Post # 1
I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I got into a doctorate program I’m really excited about. It’s seriously a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, because this particular program will open a lot of doors for me. I’ve all but made up my mind and expect I’ll be officially accepting the spot within a week.
The bad news? It’s in a pretty small city, and the two universities there don’t have the type of program my SO wants to do. He is thinking about becoming a registered nurse and eventually a nurse practitioner. This will probably require a 2 year program. And, he really likes the idea of being a travelling nurse for a while, because he loves to travel and they make more money.
We’re both 25 and have been dating for almost four years. We’ve lived together for two. I’ve been given a few hints that I could get a proposal this year lately (and a few suggestions from him that we could start trying to have kids in 2 years, haha). Now I’m not sure. It sounds like we might be getting ourselves into a 3-year long distance relationship (give or take a year depending on if he becomes a traveling nurse and how much he likes it). I’m assuming he’d eventually come live with me… but I’m worried about the long distance relationship (I trust him, so I’m purely worried about the suckiness factor), and I hate that it would almost definitely push back our timeline. I don’t want to be a 7-year-or-longer girlfriend. I’d really rather get married as soon as we can live together, and have a long engagement if necessary. I’m not sure he’d be open to that. I don’t expect he’d choose to get engaged until we can live together again… in which case we could be together almost 9 years (and be 30 years old) before actually tying the knot.
Maybe I’m just being unrealistic about these worries. It just feels like everything is suddenly so up in the air and I hate it.
I just needed to vent… but I’m hoping someone else might think of something I’m not able to at the moment.
Post # 3
first off CONGRATS! once in a liftetime ..that is amazing and I hope you are still jumping up and down lol
Maybe talk to him about this all. Guys tend to see the picture when it’s all spelled out for them. He may think you don’t havea problem waiting 3 more years.
Post # 4
Thank you! I still am! When the professor called to tell me I got in he told me to celebrate and go get some beer. I’ve followed through dutily on his first ‘order,’ haha!
You are probably right… I have spoken to him briefly about it, but I’ve been holding off on that a little bit. All intentionally. I had decided (and told him) that I thought it would be best not to talk too in depth about engagements and whatnot until our 4th anniversary. Occasionally it comes up anyway (usually brought up by him) but only briefly. However, this might be the time to break that ‘vow’ of mine. After all, this is a game changer.
I do worry he still won’t think it makes sense. I guess I’ll have to see.
I did just find that there is a community college in the area that offers a nursing program. I think he was planning on going to a community college or something similar anyway, but I’m not sure what his chances of getting accepted would be, though, if he doesn’t live in-state. We’ll have to look into that.
Post # 5
As someone who is in a PhD program right now I say congrats on the grad school! It’s a wonderful (and challenging) experience.
I caution you about putting specific numbers of ages on things, though. FI and I started dating at 22/21, moved in together at 25, got engaged at 27–all while being graduate students–and will be married at 29. Those last two were based on our academic progress.
Do what feels right, but don’t stress over dating for 6 or 7 or 9 years before marrying. Especially in academia, you’ll fit right in. You should definitely talk to him about all this, though. I’m a little confused by him not wanting to be engaged unless y’all are in the same area/living together. Does that change the level of commitment somehow?