(Closed) Going to talk to my SO but need help deciding how to best say this.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What is the best way to say this?
    Don't say anything at all - you're pushing too hard. : (6 votes)
    15 %
    Don't say anything at all - you don't want to ruin the surprise. : (10 votes)
    25 %
    What you wrote here is perfect. : (8 votes)
    20 %
    You should say something else (advice below). : (16 votes)
    40 %
  • Post # 3
    46262 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I understand that you don’t want to blow the surprise if he plans to propose in the next two weeks, but you already said that he knows about the meeting and he knows that being engaged or not being engaged may affect your placement.

    If you don’t want to blow the surprise ( if he may have a proposal planned) then I would just not bring the subject up and let the chips will fall where they may.

    If you want to reinforce the timeline, then I would remind him of the meeting date, and ask him to help you priorize other cities if your preferences are given any consideration.

    Post # 4
    6533 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Don’t be vague, be blunt.

    Honey, I’ve got 2 weeks beofre the meeting where my internship placement is decided. If I don’t have a permanant reason (ie: spouse, kids, etc) I have no control over where I’m placed.  My internship is 1 year, and I will have to move away. I don’t want to rush you or ruin any potential surprise, but I need to know where we stand. If you aren’t ready to get engaged I respect that, but you need to be prepared that I will be moving away.

    FWIW, a friend of mine had a similar thing happen in college. They were both graduating and she flat out told her boyfriend that she was going to start interviewing for jobs and without a permanant commitment she would go wherever she got a job offer. He proposed, and the rest is history. It wasn’t a rush or scare tactic, but she wasn’t going to give up a job offer if he wasn’t interested in moving forward. 

    Post # 5
    8042 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @sweet5k:  If he doesn’t propose by the time you have that interview, can you just say that you’re engaged? Are you living together?

    I’m not usually a fan of lying, but if you’re thisclose to getting engaged, then that would really suck if you had to move far away at this point.

    I would talk to him, just do it in a non confrontational kind of way… like “I’m worried about the interview in 2 weeks, I really hope that we aren’t split up”.

    Post # 7
    2497 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @starfish0116:  +1

    As much as I love a good surprise, it’s important that I have control over my future when it comes to my career.

    Post # 8
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    No surprise would be worth being separated from my SO for a year if it could be easily avoided.

    If your guy wants to marry you, he should man up and propose already.

    Post # 9
    2874 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    i think you’ve covered everything already though. he knows unless he proposes there is a good chance you will have to move away. he knows when the meeting is/ Since he hasn’t forgotten either of these things i don’t think you should bring it up again.

    if hes ready, he’ll propose beforehand. if not, you might have to go long distance. i think bringing it up again would be pushy. what you wrote that you could say isnt vague at all, its a more diplomatic ‘i thought we’d be engaged by now, why aren’t we’

    Post # 10
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I’m big on direct and honest.  If you hush up your feelings for fear of awkwardness you’re only going to confuse yourself and end up with hurt expectations if your SO doesn’t read your mind.


    Planning for your future is smart.  If your SO is something you would like in your future plan you should definitely try discussing what this means in terms of big decisions like this!

    Post # 11
    1165 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Don’t bother saying anything if you’re going to be vague. Be blunt or go home, there’s no point in pussyfooting around the topic.

    Don’t accuse him of having second thoughts. Just lay out the facts. His second thoughts, or lack thereof, will be obvious depending on his response.

    Also, how sure are you that being engaged will have any bearing on your placement? From what you said, that spouses are prioritised, it doesn’t sound like an engagement will solve your problem. Maybe your bf is thinking of it that way?

    Post # 13
    5663 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I voted you should say something else because I think you should be direct, not vague. I think you should tell him you are concerned about the upcoming interview, because you did not have evidence of a solid plan between you yet. That you don’t want to push him if he is having doubts or is not ready, but you want to lay it on the table that xxx is coming up, and xxx is a real possibility if you are not able to give what they consider a good reason to give you priority. I don’t think you should ever just beat around the bush with important things, because when the person on the other end doesn’t pick up what you were trying to say you end up in a bad situation in the end. In my opinion, the only person who can ruin the surprise is him. By saying “well now you ruined the surprise because i blah blah blah blah”. A smart man would tell you to trust that he knows what he’s doing. And then he would propose.

    Post # 15
    6745 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think you can just say something like this, “My interview is in 2 weeks and unless I’m engaged by then, I won’t be able to tell them that I have a good reason for staying here.  I don’t want to ruin a surprise, but I want to make sure you remember that I need to be engaged in 2 weeks or they could send me elsewhere.”

    This way, you tell him to make sure it’s done in 2 weeks without you asking him if it’s going to happen and ruining the surprise.  You’ll know in 2 weeks if he’s done it or not. Maybe this will be his way of telling you, “Shit, I ordered a ring and it hasn’t come in yet and that’s why I haven’t done it yet, I’m freaking out, but didn’t want to tell you” or something. 

    I also agree w/ a PP though – if you’re really close to being officially engaged, you can always just say you are. 

    Post # 16
    6745 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @sweet5k:  YAY!  Congrats!  I had a feeling there was something with the ring.  Those things don’t always come so fast!  🙂

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