Post # 1
Hey bees! I love skimming through these boards on a rainy day, yall are such a great community!
So I’ve never been to a “friend” wedding before (I’ve been to a cousin’s wedding with my family, but that doesn’t count, haha)…and none of my close friends are in that ‘getting married stage. So just need some ettiquette advise!!
Background: I’ve been dating this guy about 2.5 months, and he’s the best man at a wedding this weekend. We’re semi official…last weekend he went to an out of town bachelor party and I was kind of irritated that he didn’t text me that often to check in, but we never had the ‘what are we’ talk…and people, including his side, were starting to wonder what we were (we hang out like 4 nights a week on average). Anyway, the day after he came back from the bachelor weekend, he basically said “I heard you were worried because we didn’t have a label, I didn’t know we were teenagers and needed that, but hunny, you want to go out with me??” (he’s a super sarcastic person…and it’s clear he kind of assumed we were, but in this day and age you can’t just assume…) The whole thing was kind of laughed off though, so still not 100% sure what we are officially, or what either of us really want long-term. By the way, we’re both mid 20s
So in a couple days is this wedding…I’ve hung out with the couple a few times and should know at least some people there. It’s going to be an outdoor wedding on a plot of open land…the whole party is wearing boots….he mentioned the other day “yeah so you’re going right??” I’m like “sure…what do I wear to this?” he’s like “I don’t know I’m not a girl..just like a dress” Then he mentioned that I’ll probably have to sit with all the ‘girlfriends” because he’ll be at the head table as best man all night. So is it common at a country type wedding to have a ‘head table’? Will I really never get to see him and just kind of be left to my own devices? The people I’ll know are pretty much all groomsmen and the couple….So how awkward is this going to be? And is this a semi-big step for him to bring me to this as a date…should I be mindful of how he introduces me?
Haha I just don’t know how this whole “getting serious” stage works, and I’m reading into everything…my last relationship lasted many many years so I haven’t dealt with this for awhile, especially now being older.
Post # 3
A nice summer dress should be fine, I’d personally bring a cardigan in case it gets chilly though. Nothing too tight or too short and you’ll be good to go. I’d probably wear flats if it’s going to be in a field.
Don’t stress too much, just be social and be nice 🙂 It’s a good way to meet his friends, and see what they’re like. You’ll be left to your own devices for dinner, but for the dancing and all that, you’ll be with him.
Post # 4
@MariContrary: Thanks for your response! At first I was worried about it being too hot, but now you’re right, I’m more worried about it being a little chilly (and I’ll be wearing the aroma of bug spray…haha very sexy stuff)
I’m definitely excited to see if he’s a dancer, lol. I just hope he doesn’t get too trashed ;/
Post # 5
I think it’ll be semi awkward, but just because it’s in the newish stage and I’m assuming you don’t know many people, but I would expect it to only be like that at first and then you’ll settle in. I would think it’s a decently good sign that he’s asked you to be his date, so I’d take that as a good sign, but I wouldn’t pay too much attention to how he introduces you. If he says “this is my girlfriend” be happy, if he says “this is my friend” I wouldn’t worry since the label has yet to be established. If you get along well with his friends then that bodes well for the future, so make the most of it and don’t overthink it 🙂
Post # 6
@ThatOneGirl9613: Thanks 🙂
I do have another question…if he’s in the bridal party, won’t that basically mean I have to go separately? What do dates of bridal parties do during the pictures and stuff?
Post # 7
@sweetgirl1234: You’ll be left to your own devices for the day leading up to the wedding and during pictures. Maybe you can mingle during cocktail hour, or if your not comfortable you could probably take off after the ceremony and come back for dinner. Personally I’d stay and socialize during cocktail hour (presuming there is one).
Did he just invite you a couple days ago to the wedding?
Anyway, weddings are super fun.. You should have a blast! Let us know!
Post # 8
@sweetgirl1234: My BF is one of the groomsmen for a wedding we are going to next month and I am his date for the wedding. For pictures and things like that, I will just be by myself. During pictures, I will probably just sit in the pews and watch. At the reception, I will probably be sitting next to people I don’t know and basically fending for myself while BF handles his groomsman duties.
It’ll be a little awkward but don’t worry, your date won’t have to do his groomsman thing ALL night! You’ll have fun, with or without him. Who doesn’t love weddings? They’re always fun and/or entertaining 🙂
Post # 9
@FortiesFlare: Like I said, I have no idea how weddings work as this will really be my first one. I was assuming already I wouldn’t see him tonight because of the rehersal dinner.
He’s the kind of guy that doesn’t plan things, which drives me nuts. Wehn we first started dating he’d mention ‘my best friend’s wedding in May….if we’re still together you’ll probably be my +1″…and when he brought up the wedding the other day I’m like “so I’m going to that?” He’s like “umm yeah, we’ve talked about it!” (not really haha). So basically now I have no idea what plans are tomorrow for the wedding day! Yay! And honestly, I have a huge deadline today/tomorrow so I’m really more worried about that right at the moment and getting that done before the wedding….alhtough I’m not even 100% sure what time it’s at? Ugh new relationships
Post # 10
@LadyBlackheart: Thanks for advise!! It’s nice to know other girls out there awkwardly fending for themselves while the groomsmen do their thing 🙂
Post # 11
You’ll have some time fending for yourself but there will be PLENTY of time with your guy!
Consider the time at dinner a great time to get to know some of his friends girlfriends… if you two make a go of things, they might be people you’ll be spending time with occasionally! Even if you don’t… you might make a new friend or two!
Post # 12
Sorry for the stream-of-consciousness of this post, I’m just crying and emotional right now…
Might not be going after all…after not contacting me really all day, he texts me at 2am daying ‘what you doin?” I said I was hanging out at home…what about you?” “just got home from the bars” (he was at the rehersal dinner and then I guess when out…not sure why he wouldn’t have invited me to the bars:/ ) Anyway so then he calls..drunk (Tangent: i’m not going to lie, I’m irritated about because he definitely has a drinking problem and has had two major dehydration issues in the last month because of it…and this last week he’s been legitimately scared he was going to die in his sleep). He’s only called me like 2 times before ever. Convo started out okay…then he asks if I’m coming tomorrow…….Keep in mind I have NO idea what the plans are…am I driving myself? Going with him? Either way, he NEVER told me a concrete time that he started (only a “I think it’s at 5”) and definitely never said the address…….so I answered “coming where?” (I meant that as a where..your house in the morning? coming with you? coming in general?) and he’s like “really are you serious?” and I’m like “babe I need a when, a where..” then he HANGS UP. The convo was like 4 mins long.
I text him “way to hang up…are you trying to make me sad?” and he answers “so you are serious right now wow whatever” so I answer “why would you hang up on me? why are you so mad? …you’re making me cry now so thanks” and he answered “well I guess i’m an asshole” I said “no I never thought you were, but I’m wondering what you’re thinking…I wanted to see you tomorrow but now I guess you don’t want to…I hope you sleep well”
And that was it. I don’t know what to do honestly. One time when I had only been seeing him for about 3-4 weeks he got really drunk, called me, basically said some bad things, then hung up. The next morning he texted me “did I call you??” And I explained what he said and he said he thought I would end it then.
So tomorrow could be the same..he blacked this out..but has the texts to read. Or maybe this wasn’t a blackout and we’ll just end it. I’ve been struggling with his drinking…typical girl “oh I can change him!!!” but clearly the last week of him literally being scared to death he was going to die in his sleep wasn’t enough to get him to moderate drinking tonight.
I’m attached to him, but I can’t do this again. I’m thinking if I don’t go to the wedding tomorrow, I’m done.
Sorry for the rant…I can’t sleep!!!!!! 🙁 🙁
Post # 13
Your boy sounds like a douche nozzle. He’s emotionally immature and a poor communicator. I don’t know why, as a society, we hold men to such low standards. Give yourself until your 30s – you’ll stop being willing to put up with any and all BS.
Post # 14
Bunny, I’m sorry you’re sad.. But you’re not committed to anything here,, run for thills and save yourself years of pain.
Post # 15
+1 to btoh of you.
Don’t go. What the hell was that? You deserve respect and that is not given to you.
Post # 16
TO @sweetgirl1234: You sound like a “sweet girl”… so I was reading this post from the beginning with much joy & optomism for you (and this relationship). Honestly the Wedding sounded like it was going to be fun…
And as a resident “Etiquette Snob” here on WBee was all set to give you some great info on what to expect regarding this event…
Then I realized that of course that you were writing on Thursday & Friday… and the Wedding was actually today (Saturday).
But I kept reading…
That is when I got to the bit about the Drunk & Dial Phone Call… and is innappropriate means of talking to you… RUDE and not respectful. And how you revealed he has a “Drinking Problem” ** … and my heart sunk.
** Drinking Problem as in… drinks too much. Blacks Out / Passes Out. Get Dehydrated… Afraid they’ll die in their sleep / ends up in the Hospital… kind of Drinking Problem.
Honest hon, this all sounds waaaay too familiar to me. As I was married to an Abusive Alcoholic for over 20 Years.
What starts out at binge drinking (not drinking every day… but excessive amounts on weekends, out with the guys etc) can spiral into a serious life-threatening problem…
This is H3LL for the Drinker (“Why did I do that”) and H3LL for their loved ones… in that you cannot save them (or protect them from the alcohol or themselves)
Loving someone with such a serious “Drinking Problem” is not fun… it is heartbreaking. And such a series of pain and headaches…
Of course if it was continual bad… most of us would be gone early on. But it isn’t. In between the binges can be wonderful moments, adventures and loving apologies.
Until the next time.
My BEST ADVICE…
Save your heart. Get out now. Go find someone much much better for you… cause you deserve more.
((( HUGS )))
Hope this helps,
Hopefully you haven’t caved (and forgiven him) and are at this Wedding as his date… but rather out enjoying the day doing something wonderful for yourself. And will be reading my reply shortly