Weddingbee boards

I would totally understand.  While every bride gets her "day," she also can't expect people to put their livelihoods aside for it and break the bank if they can't afford it.  Your close friend not being able to afford to come is a good person for telling you in advance and being honest about it, which can be embarassing and difficult to do. 

There is no reason that you should be upset.  If you act upset with her, you will really hurt the friendship in my opinion.  Your friend has done everything right ettiquette wise.  Doing or saying something to the extent that you think she should push her financial wellbeing, which sounds like its in a precarious position now, just so that she can attend your wedding will really hurt her feelings as well as most likely make her think that you are being unnecessarily selfish is that you don't care about her finances/ future. 

I know its hard when you can't have everyone that you want at your wedding, but it's ok.  Your wedding will still be wonderful and you will have an amazing day.  I also think that during all of this planning, we brides tend to turn into raving lunetics (at least I do) and get offended or annoyed about things that in any other case we wouldn't. 

What I've tried to do when I start feeling the way you are is just step back and think about if the rolls were reversed, how would I want my friend, the bride, to respond. 

Just remember, in the end, you will have your husband, but you don't want to damage a friendship during a stressed out bride moment that most likely will be on accident.

I would understand, though I would be sad about it- but I'll be sad about most people who rsvp "no".  I would really appreciate the letter, but I also wouldn't expect a gift, or a gift that was more generous than usual, so if you can't afford it I would just give her whatever you would normally give.

I'd like to be one of those people who would say, "I would understand and everything would be all rainbows and sunflowers" but it's still very hard to have close friends say no. I think if you are close friends with the bride/groom, a phone call is nicer than a letter. Being across the country though, it's definitely more understandable than being in the same town. as the bride, I can't tell you that I wouldn't be hurt a little and that the thought wouldn't cross my mind that you knew about the date for HOW long? However, you get over it.

I hope you are going to tell her in person/over the phone rather than by letter (even if you send a card with the gift later). Even though I would understand that you can't attend, being told that way would probably hurt my feelings. A very good friend of mine who was also going to do my hair and makeup had to rsvp no to me after her sister decided to get married on the same day (with 2 months notice). I was devastated and I did cry about it but I understood. Like someone else said, your friendship lasts a lifetime but the wedding is just a day.