I can in case I get in the way of this elusive, probably non-existent holiday!

That part stuck out to me the post.  Please do not hold yourself back in life because you are waiting on a proposal!! 

 

I know it can be hard, for me personally, I am waiting to take my GRE and get my masters (I graduated in August), because SO I want def want to leave the state we live and he should be graduating either in Dec or April.  I want to be able to claim residency vs. out of state tuition, so I feel like this is a little hiccup but heck no I’m not waiting for a proposal to go back to school.  IMO you should not wait to get a job.  It will work out, you will be able to have time off even if you take a quick romantic weekend vacation proposals happen when they are supposed to.

 

Good Luck and hang in there…You are not alone!!

Post # 6
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ladylazarus:  I really think the only way to keep this from making you nuts is to actually talk to him.  When is the last time you talked about your future plans?  I think it’s time to sit him down and say, I know we talked about getting married this summer and I was wondering if we’re still on track for that. 

Is it possible that he’s still saving for a ring?  If you were sort of anti-marriage up until just a few months ago, he’s just now starting to put the money away. 

I know this is so much easier said than done, but try to remember that you’re not running out of time.  You’re so young, you have so much time ahead of you, and if it doesn’t happen this summer, it will happen the next. 

In the meantime, pursue your own hobbies and live your own life.  Get the job you need, do not put your life on hold waiting for a proposal that may or may not come in the timeframe you’re expecting. 

Post # 7
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

Aw, you’ve come to the right place at least!

My SO’s brother recently proposed to his girlfriend which has actually sparked a bit more conversation between us regarding proposals so maybe it’s not a bad time to talk about it? Personally I wouldn’t be able to plan a wedding that quickly and I think he needs to know that, but also make it clear that you’re not trying to be pushy. Also, like others have said, make sure you are still working towards your own goals and try not to let your life be taken over by waiting.

You both sound dedicated, so at least you don’t have to worry about that aspect of your relationship. I hope you have some better waiting days ahead! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I feel your pain! It’s hard when you want to plan ahead but have no idea what’s ahead! I am the type of person who likes planning as well and it’s really hard to give up that control.

However I agree that you really shouldn’t put your life on hold waiting for a proposal. People work and are getting engaged all the time! It’s not one or the other 🙂 If he wants to make it happen he can figure it out. Or erhaps if he sees yuo’re getting a job and he has this whole surprise trip planned he will be forced to actually do something and tell you not to get a job…just yet. If anything it could make things move and would show him that you’re not just patiently waiting on him.

Good luck 🙂

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