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shhh I keep this on the DL but we did this when I lost my job! It will also be a nice tax return right before our wedding, AND- we got discounts on car insurance! woot! We didn't tell ANYONE except doctors/employers and my mom... no wedding guests know! I get nervous just admitting it since we want to keep it secret.
I guess I am a traditionalist because I wouldn't do it. I guess in my mind it would take something away from the actual wedding, but thats just me,
Right now my BF has a great job with really good benefits and i have a good job with expensive benefits lol. I feel like it will just be an added perk when we finally do get married :)
Thinking about doing it as FI is military... Sometimes I worry that it will take away from the actual wedding day, though, so I'm still on the fence. I guess it's not like you'd have to exchange vows or wedding rings, and nobody would be there to witness, so it's not like you're REALLY getting married, but I know what you mean. However, I think healthcare IS a good enough reason! It's a scary thing not having health insurance, and it might make everyone relax a little more.
You could do this in secret ;o)
When we were having issues with getting married in the Catholic church, we were going to do a quickie ceremony in the church the Friday before the wedding. My mom thought it would take away from the wedding day but I didn't care. You could totally do this and not tell anyone.
I agree with her sentiment... you need to do what FEELS right for your situation. we were already living together with a joint bank account so nothing really "changed." Now we just can't wait to be able to say 'husband/wife' to someone besides a doctor/insurance agent!!! It also felt like a great pre-commitment to our wedding and I am glad we did it.
Ah, tough decision! I think we would have to tell our parents. I don't we could sit on that for 8 months or something!
Oh and I agree, kpugs, we already own a home together, joint bank accounts, have cats together etc :)
I guess that depends on the person...my FI and I discussed going to the JOP prior to going to Jamaica to get married so we wouldn't have to worry in case our paperwork got lost or something in Jamaica. In the end we decided that it would take away from what he has planned for our ceremony. Fortunately we don't have any financial/medical things that we need to consider. You guys have to do what you think is right...if you can sit on that for the 8 months before your actual wedding then go for it...I know I couldn't. I am going to be IN Jamaica calling people after I get married...LOL. International rates be damned!!!
@jaylii9 OH and you have to consider your parents... my mom is very logical and supported us (she's also way out of state with the rest of my family) but his mom would FLIP if she found out we had done it and she wasn't there (I can hear the tears already... guh.... it's ALWAYS about her) so that's why we decided to tell who we did. We mostly aren't telling others BECAUSE it could get back to her! You just have to go on a person by person, situation by situation basis.
I left my job in August, and currently don't have health insurance (eek). We're making it legal in January before our October wedding because I'm just not comfortable about not having health insurance for that long. Our friends know, but our families and parents do not and will not.
I never really blogged about this (no worries, I will soon!), but we actually got legally married at the JOP first, didn't tell anyone, then had the wedding ceremony on our one year anniversary. It was a total spur of the moment elopement, although we were already planning our wedding. It wasn't meant to be a secret at first, but since we didn't tell anyone it ended up being a huge secret. I won't get into ALL the reasons why we eloped, but one of the benefits was that he got all of my military benefits (free healthcare, use of PX/BX, gym, etc.) and I got dependent pay since I was married (which we put towards the wedding). Many peeps still don't know we've actually been married for over a year and a half (rather than just 8 months). ;o)
@Ms Sushi I'm glad you are posting this here since I have a feeling it is WAY more common than anyone thinks! Especially now with this economy. Walking my dog my neighbor down the street told me she and her FI/Husband did that. I bet when you post it a lot of people will ocme out of the woodwork.
I think a lot of people do this and a lot of them don't tell their wedding guests. With the health care situation so screwy in the US, does anybody really have a choice? People get divorced so they can take care of their spouses without being burdened with enormous healthcare bills.
I think I'd do it for immigration reasons or if one of us was military or without health insurance. But otherwise no.
My fiancee wants to do the JOP before the wedding, just to make sure it all goes through legally and correctly, but I refuse. It means something to me that the ceremony that people witness be both our spiritual *and* our legal wedding.
I found out that a close friend who I was bridesmaid for last month didn't actually get legally married at her wedding -- they're going to the JOP sometime later to do that. It really rankled me. I know it's not logical to get pissed about that, and my fiancee thinks it's nuts that it annoys me. But it does.
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I just saw Miss Dachshund's post about making it legal before her wedding in May for immigration reasons. I totally agree that making things legal before the big day is absolutely necessary for immigration purposes, but I am wrestling with whether it makes sense for FI and I to do the same.
FI and I are both employed full time. I work for a hospital and my healthcare plan is great and priced very well. The healthcare plan that FI receives through his employer is not great at all and expensive.
FI has suggested several times that we go to the justice of the peace (JOP) sometime soon and just make things legal now so he can have better healthcare and we can save money. We are still planning our wedding for next September. I agree with him, but have to wonder if healthcare is not a good enough reason to make things legal early. I also worry that our wedding will not feel special or taken seriously by our guests if they know that we made things legal early.
Opinions, ladies? Any bees made it legal early and then had a wedding? Please share!