- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
My husband and I married in May 2012 and I was always so happy and excited to marry him because I thought he was the man of my dreams. Since the beginning when when started dating I always said I never wanted a church wedding with people but a private ceremony just the two of us on a beach for example. This was because I don’t like showing public displays of affection and most of all because to me vows and the promises you make on your wedding day are intimate and not to be seen by others. I know that other people don’t agree with this but it’s how I feel. Despite him knowing this for 3 years before we got engaged he still wanted the church wedding as he wanted his parents there and his dad to conduct the ceremony as he is a vicar. It wasn’t what I wanted and I spent months crying about it but as I wanted to marry him so I stupidly went ahead with it.
I walked down the aisle grumpy, said my vows with no meaning and whilst doing so I thought to myself this is a massive mistake. I then cried in the car to the reception venue, cried at the airport whilst going on honeymoon, cried on the plane, you can see where this is going…
We’ve had many arguements/discussions about the wedding day since and finally 6 months on my husband admits that he regrets going ahead with it and part of the reason he did do it was to please his parents. He admitted that he chose his parents happiness over mine. Even though he has apologised and I know he is sincere it still hurts, even typing this now makes me cry.
My problem is I can’t get over it even now that he has sincerely apologised. I don’t love him the same way as I did before the wedding because he turned out not to be the man I thought he was. But, at the same time he still is a great man and he looks after me, loves me and will make a great dad. I feel awful that I never tell him anymore that I love him lots etc because I don’t feel like I do. Day to day we have a great relationship and the only thing that ever spoils my mood is when I am reminded of a wedding either mine or someone elses. I know wedding days are not supposed to be perfect thats not what I was ever after. All I wanted was an intimate ceremony making my promises to my future husband and I feel like I have been robbed of that.
We are planning to renew our vows on our anniversary this time on a beach just the two of us. But part of me feels like I don’t even want to marry him again because he put me 2nd. I just want all these negative feelings to go away and I have no idea how to do that. Has anyone else had a problem like this?