(Closed) Going totally insane and need to vent

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I don’t want to sound mean but I’ve been there in a previous relationship. I think you need to have a serious conversation with him – no one should put you in a position to feel like this – EVER! If you are having doubts about him and what he is doing – those thoughts will probably never go away. Do you really want to feel like that for the rest of your life? Find out what his real intentions are and go from there. If he can’t answer you then he can’t be honest with you and isn’t worth it!

Post # 4
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So is your FI the father of your child?  (I don’t want to sound rude I just wanted to make sure).

Whether or not he is, I think it’s absolutely preposterous that he would call you “petty” for wanting him to delete this woman off his Facebook.  I mean, if she came into your home and threatened you, and you were afraid to see her out in public, I think you had more than enough reason to want her to be totally out of his life also.

It sounds like he is totally blind to the fact that she’s a psycho, and I think you need to have a serious talk with him ASAP about how it makes you feel that he won’t cut contact with her.  He should have your best interest at heart at all times, and it sounds to me like he hasn’t when it comes to this woman.  I think if you don’t have this totally sorted out before the wedding, and your trust in him has not been completely restored, you shouldn’t be marrying him.

Post # 6
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think your anger might be directed at the wrong person here.  You cannot control this woman’s actions.  She is a drug addict and from what you’ve posted here, not completely mentally stable.  She is not thinking logically.

Your FI, however, is neither of these things.  Absent any sort of mental defect or addiction, he has all of his wits about him.  He is perfectly capable of cutting off all contact with this woman but chooses not to, for whatever reason.  Your anger should be directed at him.  He’s the one who owes you something, not her.

Post # 7
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Ugh, so sorry you’ve got to go through this.  I had something similiar (not nearly as bad, though) happen with my FI. 

An old girlfriend found him on FB and started messaging him, texting him, chatting with him online, etc. and I didn’t mind it.  UNTIL she started hitting on him.  Now, I’ve had PLENTY of guys hit on me and go through the whole gambit of innuendos and flirting and he typically wants to punch ’em in the face since I’m not wanting it.  Even when I say there’s nothing to it, he steps in and makes sure the guy bugs off (I’m not asking HOW he does this, and it ain’t through MY accounts, either! love, LOVE his jealousy sometimes, lol). 

Now, when I started voicing my thoughts and concerns, he brushes it off as no big deal.  Well, he promised to delete her if she called him “handsome” one more time.  guess what? SHE DID and he DID NOT delete her!!! he kept chatting with her!!! WTF?!?!? 

Needless to say, I turned and stormed off into the bedroom, curled up in bed, and started reading a book.  Totally ignored him (which he HATES and can’t stand.)  We talked (grudgenly on my part) and he went and deleted her.  The next time, when I wasn’t as peeved (ok, not AS peeved, but still irked with the double-standards), I pointed that it was double-standards and we’d promised to not have that in our relationship.  He apologized, admitted he was wrong, and things smoothed out nicely.  He no longer talks, chats, or messages her and, as far as I know, has cut contact with her.

We’ve been together for 8 years and have had plenty of rough times, including when I was pregnant with his daughter.  ESPECIALLY when I was pregnant with his daughter!  but we’ve managed to work through everything.  probably because we’re too stubborn to not to!

You really need to talk to your FI about this.  It is NOT innocent or something to brush off, especially if it’s making you upset.  He needs to respect you and he isn’t.  Try talking calmly but don’t be afraid to show your feelings.  He needs to know exactly how HIS behavior is affected YOU and if that means yelling, screaming, and crying, by all means! do it!!!   but, um… try doing it calmly first 😉

again, so so sorry you’ve got to go through this!!!  hope you can get it worked out and he ditches ALL contact with this woman.

Post # 8
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I find it bizarre your FI is in contact with a woman who threatened to kill you and your child. I can’t imagine any normal person after that thinking “yes, this is the kind of person I wish to remain friends with.” What is with that??? I don’t think you are being petty or silly for your feelings at all!!!!

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