Post # 1
FI and I have been together for almost 7 years. We’ve been dating since our junior year of high school- 17 years old.
We’ve established a timeline 2 months ago. We have been open to talking about getting engaged, getting married, etc. since what feels like forever, but not as serious when we finally actually set a timeline together. Plus, after seeing many around us getting engaged, constantly seeing FB engagement statuses throughout the summer and his older brother getting engaged a little over 5 months ago, he knew that I was getting sad and that I wanted to just be reassured and refreshed about where we stand as a couple together and when the next few chapters of our life would begin. And after being on the Bee and lurking and learning many things (such as having a timeline!), he agreed that we discuss and talk about having a timeline for ourselves.
Having said all that, we decided that he will be proposing sometime between next December 2013 – March 2014, maybe even between January 2014-March 2014, because he does not want to propose around Christmas time. He thinks it will be a bit too obvious and cliche, and wants to surprise me lol, but then again, knowing him, he’ll throw me off and say things to throw me off LOL. So that’s all we know for now. It’s a long way to go, but I’m happy and feel reassured.
Are there any others who are waiting for a proposal 1-2 years from now? Similar to me? How do you bees deal with this wait? Cuz it is killing me! 🙁 I’m happy and excited, but just feeling ugh. Since after establishing our timeline, I’ve been really trying to be quiet and keeping my mouth shut from constantly talking about getting engaged/proposing/marriage, because I don’t want him to feel pressured and that I’m nagging him, but at the same time it’s so hard to not talk about it! Agh!
SORRY FOR LONG RANT! Please can anyone share words of waiting wisdom? Thank you.
ETA: I know this might not be related to my post, but I did talk to him about ring shopping next year, since he will be proposing within those said months. Like I’ll say how we might need to go to a few stores together to just look around etc. However, he didn’t want to really be open about it and said “don’t worry babe. we just gotta let everything fall into place first ok?” He graduates from university Spring 2013, so we don’t know what his job situation will be like. How does ring shopping work? 🙁 I feel like he doesn’t wanna talk about it at all! Is it too early to talk about ring shopping? When’s the right time to start going?
Post # 3
Wow we are in super similar relationships. Me and SO have been together for 7.5 years now (started in my last year of high school). We also know that we would ger married some day for what seems like forever. WE had our first real talk about getting engaged last christmas. I was getting upset at the thought of a “special present’ that he said he had for me. I realized that i really wanted it to be a ring but i knew it was not and I was driving myself crazy.
So we had a talk and he was a little caught off guard i think. However he explained that he most certainly wanted to marry me someday but that he woudl not be proposing before i finished with law school (he thought it woudl be less stressful for me … hahahaha… right…) Anyways that was almost a year ago now and its another 5 months befgore im done with school.
I have found it compleatly impossible to shut up… its like i have verbal diarrea when it comes to engagments! I have been really trying not to say anyting, because i know that it probably stresses him out as right now a ring is sooooo NOt in the budget, but its really hard. I just keep telling myself that no matter how many comments I makea and how loud i sigh over TV engagments and wedding, its not going to come any faster….. but i wish it would.
Post # 4
I’m still waiting. IDK when its coming. Being patient with SO.
He’s also against proposing at Christmas and Valentine’s day because he said it’s “expected” of men and thinks it’s the worst days to get engaged, very cliche’ lol Like you said, sometimes I think he says these things to throw me off. He’s very convincing.
Post # 5
I’m waiting for a long time – well “sometime” in 2013 and I really do think it could be towards the end of it.
On the one hand it is very exciting to be discussing our marriage all the time (and we do) but on the other hand I am SO EXCITED and wild that this is going to happen. Argh!
I’m trying to be good and NOT bring it up, but he does sometimes and that makes it harder!
Post # 6
OK, well I have been an offical posting waiting bee for 5 months, since June 2012. We will be getting engaed within the next 3-4 months, he first started dropping hints that he wanted to get married 10 months ago, so if you add those 3-4 months that makes my offical wait time will be an approx. 1 year and 2 months. *Nods head* Not bad….
Different strokes for different folks. We have been together 5 years, Me – mid-twenties, him – 30. Living together almost 2 years
I began looking at rings in Feb after the first hint. sent him the first email of ring styles i liked in April. and kicked my wedding porn kick into high drive in July after I met his family (yes it took almost 5 years before i met his family). He brought it up again in October and Put the first payment on the ring 2 days ago.
I did a lot of research on my own, without him. I went to Zales during my lunch hour and tried on rings to figure out what I liked, then researched online here on the Bee and my mom got me on The Knot. I am lucky to have my mom in my corner, she understood I was just gathering information so that I can be a budget conscious bride in the future.
So gather info. draft up an optimal guest list. then make a bare bones minimum guest list. Do a mock-up budget, just so that you can wrap your head around everything THEN figure out how much time you need to execute the blasted thing.
When that is done, put it away and work on achieveing the things you want/need to do before you would want to settle down. SO and I have a list of individual goals/task we have to accomplish before we walk down the isle and legaly bind ourselves to one another.
Post # 7
don’t let it kill you, just enjoy the relationship and try to relax about. You reallydon’t want to spend a year of your life anxious over something that is inevitable
Post # 8
Welcome to waiting! Hopefully you can enjoy anticipating the proposal instead of driving yourself batty the whole time, but let’s be honest, there will probably be some of both… I had the timeline conversation with my boyfriend in October and he said his goal was to be married within 2 years from that conversation. And we’ve always talked about having an engagement that lasted approximately 1 year… So there you go. While it could happen any day now (I mean, technically everyone has that possibility… Maybe our SOs have been really sneaky and are throwing us off their trail!), from subsequent conversations it sounds like it will be closer to the 1-year out mark. We’re waiting to not be so broke and feel like we can afford to get married, support ourselves, have a wedding, etc… and that is feeling like it is SUCH a long ways off right now. Personally, I think meeting that goal in 1 year is unlikely, but then again a lot can happen in a year.
I guess the best piece of advice I can give is to keep an open dialogue, and to try to keep things in perspective; you love each other, you have a good relationship as is! I told my SO that if he needs to change the timing, that’s fine, but to please let me know so I don’t drive myself crazy! I don’t want him to feel pressured, and I certainly don’t want him to feel like something has come up that will necessitate waiting longer, and he doesn’t know how to tell me for fear of disappointing me. You can do some research on your own regarding rings, weddings, etc… And then if/when it does come up, you’ll have some ideas. I brought rings up to my SO a few weeks after we had the timeline converstaion, just to let him know what page I was on with that (I was thinking we could ask my dad for my late mother’s rings). I’m glad I said something, because it turns out he had a family ring he was planning on proposing with! If I’d never said anything, I would assume that the lead-up to a proposal might include scrimping and saving or secret phone calls to a jeweler, and as it happens that won’t necessarily be the case.
I know this can be confusing and frustrating, but follow your gut and have the conversations that you feel like you need to have. And post here whenever you’re having a bad waiting day, everyone is very supportive. Good luck!
Post # 9
@Bookaholic: Omg lol I feel like I have verbal diarrhea as well! Lmao! 🙁
But yeah, I totally feel you. One reason why I know SO wouldn’t wanna talk about proposing and rings is cuz he just doesn’t have the money. And I thought I was the only one!!!! Literally every time I watch tv a damn ring/proposal commercial comes on!!! Especially when SO is watching with me! I sigh loudly too hahaha!!! And he just smiles there!!! D’oh!!
Post # 10
@jmaze: Did you guys ever talk about establishing a timeline?
Haha SO is so convincing as well! Ya, he said Valentine’s Day was cliche too!!!!
Post # 11
I too have been with my SO since I was 17. Six years later at 23 I am really starting to get antsy about getting married or at least getting engaged. SO is done with graduate school and has been working full time for over a year saving up money for a house (he wants a house first, then get married.) According to him, he said he will hopefully be able to buy a house by the middle of next year(2013.)
I am currently not working due to nursing school and I will not be graduating until May 2015 which is a long ways away. Originally we planned on getting married while I was in nursing school, but things don’t always work out as planned I guess! When I asked again whether we would get married during or after nursing school, his response was: can we take it one step at a time first because he needs money for these things to happen, and that he is going to try and get a house this coming year hopefully and then we’ll think about that.
While I don’t want an expensive wedding, I would at least want the ring before I graduate (which I told him.) Like you said, it is so upsetting to see people who have been together for only 2-3 years getting engaged and married, while I’ve been with him for 6 and I don’t even know or have any CLUE as to when we will even get ENGAGED, let alone married.
Unfortunately I don’t see him proposing until I am done with nursing school which is really depressing, but it is out of my hands. I constantly ask him and he always tells me the same thing so I don’t want to get too annoying by bringing it up once a week! What is also annoying is how everyone (friends/family) keep asking “So when are you getting married already?” All I can do is shrug. Oh well.
Post # 12
@CaroBee: Ahh that’s awesome!! Yep, I dunno if my SO is going to propose next December, but if he does, oh man!!! Too excited and going crazy at the same time! LOL
Post # 13
@Sapphire-Dreamer: Thanks so much for your advice! Seriously so helpful. Hmm, if SO does go by the timeline plan that we established, I’d most likely be a waiting bee for the same amount as you have- a year and a few months! I really hope it’s not bad. Lord give me the strength lmao D:
Post # 14
@Darcy212: I’m trying my best to not let it!! 🙁 it’s hard as hell lol
Post # 15
@MadameX: Thank you for welcoming me! 😀
Soooo true. I definitely agree with you that anything can happen in a year. Thank you for your advice! And also about the researching, both you and @Sapphire-Dreamer: . I’m gonna take that into consideration.
Ps: oh yeaaaaah, I’m sooo posting if I ever have a bad waiting day!!! Thank you bees for your support <3 Everyone is so welcoming and supportive on here.
Post # 16
@Stranger516: Omg this. “his response was: can we take it one step at a time first because he needs money for these things to happen, and that he is going to try and get a house this coming year hopefully and then we’ll think about that.”
My SO sooooo sounds like that haha!!! When I bring up engagement he just tries to calm me down haha and says “Babe? I need money first to get a ring, remember? :)” LOL
AND THIS LOL! > “but it is out of my hands. I constantly ask him and he always tells me the same thing so I don’t want to get too annoying by bringing it up once a week! What is also annoying is how everyone (friends/family) keep asking “So when are you getting married already?”
It really is out of our hands! It’s like they have control over one of the most important events in our lives and it drives me crazy! And same with me, I seriously have to hold back and not say anything about engagement and all that, because I don’t want him to keep repeating the same answer that I already know I’m going to get. I think the longest I’ve gone without mentioning anything was like 4 days LOL.