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We are in a looonnng dry spell. Before Thanksgiving! We have been working with a couples therapist for about a month. We just found out I have to have carpal tunnel surgery, and now find out his parents are both sick and in their 80s and refusing care. They live some distance away. He just got a promotion, I recently started producing more at my sales job, so life is mixed. I do wonder when "it" will ever happen again.
If the problem is more deep-seated than convinence, maybe you need to look deeper, evaluate your relationship and figure out the real problem and how to fix it. You don't want to end up married and sexless for the rest of your life!
What if you initiated sex? Going to bed and waiting will only get you so far. You could interrupt his game. ;-)
@MissHoneyBun: I've tried that and it seems hit or miss. Plus, when I initiate, he expects me to do ALL the work and I hardly get any foreplay to really get me going. I think the problem is not even so much wanting sex as wanting to be wanted/seduced. You know?
@MissHobbit: I'm all for morning sex but again, different schedules. Even on the weekends, we're not waking up at the same time and we like to sleep so much that if one of us tries to initiate intimacy, the other is usually not very responsive.
I think maybe you should pull the plug on his games or watch something together instead of him watching things alone. If you are completely seperate in your routines all night, I can understand why there is never a moment for the two of you to be together. Do something to shake up your routine and see if that helps. If not, I think the two of you need to consider couple's therapy or something similar to see if you can work through this.
My BF and I are the exact same way too. I go to bed earlier, sometimes I will read in bed first before sleeping and he stays up playing video games or watching tv. The solution we found was before we do our own things we will have sex. Or also we work it in during the day on weekends.
If the problem really is you do all the work and he doesn't do anything. Well don't do it give him a tease then stop and tell him it's your turn, he might respond then.
Good luck I know it's not easy when you have different sleep patterns.
There are lulls and high energy points in every relationship. 3 weeks isn't really a terrible amount of time, he might just be in a veg out kind of mood lately.
@iheartnerds: I know exactly how you feel when you say I think the problem is not even so much wanting sex as wanting to be wanted/seduced. SO is also a gamer and I learned that I had to tell him specifically what I wanted in that regard. Thankfully we got over the "games feel more important than me" hump, but I know how frustrating and hurtful it is. I think making a list of specifically what you want and then having a sit-down-look-at-each-other conversation about the entire thing, maybe progress can be made. I hope things work out!
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I seriously can't remember the last time we had sex. I think it's been two or three weeks, which I know isn't that bad compared to some, but it still sucks! I feel like our relationship is so much happier and healthier when we're being intimate regularly, but it seems like we never make it a priority. We're on totally different schedules. Almost every night, I go to bed alone and he follows several hours later, when he's done playing his video games or watching shows on Netflix. He says he wants sex, but almost always chooses his games over me. Sigh.
I'm not really looking for anything with this post. Just needed to vent a little bit.