Post # 1
So……I’ve talked here about how Darling Husband and I aren’t doing very well. No real news on that front since I’ve been out of town since basically right after everything went downhill. But he’s not….ummm…filing for divorce anymore, so I guess that’s good.
Instead, he wants to take me on vacation. Um, what? Yeah, he wants to go on an actual vacation with me.
So I have a few concerns here –
1. We aren’t getting along right now. Do I want to be stuck with him somewhere?
2. He doesn’t have free time as it is. Are we going to be spending money just so he can work from a hotel?
3. Do I want to get my hopes up that he’s really trying to change, just to get pushed away again?
So what do you bees think? Go on vacation or put it off until we are more stable?
Post # 3
I would suggest going, it would be a good chance to hash things out and be just you as a couple. The fact that he wants to go on vacation with you seems, to me at least, to be a good sign. It means he wants to be near you and with you, I would take advantage of this. Even if he is working, just enjoy each other and try to remember why you fell in love in the first place, she if those feelings are still there.
Post # 5
As long as he isnt being abusive, perhaps a vacation will help you both figure out where you stand. Ask him what’s going on with work and if he wants to do it at another time to make it more convenient.
I don’t think it can hurt, and it’s a positive step, it seems.
Post # 6
He’snotbeing abusive – unless you consider telling me he’s wants a divorce emotionally so.
I suppose it’s a good idea but I feel icky about it.
Post # 7
Go, it’s a chance to really spend some time together and figure whether the spark can be rekindled or has gone out once and for all. It’s better than dragging it out and being unsure, whichever way it ends up going. Do your best to keep an open mind and heart and be at your best as a wife. That way you can know for sure if it craps out, it wasn’t because you didn’t try when it counted. And if it doesn’t crap out, hey hey awesome marriage future 🙂 What’s to lose?
Post # 9
I read your earlier posts and I think your partner has some real issues. In fact, it sounds as though he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about your pain and suffering. Sure, you can go on a vacation and if the two of you are ostensibly cordial and keep a lid on your major issues you can even have some superficially good times together. But once you are back and take the lid off your boiling pit, the problems will resurface and seem all the more suffocating after the breath of fresh air that was your vacation. Go ahead if you simply want to take time off from your problems and just enjoy yourselves. But if you view this as a channel to ease your problems, I don’t think it’ll be that easy.
Post # 10
Discuss your concerns, lay some ground rules regarding work, and go! Being away on neural ground could really help you see your differences.
Post # 11
I haven’t read any of your other posts, but I would think that it couldn’t hurt to go.
Post # 12
Go – with ground rules. No work, time outs if it gets too tense or you’re fighting, etc. Try to have a good time and work on your marriage!
Post # 13
Honestly I wouldn’t go. Nobody really knows the ins and outs of your relationship other than you but to me it doesn’t really seem like the best idea…
Post # 14
Trust your gut. If you don’t want to go, tell him. Easy fixes don’t heal relationships.
Post # 15
I would give it a shot, see if he is willing to work with you.
Post # 16
Go, for sure. I went on vacation with someone I barely knew once, on a total whim (it was a pretty cheap vacation, obviously) and it wove into a strange and intense relationship for a while. You learn a lot about people’s true colors on vacation. Just make sure you’re willing to work on your problems and don’t let your doubts show.
Post # 17
I wouldn’t go. I’ve been on a vacation when our relationship was in a bad spot and it was miserable. We paid lots of money to have an even worse time and more fighting than normal. Maybe a staycation (a few days at home together really spending time together or talking) or longer term marital counseling are a better alternative.