Oh hon I’m sorry! I went through a similar emotional rollercoaster after my last (and actually serious) talk with my BF about marriage.
Please try not to take it personally. Don’t worry about what to “do or say”, that’s exhausting. Be true to you. The funny thing is that while some guys have an excellent memory, once a discussion is over they rarely dwell on it. He may just continue as things have always been. Which, unfortunately, isn’t exactly working for you.
I would suggest *feeling what you’re feeling right now*…confused, doubtful, feeling weird becuase you think you may have been pushy…whatever it is or however ugly it feels, just feel it. Get it out, talk it out here and with girlfriends, journal, take bubble baths, whatever works for you.
I know you’re living together from a previous post, and it seems like it’s really eating at you to not be engaged at this point. How much longer are you willing to wait?
Take some time and reflect, and in a few days, if you still feel like you may have been innapropriately pushy….. (and BTW, depending on your guy and whether or not he’s a procrastinator, if you don’t push, who will? Just food for thought) you can clean it up with your BF. Once you calm down. Something like this this could put your mind at ease: I’m sorry if I was pushy the other day. I love you and I’ve thought for a long time that we have a future together, but if that’s something you’re not ready for I don’t want to have to push someone into marriage. I just can’t have these conversations about kids right now, it’s too painful for me to talk about our future now that it seems you’re not as excited about being married as I am.
And if he brings up marriage/kids/etc in the future just don’t take the bait. You can start saying “that would be appropriate to discuss once we’re engaged”…..or even sassier, give him a wink and say “you better not tease me with that unless you’ve got a ring to put on my finger”. Don’t lose your sense of humor.
And I read this somewhere: once you ask him where you stand/where it’s going, you’re unconsciously letting him know that the parameters of the relationship are HIS to dictate. HE decides where this is going. Really? It’s 2010, so let me rant for a moment: this is a partnership. If this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you should be able to talk about anything. Without blaming, or “nagging”. If he’s a good guy, and truly your partner, he’ll want to know how you feel and how to make you happy.
Just my 2 cents. My heart goes out to you, I had one of these tough talks recently and it was a rough couple of days after that. I’m not engaged yet so I’m far from the authority on the subject, just trying to help if I can. And I’ll let you know it 2-4 months (his timeframe, haha) if talking about it truly helped. For one thing, it helps me feel like if we’re really not on the same page, at least I’ve given him a chance and if he still isn’t sure I can leave with a clear conscience. You’ve gotta give them a chance to propose.