My Uncle basically just told me he can't be a part of my life :(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wait, so his new wife is really that insecure?  Really?!

Post # 4
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LadyWhiskey:  Did your uncle have any children with his first wife?

I’m old enough to have seen a few people get widowed and remarry. There is usually a natural drift from their 1st spouse’s family – i.e. they just tend see them less. But for the new spouse to actually but a ban on contact, that does seem unusual. It could be though that it just makes your uncle’s wife uncomfortable, and he expressed it badly.

Post # 5
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@LadyWhiskey:  oh man this is like my nightmare. My parents met when they were 14 so Dad basically grew up with mom’s cousins. Mom passed a few years ago and Dad is starting to date. I’m so worried that he will be less likely to come to Mom’s side of the family if he gets remarried. 🙁

im so sorry for your uncle’s behavior! 

Post # 6
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Seattle, WA

Aww, I’m sorry!  When my aunt and uncle got divorced, I never saw much of my uncle anymore.  We weren’t super close but it still sucked.  But it must be much worse for you, after spending so much of your childhood with him.  Maybe he figures now that you’re an adult, there is no need for him anymore.  Have you talked to other family members about it yet?  Maybe he’ll come around one day.

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyWhiskey:  That lady is going to have a hard time with the whole “second wife of a widower” thing! They’re hard shoes to be in (since the family knew and loved his first wife SO much, and there was no nasty divorce or seperation, so clearly part of him will always love her)

That being said, I’m SURE it’s her and not him that wants the seperation.

Post # 9
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@LadyWhiskey: Have you read the threads on this forum at all? It doesn’t sound that unbelievable that a wife would want to control their husband this much. there have been plenty examples on here whether it be friends, exes or family. 

Post # 11
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@paula1248:  yes…maybe she didnt invite and welcome the new member of the family so she feels left out?…

Post # 12
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MexiPino:  you know if you welcome her with open arms I bet she will be happy to be part of your family..

Post # 14
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think she’s totally over reacting…my dads brother passed away just after I was born. His wife (my aunt) is still a big part of our life and so is her husband. To the point where I refer to him as uncle Dave. It doesn’t mean that me, my siblings or my parents love my uncle Neal any less but hey it’s family, death or no death and I love my uncle Dave and wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Post # 15
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I don’t blame you for being bummed – not in the least but….we can’t really all put it on that piece of work wife of his (I’m not saying you are)

If someone wants to walk out of my life I’ll hold the door for them.  Buh bye.  Shame on him.

Post # 16
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LadyWhiskey:  Oh I agree it’d hurt. My FIL is widowed and remarried. He doesn’t see his ex-inlaws much… but if there’s an invitation, I’m sure he’d be there (with his new wife). And I’m pretty sure his first wife’s sister was at his wedding. So yeah, it’s weird. I can understand skipping the regular Christmas and birthday get togethers. But to actually refuse a wedding invitation, that sucks.

But still, it’s hard to judge when we’re not in his situation. My FIL has kids (obviously), so that might help the bond. Your uncle has to decide whether keeping contact with you all is worth the tension in his marriage. It’s a pity it’s come to this, but it’s his call.

I would continue to call and send Christmas cards. Do you know her birthday? Send her a birthday card each year as well as him. i.e. pretend the note never happened.

Post # 17
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@LadyWhiskey:  well I have an aunt who divorced the father of her two oldest kids. He and his new wife would come to our fy gatherings, so I know it is possible. I hope your uncle comes to his senses. 

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