Post # 1
This is a big deal, since she radically dislikes me and we’ve had lots of trouble. So I’ve got a question for all you: does my FI hold the chair out for his mother or me first? We’re not married yet, so I assume his mother takes precedence? She’s super, super sensitive about everything and I don’t want her to think 1) that FI loves her more than me or 2) FI doesn’t care about her at all by seating me first. And for more information: she doesn’t know any etiquette and won’t be expecting him to hold a chair out for either one of us.
Post # 3
If she doesn’t know the etiquette, could you just skip having your Fi pull out chairs for either of you? I am assuming that this is something he regularly does for you, but if his mom is not used to it, it might start the evening off on a weird track. Anyway, my philosophy is always to avoid drama wherever possible, and just not pulling out any chairs would nicely avert the situation. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
I agree with Mrs. Spring. If this is not something she expects, just skip it! No need to give her one more thing to dislike you over!
Post # 5
I was going to say the same thing, skip the chair pulling and you’ll avoid what could be potential drama since you say she is super sensitive.
Post # 6
If you’re going to a really nice restaurant, the Matre D will pull out a chair for the ladies, starting with the eldest, just so you know. So if the Matre D pulls out a chair for her, your FI could pull out yours. Otherwise avoid it!
I would just make it a point to sit first. I always like to avoid this by pulling out my own chair. Usually the Matre D then grabs it from me. But my FI will help me off with my jacket if needed. But it’s also springy, so no worries there. If you start pulling chairs out for her, she’ll start expecting it, then wonder why at some point down the road he doesn’t do it any more!
Just look awesome tonight and don’t give her any cannon fodder! If you’re super nice all night, she can’t say that you were a B to her or anything. Boy I wish you luck tonight. Sorry your FMIL hates you! I hope she warms up to you soon. It’s not like her obvious distaste of you makes it any easier for you and your FI!
Post # 7
Okay, good advice! I’ll just sit down; it sounds so simple, doesn’t it?
I just don’t know what to do with her. I try really hard to be nice, inoffensive, and then she’ll complain that I wore high heels.