(Closed) Going to Weddings….. Do you always go?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we Go?
    attend the wedding : (11 votes)
    14 %
    send a gift : (31 votes)
    39 %
    send money : (9 votes)
    11 %
    send something off their registry : (29 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2305 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Generally when couples have a Destination Wedding, they expect it to be a more intimate affair and sometimes use it as a way to help cut down on the number of people attending.

    If it’s a financial stretch for you, and these aren’t super super close friends or family, I don’t think you need to feel obligated to go at all. I’m sure they’ll understand, and may even be expecting it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5208 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @rachelmichelle:  +1

    Very few people who plan a destination wedding expect a decent turnout. Don’t go to weddings that will interfere with your finances.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2000 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I would send a gift but not come to the wedding. I don’t think your and DH’s friends will be offended, I’m sure they realize not everyone can afford taking time off work to travel to their wedding. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    We are having a destination wedding and we are inviting people that we know cannot attend or are unwilling to attend for one reason or another, but out of respect we send invitations.  I would send a gift or give them a gift off the registry and call it a day.

    Post # 7
    Member
    747 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I agree with PPs, given that it is a destination wedding and there will be plenty of people who cannot go for various reasons, it’s completely understandable to not attend. Definitely send a gift though! 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    An invitation is just that – an invitation. It’s not a requirement that you attend.

    If these really are dear friends whose weddings you feel badly about not attending, send a gift and a sweet note and make them feel loved from far away.

    Post # 9
    Member
    889 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    @californiabride2013:  Unless we are extremely close and the destination you’ve chosen is one I have been wanting to visit, I would probably not go.  I seriouly can’t think of anyone i would spend several thousands on unless that was a place i was planning to visit anyway.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    7085 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We have to travel for almost all weddings because we live in a different state than almost all of our family members. However, we would not take a day off of work or fly to a wedding unless we were very close to the couple.

    Post # 11
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @rachelmichelle:  My thoughts exactly. I’m having a Destination Wedding and to be honest, it’s BECAUSE I don’t want everyone to attend. I want something small and intimate and frankly, if someone is not attending my wedding – I would not expect any sort of gift. Sure, a card would be lovely, but I would feel so guilty if anyone gave me a gift without being there.

    Post # 12
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee

    I have only been invited to a few weddings all of which are cross country trips for me but relatively local otherwise. Unless I am going to be eating ramen for months to pay for it or I am not close to the couple inviting me (which I would be really confused about why I was being sent an invitation in the first place) I am going. I have an idealistic view of weddings.When a friend is inviting me I think it says a lot about our relationship and I want to be there to support and celebrate with them on their day. They value our frienship which is shown by them inviting me so I want to show them that I also value it as well by attending. This is my opinion based on the weddings I have been to so far and all of which have been for people I adore. I realize this may not always be the case. For you if you or your DH aren’t close with the couple I wouldn’t worry about going. 

    sidenote: I also have never brought my SO to a wedding with me so the hotel is always split with girlfriends and my expense is generally low. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    @californiabride2013:  Sounds like a lot of destination weddings. I have never missed a wedding, but then again I’ve never really had an invite to a DW. I think that it is perfectly fine to give a gift and not go if you have constraints. Don’t feel guilty.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7463 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If I cant afford the costs of attending a wedding, I get a gift off the registry. 

    People who have DW know that there will be guests that cant make it. 

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