- 5 months ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I received a “Save the date” 5 months before the wedding, but never received an invitation. It was from a friend that I was previously close with (would speak on the phone hours a day with, was in our bridal party years ago and was the driving force for me marrying my husband), but since having had 2 children back to back in the last couple of years we grew apart. It doesn’t help that we’ve always had a long distance friendship either – living in different cities many states away.
To make a long story short, my husband and I blocked off the day for the wedding and were planning to make the trip. I contacted my “friend” a few weeks before the wedding asking how the planning was coming along and that we did not receive an invitation and if wondering if we were still invited. The reply was “Oh, we didn’t think you were going to come since we didn’t get an RSVP.” I mentioned that we didn’t receive an invitation and he mentioned it was an “email invitation” sent in January. I checked my email and even spam (though it doesn’t go back that far) and found nothing though the save the date comes up via email (so I know they have my correct email address). At this time they said they were waiting for cancellations to see if they could add us back on the list, but I went ahead and declined and said that it’s not a big deal and we are just happy for him. We were looking forward to seeing him on his special day, but realize that we didn’t want to create a stressful situation.
Here are my thoughts – am I way off base?
#1 – Were we just uninvited? He says he sent an “email invite”, but I feel like it was to save face. Plus, when RSVPing on the save the date, we had to give them our address information, yet they sent an email invite? Why would he not call and confirm whether or not we received an invite?
#2 – I received a save the date, should I not have expected a guaranteed invitation?
#3 – When he called me, he emphasized that we haven’t been in touch in awhile. Again – an emphasis on the fact that we are no longer close?
#4 – Is it wrong of me to want to cut all ties from hence forth? In all honesty, he was an important part of my past and for a time period was probably one of my closest friends, but now i’m married and busy with two kids and a job and don’t really have the energy to continue that same close friendship. I would have considered maintaining a looser friendship, because you always have those friends that even after years apart you pick right back up from where you left off…however, after this I’m not sure that I can forgive what happened and so don’t even want to try that.
#5 – He just invited himself and his bride to visit us after the wedding and I half-heartedly said that would be nice. I don’t think it would be. I really wanted to just say, “I don’t think so. It’s clear that we’re not that important and you’re just a freeloader who wants a place to stay.” (we live in a desireable city to visit). Should I have just told him then and there exactly my thought?
Yes, I know I’m bitter, but I feel like he just burned a bridge. Not something I feel can be rebuilt. I feel like he’s lying about sending an invitation and we both kind of know it without saying it. I’m sad for what was because he was a good friend, but I guess we’ve both moved on. Now, should I tell him exactly how I feel (well, maybe after the wedding)?