Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I have been married for about a year and a half now. Back when I was engaged I got a lot of advice from married people. Some good, some bad, some just bizarre. So Bees, what is some GOOD marriage advice we can give to waiting/engaged/newlywed Bees?
Here is mine:
Sometimes it’s ok to go to bed angry. I say this because by 1am there is usually nothing good or productive you can add to an arguement in your tired state. Despite the old saying, it’s totally ok to sleep on things sometimes; so you can regroup and talk more calmly in the morning.
Post # 2
snowflake8 : I totally agree with your advice. I’ve always found the idea of not going to be angry stupid. There will be numerous disagreements within the course of a marriage and some of them will be too complex to work through in one day.
I guess mine would be: Choose to love your spouse every day, especially during those times when it isn’t as easy. During the times when it isn’t easy you need to put in more work to find and make the romance and friendship and reminding yourself that you love them will make that easier.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park
Blowjobs can solve most arguments. If it doesn’t solve the arguement then at least he falls asleep and you can take control of the TV.
Post # 4
I guess I look at the not going to bed angry a little differently. I don’t think you should go to bed angry, but that doesn’t mean that you have to stay up all night resolving every disagreement. I just think that you should go to bed with a calm understanding that you’ll continue to work on things in the morning. I don’t believe in slamming the bedroom door and making your husband sleep on the couch. I’m not going to be able to sleep in a state of anger anyway.
We didn’t really have an engagement, so we didn’t get a whole lot of advice. But I did get told to always remember that you’re on the same team, when one of your loses, both of you lose. DH’s dad always told him that it’s better to be happy and wrong than miserable and right, some battles just aren’t worth fighting.
Post # 5
Just for relationships in general: pick your battles. Not every argument needs to be won. Is it more important to be right or be together? This is especially helpful for the stubborn folk (like me) that always need to be right. You don’t make many friends telling people they are wrong.
Post # 6
SithLady : I LOVE this advice!!
One of my favorites is “apologizing doesnt always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It means you value your relationship more than your ego” I think this is huge and would go a long way in a disagreement!
Post # 8
Take a moment frequently to appreciate them, note their good qualities and remember why you fell in love in the first place. It’s so easy for us to take those we love for granted and stop realising their own wonderfulness that they bring to your life.
Post # 9
Communication is one of the most important things. Be with someone you can tell anything to. Listen to your spouse, hear them, take what they’re saying seriously and do your best to try to understand, because them feeling like they’re respected, loved and heard is more important than being right or your pride (this works both ways, of course).
Had a serious talk with DH the other day and I really took a step back to appreciate how seriously he takes everything I say, even if he doesn’t understand or doesn’t agree. If he knows it’s important to me, it’s important to him and he really takes it to heart!
Post # 10
Differences are bound to come up in marriage and can take your focus off of what is great in your relationship. Don’t take the good things for granted. DH and I have communication issues at times like most, but we have so much in common and enjoy each other’s company, etc. Focus on the good.
Also, it’s easy to compare your relationship to what you think other people have. Yet, we don’t know the innermost realities of other people’s lives. Don’t compare your relationship to the best moments in someone else’s relationship. Be content.
Post # 11
slomotion : HAHA! Seconded! I also agree that sometimes it’s better to handle a problem right, then to actually be right.
Sometimes it’s hard to love your spouse, and you need to remind yourself that you love this person, and this too shall pass. Sometimes you feel like you made a mistake, but you have to think back and trust yourself, meaning the person you were when you decided to commit your life to someone.
No marriage is perfect, and if you expect it to be you’ll be disappointed.
Post # 12
There are some days when you will have to make a conscious choice to love your spouse, and put their needs above your own. Choosing to be with them and love them even when it is difficult is the ultimate love. It’s not going to be great all the time, in fact you will likely encounter more challenges than you ever thought possible, but if you consciously choose to support each other and love each other through everything, it will be a successful marriage.
Post # 13
I received really good advice while I was engaged. I haven’t needed to put it to use, but I think they’re really wise words. So here it is! (From my lovely coworker):
You will most likely fall out of love with your husband at least once in your marriage, your husband will most likely fall out of love with you at some point as well. When this happens, you can’t stop fighting for your marriage. Just make sure you don’t both fall out of love at the same time and make sure you stay faithful.
Personally, my advice for my 2 months of marriage so far is to take time to thank your spouse for what they do on a regular basis. Even if those things are small like taking out the trash or making you a grilled cheese.
Post # 15
Don’t let your ego get in the way and never stop doing the little things.