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Yay for us! We finally booked and paid for our venue! They sent us our contract, along with 18 other attachments and we were super excited, until we opened it to discover the repeated use of Bride & Groom and that our floral package included only one bridal bouquet and a boutiniere. This only compounded the conversation that was had earlier, when the cruise ship booking agent asked "Your fiancee, which room will HE be staying in?" Doh.
We've been in contact with the venue for months and they realize the nature of our wedding, so we just assumed that our contract would reflect our wedding. We've written the venue back demanding that the phrases be changed because we both refuse to sign on the line that says, "Groom" and that they honor what they said on the phone about our floral package including two bouquets.
Has anyone else had a simliar problem?
@Carnival_Bride: That's so lame. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
We tried to book a private beach wedding in Mexico, and they said that we couldn't have our ceremony at a "family friendly" resort, and had to do it at one of the couples only resorts. Basically, we decided to forget the whole thing.
We later met with a florist who kept saying the "groom." We were both sitting there like, "ummmm, there isn't a groom." It was the strangest thing. We were right in front of her.
It has been difficult sometimes, but most of the time we just don't let it bother us.
We try not to let it bother us because even though we live in New England, we know it's not the norm. We just felt that since we'd had at length conversations with the cruise company that they would be sensitive about it and have two different sets of paperwork. We figured that they cruise out of New York and will start in Boston, so surely we can't be the first couple to ask for this kind of a wedding.
My favorite awkward moment of this whole experience was when we went dress shopping and our shop attendant didn't fully understand that we were both brides--marrying each other. We told her that we were both brides, but it still took her a good one into the appointment to sort it out.
Ugh, I'm sorry you two are having to deal with such close-mindedness and assumptions!
I had a bit of an awkward situation like that. We were going over the "flow" of the day with the caterer (who is also sort of like an event manager for the venue), and it was my Mom, and my very female femme fiancee. The caterer kept saying things like "well we'll stop if anyone wants to make a toast to the bride and groom" "the bride will come down the aisle here" etc etc. I told her in the first part we were gay. I introduced my fiancee as "My FIANCEE AMANDA".
These people haven't dealt with it before. It sucks to have to deal with.
Let us know what they say to your demand of changing it.
Hopefully it will work its way into everyone's vocabulary and thought processes sooner rather than later.
I was covering a news story about a temple (not Christian), and I kept calling it a church. OMG I was like kicking myself inside because I kept saying it! It was like my mouth was not at all connected to my brain. Total verbal diarrhea. >.<
Anyways, I hope they become more sensitive and start thinking before the speak or type. <3
@Carnival_Bride: We had a similar situation with the bridal salon. We'd told the owner before arriving that there were two brides. When we arrived, she asked each of us what our wedding date was. When we both gave the same one, she exclaimed, "Two such good friends are getting married on the same day?" D'oh! Fortunately, after we explained, she became quite enthusiastic about the project of finding coordinating wedding dresses.
I suspect what you're dealing with is a standard contract that hasn't been updated. Maybe this will serve to let them know that their standard contract really needs updating!
When NotFroofy and I filled out our marriage license application in Massachusetts, the form had been updated to call for Party A and Party B instead of bride and groom. However, it still said that it should be filled out "in black ink or approved typewriter ribbon." Apparently, some things don't get updated for a long time!
I love this board and the support you bees give. While the vast majority of our friends are LGBT, they are no where near getting married and while they have their own issues to deal with, this is not one that they fully understand or have encountered. Thanks, ladies! I'll keep you guys updated. I think the offices reopen on Tuesday and that's probably when I'll get an answer.
As you can guess by name, we are getting married with Carnival Cruise Lines and this is the first problem we have ever had with them. We've cruised multiple times before and their passengers and crew are wonderful--it just seems to be this one little office outside of Miami.
@LeahP: I want to beat the words "family friendly" with a stick, pretty much everyone has/is part of a family!!!
Why wouldn't the coordinator pay enough attention to change the language? The contract should be personalized to YOUR WEDDING, and in 2011, there should not be a blanket contract that does not fit the needs of eveyone using it. I wouldn't honor that, either. In the end, details mean everything. I'm sorry you are going through this, let us know if they fix it, or how they act when you tell them how you felt.
I think they're new to gay wedding industry. They've been doing vow renewals for a while, but I think people are just starting to ask for the full wedding experience. From what my planner has said this is a learning experience for them. They've been really great to work with so far. We should have our contract back later today.
I'm all for gay marriages and all but you do have to realize that you're a minority right? I mean typically it IS a bride and a groom. I honestly think that unless you've specifically seeked out gay friendly (or something of that sort) type of vendor this is just something you're going to have to deal with (and essentially expect).
I hope that doesn't offend you, just trying to be realistic. Never once in any of my contracts for anything was it NOT assumed to be a straight wedding, I also don't think any vendors are intentionally or unintentially trying to offend you in anyway. It's just something they never really thought of.
To add: I hope that you could potentially point out that you would really apprciate if the words could be changed for future couples should they encounter this again. You could be helping future couples avoid this...
@vmec: Agreed. With every single one of my vendors, I upfront said "THIS IS A LESBIAN WEDDING. 2 DRESSES". Every vendor has been great, and all our contracts were changed to Bride 1 and Bride 2 before they were given to us. Our photographer even updated her contract to "Partner 1" and "Partner 2" for all of her (presumbly straight) future couples.
We as gays do have to expect that the wedding world is going to be pretty heteronormative. The trick is finding the vendors who are accepting and willing to work to make this your day, gay or straight.
@Carnival_Bride: that's great! i just read everything now and glad it worked out.
I got the contract back today. Everything is AOK and we are getting married! WOO HOO!
They also have told me that they are committed to changing their paperwork and potentially some of their promotional materials. Yay!
Just to pipe in. On Cruise Critics, there was an two bride wedding that she reviewed on Carnival I think. It was in the wedding board there in June/July 2011.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, hopefully it was just a careless oversight and not an intentional attack on your choice of a partner.
@callirome:They're just catching up to the times. It was just a little bizarre because we've been completely upfront with them.
@lavaca15: You're violating TOS policy. You must be a regular poster under a sock puppet name. Disgraceful.
@lavaca15: Were you forced to go on the LBGTQ board? Even MORE ridiculous.
@lavaca15: You aren't forced to support gay marriage but there's also no reason the OP should have to worry about someone posting a bigoted comment on her thread. That's probably why it was deleted.
You're free to believe what you want but don't try to impose that on others.
@lavaca15: you arent forced to support anything but you should always be respectful which imo you are not. its one thing to disagree its another thing to go out of your way to offend and ridicule. or force your own beliefs on others for that matter. so what are we being forced to support your religious views? i think not.
sorry....i was quiet and reading until i read that.
I am not trying to impose my beliefs on anyone. It is just advice - take it or leave it. [comment removed per commenting policy]
Sorry if I offended anyone, but I feel that if I supported the OP no one would be ganging up on me right now and my post would have not been deleted. It's unfair.
The moderation has nothing to do with agreeing or disagreeing. It's simply our commenting policy:
Commenting Guidelines for All Members
i. We don’t allow posts that are intended to be rude, sarcastic, insulting, berating, argumentative, condescending, personally attacking, or that otherwise harass users of the Weddingbee site. Please do not post threads for the sole purpose of criticizing, mocking, or otherwise disparaging others’ wedding, waiting, or nesting choices. Weddingbee is a diverse community with members across the globe. No single culture is better than any other, and we value every member’s perspective. We reserve the right to remove such posts as necessary.
ii. While individuals sometimes disagree, we expect such disagreements to be handled in a mature manner. Please refrain from leaving comments that exhibit intolerance for individuals or groups of people including excessive rudeness, defamatory remarks, racist remarks, threats, or profanity directed at other members.
No one is expecting you to agree, but calling another lady disgustin and selfish because of who she is and who she loves is beyond rude. It is against the policies. I'm assuming your an adult, you should know better than that.
I'm confused...the OP is selfish because she wants to spend the rest of her life with the person she loves? How is this selfish? Or disgusting?
And exactly what would have been a "mature manner" to voice my opinion? Theres plenty of posts on here with girls telling others that they dont love their dress and go find something better, yet those posts aren't deleted. Its the same issue here - it is just advice!
@KatyElle: Agreed. I'm completely offended that we still have to deal with such absurdness. It's their life and they're not harming anyone living the way it was intended for the two of them. I can't believe people make it their own business.
@lavaca15: If you want to talk further about our commenting policies, you can PM me.
@lavaca15: it's actually not advice, it's bigotry and homophobia. You're not going to shame someone into loving a gender that feels unnatural to them.
Can someone make this person go away? Please?
@lavaca15: so you dont like that your "disagreement" was met with others disagreeing? that makes sense. so you are allowed to disagree with the OP but those of us that disagree with you and your comment are supposed to sit back and watch? I think that is unfair as well. At least i am choosing to show my disagreement with you in a respectful manner. if those are your beliefs that you stated in your original comment, while they are not mine, that is completely fine. You do not have to insult anyone to disagree. Which is exactly what you did.
Im sorry if my words sound harsh, but It is selfish when one knows that is not what God wants. After all HE did for us, why would we want to do anything that would obviously sadden Him. Thats what I mean by selfish.
@lavaca15: Telling someone you don't care for her wedding gown is very different from telling someone you don't approve of their life.
This topic has been closed to new replies.
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