(Closed) Going through a rough time with FI=-/ advice?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m a little concerned as to why he’s suddenly sleeping all the time. Have you asked?

Post # 5
Member
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MsPiggy:  What did he have to say about the make it or break it cruise and taking a break?

It’s strange behavior for sure, especially if he’s always been there for you, been prompt, and trustworthy etc… NOt showing up whatsoever for a plan and not communicating until 5 hours after the fact isn’t just “not trying” its flat out disrespectful and not how you treat people. Have you sat him down and talked to him at all about what his deal might be? The sleeping a lot thing is interesting… I wonder if he’s battling a bit of depression, or even Mono! Is he bailing and being a pain because he can’t seem to get out of bed? or is he just being lazy? It seems like there might be other factors at play here

To answer your question though, yes we all have our ups and downs, but this seems somewhat extreme. Even when DH and I fought/fight we still show up, we just show up mad 😉

Post # 6
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Fi and i have gone though times like this. We try and focus on each other and have “date nights” when we feel like we aren’t paying each other enough attention.  We will be going to counselling as well. 

I would say if you love our FI, and you want to make it work, then you both need to fight for each other. If you need counselling so you can both gain new tools, then thats fine. I wouldn’t throw in the towel so quickly. 

Post # 7
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t know….seems like you’ve already got a plan and an exit strategy….it’s sad that it’s gone so far downhill for you two.  I like that saying, “You don’t throw something away just because it’s broken.”. But he has to do his part too, just don’t distract yourself with a third party right now, you guys got this far together, that deserves something and you never fix a relationship by bringing someone else into it.  I hope it works out one way or the other!

Post # 8
Member
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MsPiggy:  I go to their house at like 1 in the afternoon and they are all still in bed with no intention of getting up.

If this is the case and they really just sleep a lot, he doesn’t have sleep apnea or anything else that physiologically makes him tired. Then a whole new question comes into play which is can you REALLY imagine spending your life with someone who lays in bed all day? What about when you have kids? Will you get up with them and he just lays around? OY!

Post # 9
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@strawbs:  This concerned me as well.  Is it possible he has a medical problem that’s making him tired all the time?  Or maybe he is sleeping all day to avoid dealing with something. (ETA:  OP i see you’ve already addressed this question)

I’m sure it felt great to get attention from another guy since you aren’t getting it from your boyfriend.  I would definitely think long and hard about this.  If you are seriously toying with the idea of seeing other people, I would take that as a sign that maybe you’re ready to move on from this relationship.  If he doesn’t try and stop you…well, that might be the answer you need.

I’m not so sure how the “make or break it” cruise idea is going to work out.  It could potentially be one awkward cruise.  Good luck and I’m hoping for the best for both of you!

Post # 11
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

@MsPiggy:  

ok– (1) take the attention  from the guy at the club scenario off of the table. Think of how wonderful/exhilerating/fun your FI was at one point and remember that the “new guy” carries his own set of baggage down the line. Sure– maybe you DO need to date other people, but you and your FI need to figure that out. Not you and this other person ( whoever it may be) and your FI last

(2) I would have him see a doctor about depression, check testosterone levels, check possible thyroid issues. It could be something more serious

(3) I think the cruise would be a great way to get together, get alone and communicate your feelings to him.

Post # 12
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would be really upset, too.  I think it’s really unacceptable if he doesn’t have a “good” reason (aka he has some diagnosed sleep disorder).

I would be very concerned about all the sleeping. Is he depressed? Doing drugs?  My friends FI started falling asleep all the time, mid conversation and just sleeping a lot more and not responding and it turns out he was taking pills (and is now on methodone maintenance from it).  I’d really encourage him to go see a doctor or to tell you what is going on.

What was his reaction to the idea of the break?

Post # 14
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MsPiggy:  I don’t know if you know this, but sleeping too much can actually make you feel exhausted all day. I know we all love to sleep in and stuff, but it can end up pretty detrimental to your productive plans of the day.

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