Good luck

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

There was a poll on here a little while back asking how long before he proposed. Majority of the votes were 5+ years. My FI proposed at 4, I wouldn’t count him out unless he has actually said “I never want to get married” and meant it. Hang in there, unless you are truly ready to call it quits.

Post # 5
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think it is concerning that you are buying a house with someone that you aren’t at all sure you are on the same page with. Are you really happy to give up marriage forever? Have you talked about having kids with him? Do you share similar goals and timelines on that?

By completely combining your finances in a house together you are legally tied to him with the biggest financial asset you own. This is very risky when you don’t have the legal protections of marriage. What if something happens to him? You don’t even have the legal right to see him at the hospital, and his share of the house would automatically go to his next of kin without a will in your favor. What if you realise you want different things out of life and split? Could you afford the house on your own if he took off?

Is the house in both your names, or just one of you? How about the furniture? Why is he happy to buy a house with you but not to get married, possibly ever? Are you really, truly OK being with the sort of person who would lead you on and tell you to buy a wedding dress and then go back on his word? If he can go back on this, what else is he not being honest about? All important things to think about going forward.

Post # 8
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

cutie73012:  I know he’s not saying that now, but what happens if he DOES? He has already made clear that he will string you along telling you what you want to hear until crunch time comes, in which case he will backtrack. He has also made clear to you that he probably won’t be comfortable marrying you for years, if ever. Are you willing to gamble tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars of your money on a ‘maybe’? Because if so, you need to make sure that you will be happy with him even if he never makes that commitment.

The last thing I am sure you want is to be the ‘nagging’ girlfriend financially tied down to a boyfriend who takes her for granted and acts like she is the crazy one for wanting legal security. Don’t buy a house with him assuming that he will change.

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